???: Ah! Bonnie! So good of you to finally grace us with your presence!

Tootsie: Hi, Jacques!
Jacques: Salut, Lady Liza!

Bon-Bon: It’s a pleasure to be served by you, Jacques. This is Lyra.

Jacques: The maiden of honor herself-!
Lyra: And while I hate to start us off on the wrong hoof, your face is entirely too close to my face.

Jacques: Je vous prie d'accepter mes excuses. I am Jacques and I will be your waiter for this evening.

Lyra: Nice to meet you Jacques.

Jacques: How may I begin your dining experience tonight?

Bon-Bon: Well Lyra, if you’re done gawking at the menu, I’ll be ordering for the both of us.

Lyra: I can order for myself!

Bon-Bon: Sure you can. Soon as I can trust you to not order something cheap.

Tootsie: What about me?

Bon-Bon: Just don’t make yourself sick.
Tootsie: Suh-wee~t!
Lyra: Wait a minute! That’s not fair! She can order for herself but I can’t?!

Bon-Bon: She knows what food tastes like.
Tootsie: Heehee!

Lyra: Bon-Bon. Psst. Bon-Bon!
Bon-Bon: I’m only sitting across from you, Lyra.
Lyra: We have to get out of here! This place is even more expensive than I thought!

Bon-Bon: I told you not to worry about it.

Lyra: Why are we even here? Most of crap on this menu is more expensive than a week’s groceries!

Bon-Bon: Because you will learn what good food tastes like if I literally have to shove it down your throat.

Lyra: I know what good food tastes like!

Bon-Bon: No. You know what passable food tastes like. You probably know what okay food tastes like. And you might’ve even had overpriced food. But there is no mistaking good food. And if you’d had it before you wouldn’t eat half of the slop you do with a grin.
Lyra: Bet me…
Bon-Bon: And unfortunately the only place in Ponyville that serves good food is on the pricier side. I consider it an investment in your culinary education.

Tootsie: Do I order from the cheap menu or the expensive menu?

Bon-Bon: Your mother will be covering you.

Tootsie: Sweet!

Bon-Bon: It was nice of your bosses to finally give you a Saturday off.

Lyra: You’d think it was the least they could do after forcing me to work on Nightmare Night, sick and throwing up. Last real day off I had was to visit the fillies and colts at the end of the school year in June. I practically had to chop off my hooves this time. The new company is pretty cruel.

Bon-Bon: Well, I’m just glad you’ll be here. And to see Countess Coloratura no less!

Lyra: Me too! I’m looking forward to tonight! She might not be my favorite, but she can sing really well under all that drama! Seems kinda silly to open with your headline act, though. But I guess she probably wouldn’t agree to less.

1) Bon-Bon: I don’t know. Where she comes from I hear they’re pretty lazy.

Lyra: What? Oh? Yeah, well… Heh heh, I forgot what I was going to say.

Bon-Bon: Haha!

2) Truly a dastardly monster.

3) Now I can finally call my tumblr a blog.

I won’t though.

4) .

Lyra: Okay. That’s all she wrote.

Bon-Bon: I’m excited!

Lyra: Really? I’m embarrassed.

Bon-Bon: Stop stalling and serve the thing!

Lyra: Here. Go nuts.
Bon-Bon: Hmm…
Lyra: It’s awful, isn’t it?
Bon-Bon: Of course not! It’s great! You did a great job.

Lyra: I’m delighted. I feel like a yearling.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, you have to start somewhere.

Lyra: This feels more like the starting point for somepony who’s a fire hazard.

Bon-Bon: It’s about following directions and not looking for a shortcut. When you’ve had experience, then you can start trying new things and going by taste. Real taste. Not lots-of-salt taste. But this was a good step! We’ll build from here!

Ribbon: It looks just like the pictures. Absolutely amazing, Tootsie!

Tootsie: Liza.

Ribbon: Liza. Yes. I’m just so proud of you!

Tootsie: Thanks!

Ribbon: I mean, you display such proficiency and skill-
Tootsie: Mom.
Ribbon: I can’t imagine you doing anything else!
Tootsie: Mom.
Ribbon: If you’re this good now, just think of what you’ll be capable of in the-
Tootsie: Mom!

Ribbon: Alright, alright. Go grab your things. I’ll carry your horticulture marvel. I’m sure your father will be delighted to see your work! Look Bonnie!

Bon-Bon: I’ve been watching her take care of that flower for the last few months, Ribbon.

Ribbon: But just look here! Where the leaves change color? The book says that’s very hard to do!

Bon-Bon: And that’s wonderful, Ribbon! I’m happy for Liza.

Ribbon: Oh you shush. I’m a mother and I’m proud of my daughter’s work. Nothing more.

Bon-Bon: Right… Can you hurry up and get that thing out of here? Lyra’s been sneezing like mad ever since it bloomed.

Ribbon: Really? Almost a shame to take it then.

Bon-Bon: I don’t know what got between you two, but I don’t like it.

Ribbon: She won’t like it either…

Bon-Bon: I didn’t catch that?

Ribbon: Oh-uh, our maid, dear. She has allergies too. I’m sure she won’t like the flower either. But nothing for you to be concerned with!

1) Wow. Well I’m glad you’re okay now! Don’t suppose you know how this happened or how to prevent it from happening again, do you? It’s okay if you can’t tell me.

2) Eh. I mean, I’ve heard it’s hilarious, ingenious, thought provoking, challenging, and with a morality system that makes your actions feel like they truly have weight. Basically brilliant on every developmental level.

But I have absolutely no interest in it. Whenever a game has pass/fail objectives that alter the ending, possibly without you even knowing it, I feel overwhelmed. Like I have to study what to do, where, and when, before even starting, or else I’ll mess something up.

3) Lyra: What do you think, Bon-Bon? Should I?

Bon-Bon: What’s uhpdha- NO!
Lyra: Nuttin’ much, Bon-Bon~
Bon-Bon: Don’t you dare!
Lyra: Wassup witchu~?!

4) Thanks! Actually, the original was just stick figures. I redid it even better!

Bon-Bon: You’re awful quiet since we left.

Lyra: I… don’t really know what to say.

Bon-Bon: Did you at least enjoy yourself?

Lyra: Of course! Yes! Absolutely! I’m just… you sang so well.

Bon-Bon: I should hope so. I’d been practicing that song for the last two months. Surprised I didn’t spoil things by humming it around the house or something.

Lyra: No, I was… completely…

Bon-Bon: I know… you don’t feel the same way about me that I do for you. You probably never will. But I want you to at least know how much you mean to me. How much having you here means to me. And one day when you leave-
Lyra: Bon-Bon I’m not-
Bon-Bon: I’m not naive, Lyra. I know you’re not going to stay here forever. Ponyville is like a vacation to you. A hideaway. It’s a nice place to get away from it all. You get to ignore things a bit. But one day you’re going to get restless and… you’re going to go back. Back to Canterlot or back to the bustle of some other city-I don’t know which. When that happens, I want you to know that I’ll still be here. No matter how long you’re gone. No matter what happens.

Lyra: I… don’t…

Bon-Bon: There’s nothing for you to say. I just want you to be happy.

Lyra: I just want you to be happy.

Bon-Bon: Then maybe one day we’ll both be happy.

Lyra: Haha. You know, out of context, a lot of these aren’t even obviously gay.

Bon-Bon: Well I said I didn’t know. Are you sure you want to do this?

Lyra: Sure! You brought me here. They can listen to me caterwaul for a while. Now clear the way. I need space to move for this.

Bon-Bon: Okay! Good luck! And have fun!

Lyra: … At first I was afraid. I was petrified!

[Applause]

Lyra: Okay. So I think I figured out it.

Bon-Bon: Figured what out?

Lyra: Why I’d never been here. Never heard of it. It’s a gay bar.

Bon-Bon: It is not.

Lyra: We caught the tail end of I Kissed a Girl and just sat through I’m Coming Out.

Bon-Bon: That’s just a coincidence.

Lyra: Oh really? Not up on human songs, are you? Never heard this one then?

Bon-Bon: No.

Lyra: Two seconds for the lyrics to kick in… Still going to deny it?
Bon-Bon: Oh Celestia… I’ve been coming here for like two years…

Lyra: Now you’re going to pretend like you didn’t know?

Bon-Bon: Honestly I didn’t! I’m not trying to embarrass you! I want you to have a good time! I wouldn’t have brought you here if I knew!

Lyra: Oh I don’t care. At least there’s not a lot of ponies here.

Lyra: And here I thought I’d been to every bar, diner, and restaurant in Ponyville. Door leading straight into a basement? This place is a real hole-in-the-wall. Also possibly in violation of some zoning regulations, being in a residential area.

Bon-Bon: Everything’s fine. Stop being nervous. You babble when you’re nervous.

Lyra: I… I’m not nervous… So, we just…?

Bon-Bon: Yup. Just sit at a table. Somepony will come over in a minute.

[Applause]

Lyra: So, the stage. Local talent?

Bon-Bon: It’s a karaoke bar, so something like that.

Lyra: Oh. Huh. I didn’t think Ponyville had one of these. And there’s quite a few couples here. Guess I’m just out of the loop.

Bon-Bon: Guess so.

Waitress: Hello there! How’s the evening treating you? What can I get you started with?

Bon-Bon: Get up. Here. Put this on. We’re going out.

Lyra: Is this my black dress?

Bon-Bon: Yes. Dry cleaned and pressed. You should really take better care of your things. It was wadded up in the corner.

Lyra: Why am I putting this on? And where are we going?

Bon-Bon: When you started staying here over five years ago, we had an agreement. I didn’t hold you down. I didn’t twist your hoof.

Lyra: Bon-Bon, I-
Bon-Bon: I didn’t even count that agent pony because you only went out with him once. Now it’s been at least a year since you broke up with Krastos. I didn’t press the matter. I didn’t harass you over it. I gave you all the time in the world to cope. But you’ve had time enough and a promise is a promise.

Lyra: I’m really not-
Bon-Bon: “If things don’t work out in my next relationship, I’ll go on a date with you.” I’m paraphrasing, but something like that.

Lyra: I-I mean, I work tomorrow.

Bon-Bon: You work night tomorrow. You’ll be fine. Now no more excuses. Get up. We leave in five. You can walk beside me or I can drag you by your tail.

Lyra: I… Ugh… Alright just, make it somewhere there’s not a lot of ponies! Like I don’t get enough rumors…

Lyra: Say, Bon-Bon? Have you ever thought about moving?

Bon-Bon: What?

Lyra: You know, moving away from Ponyville.

Bon-Bon: Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?

Lyra: Oh no. I was just wondering.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, Ponyville is where my business is. I can’t just drag it around behind me. If I moved to another small town I’d have to start all over again. And if I moved to a big city I’d be driven out of business by competition. I know because that’s exactly what I would do.

Lyra: What about, like, franchising and chains?

Bon-Bon: I suppose that’s possible somewhere down the road. And sure, I’d have to at least move temporarily to help get it started. But I’d have to have a lot of money stored up. And that’s just not happening anytime soon. If ever. Why do you ask? I thought you loved Ponyville.

Lyra: Oh I do! I was just curious, you know, about the future.

Bon-Bon: That’s a lo~ng ways away. I’m focused more on the foreseeable future right now.

Lyra: Oh, okay.

Ribbon: Yes, but surely you could have done it, right?

Bon-Bon: The only thing I could have done was told them from the start how unfeasible it was. A chocolate fountain fixture built into the cake is one thing, but a working chocolate waterfall? On a seven layered cake? That might not be impossible, but the cost and time associated with planning, testing and putting something like that together would cost more than anypony having a wedding in Ponyville could afford. Especially under the short notice they had.

Ribbon: Haha! Of course! That was quite a short time to plan a wedding in!

Lyra: Rarity tends to plan a little big, but she’s also not one to shy away from a challenge.

Ribbon: And it all did work out in the end. At least, that’s what the article said.

Lyra: I don’t know first hoof, but Applejack said the ceremonies went without a hitch. And you’d be hard-pressed to challenge Applejack’s word.

Ribbon: Nice to know magazines can still tell the truth sometimes. And it’s so nice of you to join us for once, Lyra.

Lyra: Yeah, I’m usually working on Fridays and the weekend.

Ribbon: Are you? I was under the impression government employees didn’t work on holidays or weekends.

Lyra: I’m actually subcontracted. I work for-

Ribbon: Subcontracted? You poor dear. I’m so sorry. How dreadful.

Bon-Bon: Ribbon…

Ribbon: Oh, it’s not her fault. It’s a terrible system designed to cut corners and underpay employees. You don’t even get any benefits, do you?

Lyra: Well, there’s been some talk about it under the new group that bought the contract, but I don’t know when it’s supposed to start. Right now we’re under probation-

Ribbon: Under probation! You’ve been working there for a year, haven’t you? See? Down right criminal treatment. Ought to be illegal. But, if it’s a government operation, who’s going to call them out on it? It’s tragic, really.

Lyra: Y-yeah…

1) B: I don’t watch television.

2) Got something in mind, do you? I’m sure you know the rules by now.

3) Bon-Bon: Well, I offered to chaperone because Liza expressed interest. But she wound up not going. I was still obligated. It was fun though!