Tootsie: Hey everypony! I’m-
Lyra: Say what again, filly! SAY WHAT AGAIN!

Bon-Bon: Rarity is a selfish, self-centered, manipulating-
Tootsie: totally not surprised…
Bon-Bon: -with an ego only rivaling Rainbow Dash!

Lyra: Oh yeah?! Well guess who’s an eccentric, hyperactive, stalker; and at least three times more controlling than even Twilight Sparkle?! Knock knock, it’s Pinkie Pie!

Bon-Bon: [Gasp] How dare you take the Ponk’s name in vain?!

Lyra: You’re just a-!
Bon-Bon: I’ll have you know-!

[Unintelligible Yelling]

Tootsie: “Say, Lisa, who gave your favorite friendship lessons?” Oh, I really liked Fluttershy’s because I know what it’s like to feel small and anxious about speaking out. I found her lessons to be the most relatable. “Gee, Lisa, that’s so mature and adult of you!“ Thanks, but my favorite lessons were Applejack’s. You know why? Because she actually CARES ABOUT FAMILY!

[Door Slam; Pause]

Lyra: Um… Lisa’s home.

Bon-Bon: You don’t say?

Bon-Bon: Oh, so you got a copy too?

Lyra: Huh? Oh yeah. I wasn’t gonna, but Twilight was literally just giving them out.

Bon-Bon: That’s funny, I got two. One for me and one for you.

Lyra: You could give one to Lisa.

Bon-Bon: I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t already have a copy by Monday. Rumblings I’ve heard is that The Friendship Journal’s selling like cider all across Equestria.

Lyra: I guess it’s not every day a princess publishes a book.

Bon-Bon: It’s not everyday you actually read a book either.

Lyra: If you can call Fluttershy’s entries reading. Make an ant squint. And Rarity’s might as well be wrote in Saddle Arabian.

Bon-Bon: You mean Arabic. You know, if you’re having trouble, I could always read to you.

Lyra: Get off me ‘fore you break the stool!

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Lyra! Look!

Lyra: Pear jam? You’re about a consonant away from-
Bon-Bon: Yes! And you’ll never guess where I got it!

Lyra: Was it the market?

Bon-Bon: No! I-I mean, technically… Why are you like this?

Lyra: It’s jam, Bon-Bon. What’s the big deal?

Bon-Bon: Grand Pear is back!

Lyra: Is… is that code?

Bon-Bon: No! You’ve seriously never heard anyone bring him up? He used to own a pear orchard next to The Apples. My parents used to talk about him all the time, both in Canterlot and when we moved to Ponyville. If you’ve ever had pear jam, its his. His was the smaller business, but before he moved away to Vanhoover he went blow for blow with The Apples right here in their base of operations. And for years! He’s an entrepreneur juggernaut! A living legend!

Lyra: Oooh. I thought this was a food thing. This is a business thing.

Bon-Bon: [Gasp] What if he lets me make candy out of his pears? Lyra! No pony’s ever been allowed to make candy out of his pears! I need to prepare! Where’s my stationary?!

Lyra: So then she said “Pfft!“ And I was all “Pfft? You can’t just end a story with pfft. You didn’t really just say pfft and walk away. So what did you-“

Blues: Don’t turn around- woah uh-oh.

Lyra: What are you-Discord is behind me isn’t he?

Blues: He hasn’t seen us yet- woah uh-oh.

[Extended Pause]

Blues: Alright, he’s gone.

Lyra: Phew… So anyway, I was all “What did you really say?“ And she said-

Bon-Bon: Did… Did you have a strange dream with Princess Celestia in it?

Lyra: … Not really… Why?

Bon-Bon: I was baking and suddenly Princess Celestia shows up looking really haggard.  And she was like, “Don’t be afraid, everything’s going to be okay.“ In this completely drained voice and I’m just like, “So should I use less cinnamon? More?“

Tootsie: I had a dream I was running in a race and Princess Celestia showed up and said “You don’t have to run.“ I and said “But I want to win.“ And she said “It’s okay to lose. Failure is a natural part of life.“ And I was just… it’s a game?

Lyra: Weird.

Bon-Bon: What did you dream about?

Lyra: Falling into the sun. And don’t worry, the metaphor isn’t lost on me. But it’s been reoccurring again lately so I don’t think it’s related.

Bon-Bon: Do you ever have a good night sleep?

Lyra: Sometimes. [Pause] Once in a while.

Bon-Bon: So, which was your favorite?

Lyra: Overall, I liked Inky Rose’s designs. But my favorite was one of Starstreak’s. The one with the pants and the long coat. You?

Bon-Bon: I liked Lily Lace’s third ballroom gown. The one with the feathered hat. I also liked the hoodie.

Lyra: Inky’s hoodie? The one with the spiderweb pattern on it?

Bon-Bon: Well, I didn’t care for the holes in the shirt. Otherwise, sure!

Lyra: Wow! I didn’t expect that.

Bon-Bon: I bet Liza would have liked the yellow one.

Lyra: That one was pretty too! Reminded me of Belle’s gown. Though, I guess any canary yellow gala dress would.

Lyra: Wait wait wait wait. Wait. Back up. You were living in Cloudsdale long enough to spectate on Rainbow Dash’s entire competitive career?

Raindrops: Yes?

Lyra: How? I thought you grew up in Canterlot, like me.

Raindrops: I did.

Lyra: That’s impossible! You can’t be in two places at once!

Raindrops: I… wasn’t? We lived in Lower Canterlot till I was fifteen, then we moved to Cloudsdale to live with my grandmother.

Lyra: You were fifteen at Rainbow Dash’s first race?

Raindrops: Well, like eighteen by then.

Lyra: H… H-how old are you?

Raindrops: Thirty.
Lyra: You’re older than me?!
Raindrops: Nine.

[Pause]

Lyra: Y… You’re almost forty?! But… but you look like you’re twenty!

Raindrops: Oh, well thank you.

Tootsie: What’s Sweetie Belle’s problem?

Aura: Huh? Oh. Iunno.

Ruby: Cats in the cradle.

Aura: Oh yeah! … Big sister syndrome.

Tootsie: Wha?

Aura: Oh that’s right, you don’t have a big sister.

Ruby: When you’re younger you want to spend time with your big sister, but she doesn’t have time for you. Then, when you get older, your big sister wants to spend time with you. But now you’re the one that’s busy, so she gets on your nerves.

Tootsie: Oh… That sounds sad… Wait, what if she just doesn’t want to watch puppets?

Aura: Tch-eah right! Who wouldn’t want to watch puppets?

Bon-Bon: So… what is this called again?

Lyra: Fluttershy calls it an “Animal Sanctuary“.

Bon-Bon: It’s… kinda just one big zoo enclosure. Only without the enclosure. Wouldn’t the animals just, you know, eat each other?

Lyra: I think that’s the point?

Bon-Bon: There aren’t any dangerous animals here, like a hippopotamus, are there?

Lyra: I don’t aim to find out.

Bon-Bon: Good call, let’s get out of here.

Bon-Bon: Come on, Lyra.
Lyra: Nope.

Bon-Bon: Lyra.
Lyra: Nope.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, be reasonable!
Lyra: You didn’t see that look in Pinkie Pie’s eyes, Bon-Bon! She’s a desperate mare driven to the brink! I ain’t goin’ out there!

Bon-Bon: Oh for pony’s sake… I’m going out with or without you.

Lyra: Just gonna sit here. Completely still in case Pinkie looks in the window.

[Pause]

Lyra: Hey Simple, how’s it going? No, boy, this is a bad time for face lickums. Not in the nose! NOOOOO~!

Bon-Bon: I can’t believe you didn’t want to go to the art exhibition.

Lyra: I can’t believe Princess Flurry Heart buried herself in a mound of stuffed animals. You’d think the future heir to the Crystal Empire would have guards with her, like, 24/7.

Bon-Bon: Don’t change the subject, I thought you loved art!

Lyra: Come to think of it, does Cadance need an heir? She’s a pegasus-turned-alicorn. Is she immortal? I always just kinda assumed Twilight isn’t.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Whaaat? The exhibit? It’s just a bunch of minimalist post-modern crap anyway. Art is all up to interpretation, but it still has to have substance. It’s nothing more than a bunch of hacks trying to get famous.

Bon-Bon: Well that’s rude. I had a good time.

Lyra: They serve food there?

Bon-Bon: No.
Lyra: Garbage!

Bon-Bon: Is that… Granny Smith chasing Trixie?

Lyra: Heh heh, yeah.

Bon-Bon: Shouldn’t we, you know, help her?

Lyra: Mare, if you did something to cheese off Granny Smith that bad, you deserve what’s coming.

Bon-Bon: Hmm… How long has this been going on?

Lyra: Ah like four minutes. Bulk Biceps is out there too.

Bon-Bon: Oh, he’s a big guy.

Lyra: Yeah, that’s the real reason I ain’t goin’ out there.

Bon-Bon: Can’t blame you.

Lyra: You know, just… hanging out with Changelings at a party, eh heh heh… Nothin’ awkward about this…

Bon-Bon: Of course it isn’t! It’s refreshing to spend some time with Changelings and not have to punch them in the face, haha.

Pronotum: Yeah… That really hurt…

Bon-Bon: Oh gosh… You were one of them?

Elytra: One of them?

Lyra: Gettin’ awkward again…

Pronotum: No no. It’s okay. We’re past this. You did you. We did we.

Bon-Bon: Yeah.
Pronotum: Yeah…

Elytra: Seriously though how many Changelings have you punched?

Lyra: Think I’m just gonna…. mosey on home. psst remember to give the password if you want me to unlock the door Ah ha ha! Bye now!

Bon-Bon: Too far, Lyra! Too far!

Lyra: Oh and the honey from the shower faucet was perfectly fine!

Bon-Bon: That was brief! I can’t sit on the toilet all day! I have work to do!

Lyra: It’s Saturday and the slower half of the year, don’t give me that crap.

Bon-Bon: Oh you’re going to get something when this passes!

Lyra: Just remember to flush every so often! HA! HA! HA!

Lyra: So I had just finished eating a cookie and I had to sneeze. So I sneezed through my mouth and I looked in the napkin and there was this bright crimson red and for just a moment I was all “Oh no! Bon-Bon’s killed me!“ And then I remembered it was a red velvet cookie I ate.

Bon-Bon: Geez, Lyra. It’s just a prank war. Nothing to lose your head over. By the way, you may want to forgo showering for the foreseeable future.

Lyra: Oh yeah? How about I just use your shower? Hmm? Checkmate!

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: Couldn’t lead her along any easier if you gave me a leash.