S: “Spell Creation Team”? Why, Equestria hasn’t funded anything that bloated and directionless since-
B: Nevermind. Get on with it.
S: Right then. I’m afraid I will have to request further clarification if I’m to be of any assistance. You see, there are certain methods of home defense that are considered unsafe and excessive. If your residence possessed any such instance… there is little that can be done. If you are worried about the security of the structure, then you may indicate so and I will keep such a message from the public eye.
B: Alternately, I need to know when this happened, who exactly you contacted, and how you contacted them.
S: Alternately? Are you insinuating that one ideology is to be chosen over the-?
B: Just answer the questions and then you can get back to your political whatever.
S: As much a delight as ever, I see.
S: That certainly does not sound like proper procedure, but perhaps the answer lies in the question: How exactly was your front door not accessible via “normal methods”?
S: Further, did you ever contact Canterlot directly about this issue? I feel there’s a detail obscured somewhere in all of this.
S: Consider your letter already added to Canterlot’s research division’s equine resources. Though perhaps if you let me know where your interests lay, I may be able to save you some time. Some divisions are more exclusive than others and the application process can be somewhat lengthy due to the number of candidates.
S: I would require more specifics about what series of events brought about the seizing of your residence, as I do not ready possess access to any such file. Are you aware of it’s present use or is it vacant? Condemned perhaps?
Bon-Bon: There you go, all set up.
S: You have my gratitude, madam. First of all, thank you for your continued cooperation. Transporting operations will begin in the morning. Though I am not directly involved, I would estimate the relocation process concluding before the day’s end. The cargo will be handled swiftly, but with care.
S: Now then, different research teams are compensated at different levels. Your field of study would be a greater determining factor then any other, and to that end I’m afraid I have no basis to measure. CUE is not directly involved and I am presently in communication with you as an intermediary, nothing more. If accepted among the initial applicants, which in all likelihood you would be, then you would have the opportunity to ask any further questions to whichever individual team is interviewing you. I can assure you, however, that as a government position the benefits would be substantial.
S: Regarding the Celestial Unified Elite as an organization, I am not particularly comfortable with the level of transparency that has already been established. Of course, I understand the apprehension that some may feel at the notion of a government body keeping secrets from the public. But one must never forget that knowledge, as a tool, may be used as a weapon. And as defenders of this nation it is a priority to keep weapons out of the reach of those under trained, or undisciplined, to properly handle them.
Bon-Bon: A kiss, hmm? Haha! But I don’t individually wrap them. I just put them in a segmented container. I also can’t call them a Kiss, so they’re chocolate drops.
Bon-Bon: Lyra will eat a single potato chip. It’s kinda freaky; I’ve never seen anypony else do that.
Bon-Bon: Also, hi Lyra! Hope you’re enjoying yourself! The dog is doing fine without you! Love the pictures you took!
Bon-Bon: She has a second photoset queued for tomorrow morning, too!
S: My apologies. I am known simply as S, or occasionally as Snake. While I appreciate your compliments, I believe the entire situation here has been grossly misunderstood. Not your fault, of course. The two individuals you spoke with previously were ill-informed and I would like to apologize on their behalf. As such, and as a sign of goodwill, I would like to freeze any action regarding the texts until we’ve managed to come to an understanding.
Keep reading
Lyra and I talked it over for a bit, and she likes me answering questions with her. So we decided that you can ask me questions too.
It’s still her blog, but I’ll be around a little now.
1) B: I don’t know the first one, but sunrise for the second. Not that she’s ever up early enough to see one.
2) B: Sounds like the opening to a playset commercial.
3) B: Why are you asking?
4) B: And how exactly do you plan to distribute this theoretic blight of boredom?
5) B: That was funny.
6) B: How does she deal with this [omitted] every [omitted] day?
1) B: You mean the one that tried to comfort his friend? Yes. Shame on him. He should have done what you’re doing.
2) B: Be glad I got to this ask and not Lyra. For the first portion, allow me to direct you here. For the second, the notion of grimdark derives from there being absolutely no hope. Things certainly didn’t go well for that filly, but she made it through. She found the light at the end of the tunnel and followed it out. Well, mostly.
3) B: Not being Lyra, I’d be fairly confused. Figured her demographic was a little younger.
4) B: She knows you meant well.
5) B: When I heard she made friends with a griffon, I was more than a little surprised myself.
6) B: Pretty sure Lyra doesn’t believe in ghosts. I believe in spirits, but you don’t want to hear about me.
7) B: I can’t tell if you’re calling Lyra a social justice… whatever. Or what exactly you’re doing.
No seriously. Change your password, Lyra. Don’t just change the 0 to a 1. Change your password, you idiot.
Lyra Edit: Go the hay on, B!
Might want to change your password, Madam Melodrama. (Animated)
By having a smile. Also by having good posture, sitting in the front row, doing volunteer work, getting exercise, and practicing extensive hygiene.
B: See? I like this guy.
Lyra Edit: Real cute, B.
1) B: We were never involved in any official capacity, no. We knew better than to try. Too different.
2) B: Oh, I’m sure.
3) B: My apologies; I thought we were having a conversation. I wasn’t aware you were just raving like a mad mare.
Kinky.
1) B: There isn’t even a B in my real name.
2) B: If you’re asking why I don’t like you, it’s because you have too much power for somepony that wields it so carefree.
3) B: Actually, yes.
B: And, Lyra, I would like to take this time to note that I am not saying we’ve ever had sex, as per your request.
1) B: She and I have come to a number of understandings over the years. Mostly I’d just rather her not be dead. I don’t have very many friends anymore. This job takes up most of my time and all of my identity.
B: Any outside friends or family I used to have think I died two years ago.
2) B: Stupidity like that is how I’ve become so jaded.
3) B: I have a difficult time grasping how you came to that conclusion.
4) B: What do you mean, the shapeshifter?
5) B: Must be some kind of computer code. I’m not that great with computers.
