Celestia?: … Lyra.

Lyra: That might be what my parents would have called me, but you named me yourself-!
Luna?: This is ridiculous.
Lyra: My real name is Liora! You can check the royal archives! Princess Celestia made my birth certificate herself!
Luna?: Captain, you have not only endangered Equestria you have wasted precious time. We must mobilize the guard immediately. Our nation is being threatened by a foul plot!

Octavia: That wouldn’t happen to be all the planet’s nations declaring war on us in tandem, would it?
Luna?: Ah… I…
Guard: Princesses Celestia and Luna, you are hereby placed under the custody of the Equestrian Guard. Please come with us to holding.

[Pause]

Luna?: Did you think…
Bedbug: Our queen wouldn’t have sent her best?!

[Deep echo]

Bon-Bon: The door!
Raindrops: It won’t move!

[High-pitched siren]

Octavia: Look out!
[Thunderous Boom]
Lyra: Aaah-!

Luna?: Hard to imagine.
Celestia?: The guard is already gathered. We’ll just…?
Luna?: Captain! What is the meaning of this? You were given explicit orders! You are placing all of Equestria in danger!

Guard: I’m sorry, Princess Luna. This group arrived from Ponyville and urgently-
Lyra: Princess Celestia. Once upon a time you discovered an unattended stroller and took in a baby. You could not take care of her yourself, just as you cannot take care of every child in Equestria, but you gave her a roof and saw that she was attended to. When the time came, you insured that she was given the education that all ponies deserve. In a perfect world, that pony would have grown up to be somepony important.

Lyra: But that didn’t happen. She fell into a darkness and let it drive her to do horrible things. Yet, you never gave up on her. I know it was rarely easy. I know how frustrating it must have been. But you were always there. You always gave her a chance to be more than she was. Sometimes the right words didn’t come out, but in your heart… she was never second. I… I just wanted to thank you… Thank you for saving me.

Celestia?: Of course, my little pony. You were never a burden to me.

Lyra: There’s one thing I need to know, though. Something I have to make sure of. Princess Celestia… What is my name?

Guard: As you can see ma’am, they won’t be causing you any more trouble.
Granny Smith?: Chained and muzzled? Now that’s what I like to see! Serves you harlots right! Attackin’ a poor old lady.
Guard: If you could just step this way, ma’am.
Granny Smith?: What?
Guard: We need to have you checked out by a physician and document any injuries for prosecution while they’re still fresh.
Granny Smith?: Well alright, but only so they can throw the book at you five harpies! I hope they make this quick. I need to get back to Sweet Apple Acres. Was just mindin’ my own business, shopping in the market, and the moment I round a corner- WAM! Clocked me like a tee-ball, they did. Is this going to take long? Well? Why did everypony stop?

Guard: Well you see, ma’am, when you walked through that magic disabling device it seems to have turned you into a changeling.

Hissy McFit: Oh… Could… Could I just go quietly and… non-violently? Thisss hasn’t been a great day for me…
Guard: I don’t see why not.
Hissy McFit: I really did get hit in the head. And then stuffed in a trunk. And that was just today. The other changelingsss in Ponyville were pretty mean too.
Guard: Why don’t you get your thoughts together and tell us all about it in a few minutes? [Pause] Send a detachment to Ponyville and arrest the Elements of Harmony. Lyra, you and your friends are cleared for the throne room. All of you, spread word around the castle and secure the parameter around the throne room. Balcony included. The rest of you, on us. We’re going to bring two royal changeling imposters into custody.

Lyra: Thanks for trusting us enough to prove our innocence.
Guard: Foalnapping was never your M.O.. Now, you understand we can’t imprison the Princesses without explicit evidence of their involvement. At best we can occupy the throne room and follow them against their will.
Lyra: Yeah. This is the hard part.

Hissy McFit: Hiss! Stupid equestrians! You-ugh-… already lost!

Lyra: Funny, from where I sit upon the chest you’re locked in I’m feeling like this was a triumph. Don’t see your friends coming to look for you either.

Hissy McFit: Changelings don’t have- hiss-! friends!

Lyra: That kinda sounds like the problem, don’t it?

Hissy McFit: We don’t need friends! We control your country! We took every princess! And even if you somehow rescue them- hiss-! we’ll destroy Equestria!

Octavia: We hear your bluff, we’re just not sold on the tone alone. I mean, destroy Equestria? Really now.

Hissy McFit: If Queen Chrysalis sends the signal to the changelings posing as the princesses, they’ll declare war on every nation on the planet! Only- hiss-! they’ll make it look like Equestria is the one being attacked! The Equestrian Military will be split up and deployed immediately! By the time anyone in authority returns, it will be too late! Equestria will be doomed! Ha ha hiss-ha!

Bon-Bon: That’s quite a contingency…
Octavia: Stopping the changelings posing as the Elements of Harmony is no longer the priority.
Raindrops: So, we’re going to Canterlot to stop the imposer princesses?
Octavia: If we can even reach them. No doubt they’ve heightened security to limit their exposure to the public.
Lyra: I think I can take care of that.

Octavia: Vinyl-… Vinyl if you-… If you could just slow down a tad-! I can’t see a thing when you zoom the vision around like that! … Oh haha. Very funny.

Lyra: It all just looks like a lot of dreamscape nonsense. How does Princess Luna actually go in there?

Octavia: Different spell, different properties, I imagine.

Bon-Bon: Even when she holds it still I can’t make out anything.
Lyra: It’s like watching one of those time-lapse videos, through a telescope, from a foot away. What are we even looking for?
Octavia: Bare in mind I’ve only read about how this works when changelings are involved. Not much opportunity to practice it.

Raindrops: Woah.
Bon-Bon: Everything went dark.
Lyra: Did it break?
Octavia: Changeling dreams. Inky, amorphous blobs that draw in anything healthy and absorb it. They can fool us in the real world, but they can’t hide the darkness in their hearts.

Lyra: So it is changelings. That’s a relief. [Pause] I mean, at least we can fight back without hurting the ones we’re trying to save. Right?
Octavia: I’m not so sure. We’re three against seven. And that’s being generous.
Raindrops: Don’t you mean five against seven?
Octavia: I’m not counting ponies that can’t defend themselves.
Raindrops: That’s… That’s fair.

Bon-Bon: So what do we do? Round up as many ponies as we can and rush them?
Octavia: Ponyville ponies? If this were Cloudsdale or Manehattan perhaps. But Ponyville has about the meekest residents in Equestria.
Lyra: What about Zecora?
Bon-Bon: This is the last time we need somepony to get lost in the Everfree Forest.
Raindrops: So what do we do?

Octavia: I’m afraid I don’t have the answer… The only way S.M.I.L.E. could have been compromised is if the Seeker Network was taken down. And if the changelings got that far… They must have the princesses as well. Which means they have control over the entirety of the EUP. Even CUE… Whatever course of action we take had better work… Because we may be Equestria’s last line of defense…

Octavia: Bonnie.
Bon-Bon: Octavia. She checks out then?

Lyra: Her and Vinyl both.

Bon-Bon: Whatashame.
Octavia: Likewise. Is this all you’ve managed to gather?

Bon-Bon: Of course not. It’d be too suspicious to have everypony together, so we-
Octavia: Sent everypony away, to be prayed upon individually. You no longer have any indication they are or aren’t reliable. Possibly compromised any passcode distributed as well.
Raindrops: Oh no…
Octavia: Still haven’t taken any lessons from the past, Bonnie?
Bon-Bon: Hey! We saw something you didn’t!
Octavia: You acted first. I try to take a more informed approach. We no longer have that option.

Lyra: Stop it! Both of you! Whatever we’re up against; they took Spike! A baby! So unless you can clap your hooves and make it better-
Octavia: No qualms with targeting children… Given their selective approach it sounds like changeling tactics to me.

Bon-Bon: I thought so too, but Lyra brought up mind control as a possibility.

Octavia: I can’t think of anything capable of that on so specific a scale. Targeting some but not others. At least, nothing with a motive. But it is something we can test for. Even changelings have to sleep.

Bon-Bon: Nyx Eye… But that’s a fairly advanced spell. We don’t have time to-
Octavia: I think our DJ friend here can handle it, if she remembers how.

[Pause]

Octavia: Maybe after a quick refresher.

Lyra: Huh. Those clouds look sorta funny…

Raindrops: The picture is sideways. We’re in the middle of the vertical climb in a loop-de-loop.

Lyra: Woof. I never really thought about all the orientation-screwing those kinds of maneuvers must cause.

Blossomforth: You haven’t got a clue…

Raindrops: Oh! And I saw Rainbow Dash come back with Princess Twilight! Just as Twister and I were finishing up. I think they were, like, guest instructing some applicants with Captain Spitfire.

Blossomforth: I still can’t believe you’re in the Wonderbolts Academy.

Raindrops: Eh heh heh… Sorry…

Blossomforth: For what?

Raindrops: … Uh-?
Lyra: How did you do?
Raindrops: Oh! I did…! I mean, I think it was… I, uh, probably did alright-
Lyra: That’s great! Congratulations!
Blossomforth: Yeah! Great job!

Raindrops: Hehe! Thanks!

Lyra: Are you alright, Bon-Bon? What’s wrong?

Bon-Bon: Minuette is stuck in Canterlot, some issue with the trains. Vinyl can’t leave Manehatten. And while we have Raindrops here to fill in for Blossomforth after she sprained her wing- we have no unicorn!

Golden Harvest: Oh no! I’m so sorry, Bon-Bon! Should we reschedule again?

Bon-Bon: No… I’ve already held your team up. I don’t want to make you three have to keep pushing matches back because of me.

Golden Harvest: What if we let you borrow a player?

Bon-Bon: It wouldn’t be the same… Besides, we practiced plays and maneuvers-
Golden Harvest: I understand, Bon-Bon.

Lyra: [Sigh] I’ll do it.

Bon-Bon: I appreciate that, Lyra, but-
Lyra: I know the game, I know the team’s strategies. I know I’m terrible and I know there’s no way we’ll win. But I also know you love playing this game. And the only reason I ever agreed to play is because I saw how excited you were. I wanted to help you do what you love. Now, would you rather try as hard as you can and still lose or lose by default?

Bon-Bon: You know what, GH? We’ll at least give your team some real practice before you take this show on the road!

Golden Harvest: I’ll let the girls know, but we won’t go easy on you!

Bon-Bon: You’d better not! [Pause] Thanks, Lyra.

Lyra: Of course. Ready to lose, Raindrops?
Raindrops: Heehee! Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last!

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Blossomforth is all over you! Move!

Lyra: [Panting] Blossomforth… Can SEE DEEZ NUTS!

Blossomforth: Ugh! Rude!
Bon-Bon: Blossomforth can’t see anything if she’s standing on them. Come on! It doesn’t matter how much I have the ball if you give me nothing to work with!

Raindrops: I think you’re doing great, Lyra!

Lyra: … Thanks, Raindrops.

Octavia: Good evening, Vinyl. You look well-rested, which I would consider to be odd given we stand upon a sports field. I take it practice is a little one-sided?

Lyra: H-hey Octavia!

Octavia: Good evening, Lyra. Bonnie.
Bon-Bon: Octavia.

Octavia: Now Vinyl, you’ll recall that patron in Manehattan that canceled on you? … Well, they uncanceled. I came to see you as a formality, thinking you’d be too exhausted to perform. However-

Bon-Bon: It’s alright, Vinyl, you go ahead. I don’t think you’ll be getting much practice like this anyway. You and Raindrops can go too, Muffins. And thanks for filling in for our earth pony today!

Muffins: Sure! Happy to help! Although I’m not really sure I did anything…?

Bon-Bon: We’ll keep practicing, if you’re up to it Blossomforth.

Blossomforth: You bet!

Raindrops: I’ll just stick around and cheer everypony on then! Hehe, I don’t really have anything else to do.

Bon-Bon: Alright, Lyra. Get up.

Lyra: … Like I haven’t got embarrassed enough today…

Lyra: Look, all I’m trying to say is that Hamtaro was the best cartoon ever made-I’m not trying to turn this into some big debate. Mostly because it’s not debatable.
Blossomforth: How can you even say that in a universe where Cowboy Bebop exists?!
Lyra: Nothing wrong with the show, it just wasn’t Hamtaro. Not every show can reach that kind of potential.
Blossomforth: This is absurd! We Bare Bears is better than Hamtaro!
Lyra: Now now, let’s not say things we can’t take back.

Blossomforth: Ugh… Raindrops, bring us back to earth here.

Raindrops: Heh heh. Well, I really liked uh… KND?
Blossomforth: Are you kidding me?!
Lyra: Hmm. You liked how it’s world was much deeper than it appeared at first.

Raindrops: Yeah! Like My Little Human and Steven Universe!
Blossomforth: But it was just made up as they went along; you could tell that in season 1! At least Steven Universe did it right!
Lyra: Steven Universe did the same thing. Over half of the first season was just monster-of-the-week villain chasing. It’s a simple concept to get you started and acquainted with the characters before things get complicated.
Blossomforth: But the creators had things in motion even back then!
Lyra: But they weren’t realized until later in order to create self-contained episodes. Kids Next Door might not have done that as well, but it wasn’t supposed to. It was primarily comedy/action. Steven Universe is comedy/action/drama. If it was anything less than what it was it’d be terrible.

Bon-Bon: Swords down, fillies. I brought cookies. Still having your nerd-debate?

Lyra: What was your favorite cartoon, Bon-Bon?

Bon-Bon: Secret of NIHM.

Lyra: Ah… That’s a good one.
Blossomforth: That IS a good one.
Raindrops: I’ve never heard of it.

Lyra: I just… really didn’t like the episode…
Blossomforth: [Gasp] You didn’t like Mr. Greg?!

Lyra: What? No! That was fantastic!
Blossomforth: The Shortie Squad?

Lyra: No! Peridot is suddenly psychic, what’s not to love?

Blossomforth: The Lars episode?
Lyra: No!

Raindrops: Steven Floats was a little slow paced, I guess…
Lyra: No-ho-ho-ho-…

Blossomforth: … The one with Sour Cream’s dad?

Lyra: Yes…

Blossomforth: … What was wrong with it? Seemed pretty formulaic to me.

Lyra: That’s the- [Sigh] … Nevermind…

Raindrops: Lyra, you know how this works. Nopony is going to coax it out of you. You either say something or you don’t.

Lyra: I just… Marty was a jerk, sure, but why couldn’t he have made a real connection with Sour Cream? Why couldn’t the conflict of the episode have been about choosing to favor the parent that raised you or the parent you share interests with? Wouldn’t that have been a more interesting episode?

Blossomforth: Uh… I guess?
Raindrops: Maybe?

Lyra: Why can’t a parent disappear and come back… and come back with genuine interest in their child…?

Blossomforth: …Wha-?
Raindrops: They can do that Lyra- You’re right. That’s what should have happened.

Lyra: Haha! Yeah! But did you see the Ranger Tabes episode? That was awesome!

Blossomforth: Yeah it was! I had to pause it when she caught that dart and was just all… like it was nothing!

Lyra: Haha! Yeah! Right Raindrops?

Raindrops: Uh… I actually haven’t seen that one yet. I got up to the newest Chloe episode. At least I think it’s the newest one…

Lyra: I love Chloe! She’s my favorite character! I feel like she should be the main character.

Blossomforth: I actually like the three bears “fish-out-of-water” setup and the mix of wacky and normal characters they interact with. It’s refreshing and well balanced.

Lyra: Really? I feel Chloe would have the same “fish-out-of-water” experience considering her background. And her parents are great. And I just really want to know more about her and what she’s doing. I bet it’d make a great high school drama, only you know, set in college and staring a junior high student.

Blossomforth: Maybe, but it would never have the same balance of surreal and mundane, or the constant out-of-placeness that the bears have. It’s what makes the show special.

Lyra: I just find myself infinitely more interested in the Chloe episodes.
Blossomforth: Ah, but Chloe never met Ranger Tabes.
Lyra: Oooo… Good point.

Raindrops: My favorites are the bears’ past episodes.

Blossomforth: Oh my gosh! I love those! They’re all so sweet!
Lyra: I know, right?
Raindrops: Heehee.

Wow! I never thought I’d say this, but that was an incredible trick! Great job, Trixie!

Not sure what Starlight Glimmer was doing up there though.

Lyra: I don’t even know who lives here. I’d feel bad about peeking into an open window, but you did sneak into a castle. I mean, technically so did I, but only once. Twice. A smaller number than you.

[Rustle]

Lyra: Wait.. Is that…? Raindrops?!
Raindrops: [Gasp] … Uh… Hi.

Lyra: What are you doing? Oof. Have you lost your mind?

Raindrops: I… don’t know… what your…?
Lyra: Have you been stealing things from the human world?

Raindrops: No! Of course not…! I-… Yes! I mean no!

Lyra: Do you know how much trouble you could get in?! Do you?! Because I sure don’t! I can’t even comprehend how much trouble that is right now!

Raindrops: I know! I know! But-… Just look at this! These aren’t like the cheap, knockoff phones we have here! The charge on these things can last for days! And-and they don’t have to use texts to communicate. They can make phone calls! Real ones! Not like a crappy two-way radio! They connect to these towers that carry signals. Hundreds of signals! Thousand even! All at once! And these satellites! Floating around in space! Their connection is super fast! That’s why their internet is so powerful!

Lyra: Did you draw that chart?

Raindrops: And this paper! It’s so light and easy to carry! No more being weighted down by a hundred bits or less or carrying around fragile gemstones. And-and this stuff! It’s some kind of chemical. You spray it in somepony’s eyes when they try to attack you! Think about what this could have meant for us! Think about what it could mean for the future!

Lyra: Raindrops, stop!

Raindrops: And this thing! It shoots water out and spreads it all over the place! All that time spent scheduling rainfall and storms and supplying water to Cloudsdale when we could just let it go! Let the rain fall! Live like the Everfree! All that time wasted when we could be using our resources to better ourselves!

Lyra: But it’s not sustainable! All the resources spent on-!
Raindrops: Look at this bottle! Look how simple and elegant it is! And cheap! These things are mass-produced and sent all over their world! They’re battling thirst and hunger! Expanding their borders into territories we’d think were uninhabitable!

Lyra: Those things are non-biodegradable! They don’t decompose!
Raindrops: But what if they did? We have magic and they don’t!

Lyra: This has to stop! You can’t keep doing this!
Raindrops: I know! But… it means something, doesn’t it? There’s a bunch of alternate dimensions similar to ours, aren’t there? Why did the portal lead there? Why are we linked to their world? I know it’s a secret, but it doesn’t have to be a secret! It doesn’t have to be a hazard! We can help each other! We can change everything! [Heavy breathing]

Lyra: I… I’m not telling Twilight about this. But, Raindrops, you can’t go back there. Ever. I don’t know what all this means. And I certainly don’t know what all those charts mean. But you’re breaking the law. We can’t do that anymore.

Raindrops: I know… I never meant… I was just curious the first time.

Lyra: How did you even find out about it?

Raindrops: I saw all of you leaving the castle.
Lyra: [Omitted]. It was my fault.
Raindrops: Sorry!

Lyra: I have to go. I was never here. And you were never there! And this stuff… I don’t know how but it doesn’t exist. Not in this dimension. Do you understand?

Raindrops: Yes! I’m sorry! Thank you!

Lyra: Don’t mention it. Oof. Literally. Never mention any of this. Ever.