Ribbon: So… That new school of Twilight’s looks… lovely.

Lyra: Ugh… As if the castle wasn’t enough of an eyesore.

Ribbon: Well, at least it’s for a good cause.

Bon-Bon: Twilight had quite a bit of trouble getting the doors to stay open.

Ribbon: So I heard. It’s a shame how the EEA caused such a ruckus. Behavior like that is what starts conflict.

Lyra: Really? You’re one-hundred percent on board with an international school of friendship?

Ribbon: Hmm? Oh certainly. We’re lucky so many other nations are willing to participate.
Bon-Bon: Wait for it…
Ribbon: It’s the perfect opportunity to elevate these other species away from their antiquated traditions.
Bon-Bon: There it is.
Ribbon: Did you know Hippogriffs don’t even have a standardized currency? An established society like theirs? You’d only expect something so backwards from Yaks or Dragons.

Bon-Bon: It continuously amazes me how you can manage to be in the right, yet do so for all the wrong reasons.

Ribbon: Oh dear Bonnie. If you didn’t come to the same, financially-profitable conclusion you’re simply not being creative enough.

Lyra: That Maud Pie sure was… somethin’ else! I mean, Pinkie had said so much about her “humor”, but it really… uh… pales in comparis-
Bon-Bon: Are we seriously going to trot around how incredibly uncomfortable that was?
Lyra: Oh thank Celestia you said it instead of me. You are an Earth Pony, so I didn’t-
Bon-Bon: No, that was weird.
Lyra: Okay good! What the heck?! Was the joke supposed to be that it wasn’t funny? ‘Cause it wasn’t funny!
Bon-Bon: I mean, it’s not like I have wings or magic to lift things with. Of course I have to walk everywhere and use my mouth. There’s no other timely way to accomplish day-to-day tasks.
Lyra: Right? And it must taste awful too. It’d be impossible to never touch anything with your tongue.

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: This is not an open forum to discuss-
Lyra: Yes! NO! I’m so sorry! I-I’m just trying to be sensitive and-and-
Bon-Bon: Well stop it! Earth Ponies are a proud race and we’ve never needed extra consideration. Our Equestrian society may have developed in a direction that doesn’t glorify the use of Earth Pony magic, but it’s still there! I use it everyday!

Lyra: Yes! I’m sorry! I-
Bon-Bon: Stop! Being! Sorry!

[Pause]

Lyra: Okay…

[Long Pause]

Lyra: The rock jokes were funny though, right?
Bon-Bon: Oh yes! That was hilarious!

Lyra: Well that blew chucks.

Bon-Bon: Yes. Being held captive for 3 days isn’t what I would call “fun“.

Lyra: It’s a good thing for them that Twilight and her friends came back. ‘Cause I was about to give each and every one of those ogres a left… and a right!

Bon-Bon: Right…

Lyra: And a left.

Bon-Bon: Fantasies aside, that might have been the worst things have ever gotten.

Lyra: Nah. Discord was still out there, so even Tirek had him beat. And Chrysalis 2: Electric Boogaloo actually managed to capture all 4 princess and get away. It took Emo Backstory and The B Cast to save the day that time, with a little help from us. I’d rate Storm Drain right around a Nightmare Moon; lot of flash, not a lot of substance.

Bon-Bon: … You are so full of crap it’s dripping out of your ears.
Lyra: Heh.

Bon-Bon: I am starting to get a little worried though. I mean, these attacks seem to be happening more and more frequently. Where are we now? Bi-yearly plots to overthrow Equestria?

Lyra: Well, among those that manage to get off the ground.

Bon-Bon: That makes it even worse.

Bon-Bon: You’re… not looking so hot.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: More nightmares?

Lyra: Yee.

Bon-Bon: Reoccurring nightmares?

Lyra: Uh-uh.

Bon-Bon: You… sometimes make Tumblr posts about new ones. Did you-?
Lyra: No.

Bon-Bon: That bad?

Lyra: And graphic.

Bon-Bon: Yeesh.

Lyra: Why am I like this? I never hear anypony else having nightmares all the time. Isn’t Luna supposed to be watching over the dreamscape or something? Are my nightmares not bad enough? Is it just me? Am I overreacting?

Bon-Bon: You’ve talked to her one-on-one half a dozen times. Why haven’t you ever asked?

Lyra: “Oh hey, Princess Luna! I wake up multiple times every night weeping from the ghastly visions my broken mind won’t stop producing. What, may I ask, the [omitted], your majesty?“

Bon-Bon: I’m sure you could think of a better way to word that.

Bon-Bon: Oh, I forgot to ask you yesterday. What kind of pie did Pinkie Pie give you?

Lyra: Apple.

Bon-Bon: Really?

Lyra: Yes. Why?

Bon-Bon: Well, I got an apple pie too.
Lyra: Hey! We got the same… Wait a minute. You got an apple pie? Not, oh say, chocolate fudge?

Bon-Bon: What a strange question. Are you accusing me of lying?

Lyra: No no. It’s just that Pinkie Pie made everypony their favorite pie. I thought yours was-
Bon-Bon: Chocolate fudge- I’m flattered you noticed. Upon reflection I believe you are right and it was a chocolate fudge pie. So then, your favorite pie is apple?

Lyra: Yes.

Bon-Bon: I see. I wonder how she makes apple pies for you. I’ll go ask Pinkie Pie how she makes hers.
Lyra: Go ahead.
Bon-Bon: Yes. I believe I’ll say “Pinkie Pie, how do you make Lyra’s favorite pie?“

Lyra: Wh- That’s a strange way to word that, isn’t it? You wouldn’t just ask how she makes apple pies?

Bon-Bon: What if she does something special for your apple pies? I’d like to know for your benefit, after all. [Pause] Or is there some even more specific way I should ask? [Pause] Maybe you have something you’d like to share?

[Pause]

Lyra: ALRIGHT IT WAS STRAWBERRY VANILLA CREAM!
Bon-Bon: I KNEW IT!

Bon-Bon: Uh… Hi. I went to use the bathroom and I saw your light on-
Lyra: Then why were you in the kitchen?

Bon-Bon: Alright… My fat flank rolled out of bed deliberately to get a snack. Happy?

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: So uh… Whatcha eatin’?

Lyra: Expired novelty gummies.

Bon-Bon: Ah… [Crinkle] September… of last year. Closer to hard candy than gummies these days.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: I got these for you, what, four Hearth’s Warmings back? I assumed by now you were just going to keep them.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: Having one of those introspective nights then. I guess I’ll leave-
Lyra: You don’t have to.

[Pause]

Lyra: You can stay, if you want.

Bon-Bon: Okay.

Lyra: Want a gummy?

Bon-Bon: Sure. Why not?

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: Huh. They start off hard, but then they slowly turn back to normal.

[Pause]

Lyra: Yeah…

Spike: And I promise you won’t hurt my feelings. I just need to know which one is better!

Lyra: [Gulp] Seriously, Spike? You tried to beat sweet potatoes with cauliflower?

Spike: Well, that was part of the contest…

Lyra: I mean, yeah, [Chew Smack] Twilight’s sweet potato muffins are a little doughy, but it’s sweet potato! [Gulp] You can’t beat sweet potato with-
Bon-Bon: The cauliflower bites are the superior dish.

Spike: [Gasp] Thanks Bon-Bon! Yeahoo!

[Pause]

Lyra: You just lied to a child.

Bon-Bon: Which of us has the chef’s palette? Besides, if somepony didn’t tell him he won I think he was going to get sick eating all those muffins.

Lyra: You just admitted your decision wasn’t impartial.

Bon-Bon: You’re just jealous I got a hug.

Lyra: You don’t even like hugs…

Bon-Bon: Did you see the cover of VAIN this month?

Lyra: Oh yeah! I remember when Rarity had her mane like this for a bit. Sometime around May I think? I really dug the punk rocker look. Though the faux-leather was kind of weird.

Bon-Bon: Yes, I think maybe Fluttershy or Applejack pulled her aside and explained the implications, especially with Ponyville’s cattle residents. I noticed she didn’t wear the vest very long.

Lyra: I liked the denim jacket better anyway. More rebel.

Bon-Bon: Then I remember she switched to that canvas dress and hat that she let foals draw on.

Tootsie: I drew a flower!

Lyra: That was pretty cool too. When did all of that start anyway?

Bon-Bon: I think it was around Mare’s Day.

Lyra: Oh yeah! How did your mother like the flowers?

Bon-Bon: She said they were nice and thanked me. Basic stock response.

Lyra: Oh… Sorry.

Bon-Bon: Hmm? About what?

Lyra: Uh… Nothing, I guess.

adrianianam:

zonmii:

my gf wanted an eevee evolution that was just “big eevee” so here they are

wow a real updog

Lyra: Da dadada danda This is the joke that never ends. ‘Cause you just fell for it again.
Bon-Bon: If we were married I’d want a divorce.
Lyra: Somepony just- stah ha ha ha ha ha! I mean really?! Really Bon-Bon! “Well gee there, Lyra. An updog you say? I don’t think I’m quite familiar. Hyuck!“ Hah hah hah!

Bon-Bon: You ever heard the story of the filly who cried wolf?

Lyra: You ever heard the story of the filly who cried UPDOG?! HA~! Hahahahaha!

Lyra: So… I take it the exterminator visit went well.

Bon-Bon: They said they’d already been informed by Applejack and were prepared, but I didn’t see 40 ponies on duty. They’ll be the first to fall.

Lyra: Wow! That’s… dark. Coming from you.

Tootsie: Do we really have to sit here with all the lights off?

Bon-Bon: Sorry Liza, flyders are attracted to light. It leads them to prey.

Lyra: Everypony else has their lights on.

Bon-Bon: Get away from the window!
Lyra: Geez!
Bon-Bon: If they see us it’ll already be too late!

Tootsie: Aunt Bon-Bon, you’re kinda acting more like I’d expect Lyra to be acting.

Lyra: Hmm… I’d take offense to that but I can see where you’re coming from.

Bon-Bon: You two have never even seen flyders before!

Lyra: Wait a minute, are you… afraid?

Bon-Bon: Are you… insane?

Lyra: I mean, I’ve seen you upset, confused, angry, worried, but afraid? I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: Is this going somewhere-?!
Lyra: Do you have a phobia?

Bon-Bon: H-… How can you have a phobia about something that will actively try to kill you?!

Tootsie: The CMC said they went camping over the weekend.

Bon-Bon: Well that’s nice and wholesome.

Tootsie: Yeah, except they said they were attacked by a swarm of Flyders?
Bon-Bon: [Coughing][Sputtering] FLYDERS?!

Tootsie: Ye-
Bon-Bon: Where were they?!

Tootsie: I-Iuh… W-Winsome Falls?

Bon-Bon: That’s not far from here… Close all the windows! Call Lyra and tell her to get back here ASAP! I’ve got to contact the town exterminator! They have to prepare for this!

Tootsie: Bon-Bon! Wait! What’s a-…! What’s a Flyder?

Bon-Bon: What?

Lyra: What?

Bon-Bon: You can’t be serious.

Lyra: Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like Vanilla Strawberry Cream. I’m just saying it’s not always the best.

Bon-Bon: That doesn’t make any sense. You love Vanilla Strawberry. It’s your favorite ice cream, it’s your favorite cake. It’s your favorite ice cream cake. It’s your favorite cookie, it’s your favorite candy. If I knew how to bake it into a bagel, it’d be your favorite bagel. And you don’t even like bagels!

Lyra: Shows how much you know. I love strawberry bagels!

Bon-Bon: This is exactly what I’m talking about!

Lyra: I’m talking about Vanilla Strawberry Cream! They put it on everything!

Bon-Bon: Of course they do! We make what sells! And your conveniently deniable obsession with Vanilla Strawberry drives the entire market! It can’t possibly be overused!

Lyra: [Scoff] Well I think Vanilla Strawberry Cream is overused!

Bon-Bon: Hmph!

Spike: Yes! Fighting! [Pause] Uh… I mean, what seems to be the problem?

Bon-Bon: I can’t stay here, I have work in the morning!

Lyra: This is ridiculous. We’ve been out here for like fifteen minutes. They can’t just hide in there! We have valid questions that need answering!

Berryshine: Yeah! It’s like they think they can just sing a song and it’ll solve everypony’s problems!

Lyra: Oh that is so Twilight too. Just sing a song and walk away.

Rose: There she is! They’re coming out!

[Ravenous uproar]

Twilight: Everypony please! If I can have your attention!

Reporter Pony?: Princess Twilight-!
Twilight: I am so sorry, but we will not be taking questions at this time-
Reporter Pony?: My pencil…

Twilight: Everypony, we would like to let you all know just how thrilled we are that The Friendship Journal was such a hit among so many ponies! So much so that you’ve taken a break from your everyday lives to gather here. It is for this reason, and many others, that I invite you all to return to your homes and reread the work! But this time, do so at a slower pace. Reflect upon the many lessons found within, but only one-at-a-time. Maybe only read one lesson a day!

Rainbow Dash: But mostly just go home!

Reporter Pony?: And what if we don’t?!

[Cries of approval]

Twilight: That is a very good question! And if I could just direct your attention to the center of Ponyville-! [Zap] Which is where you now are. For those of you remaining, I can’t promise you you’ll all end up in the same place if you stay, but I can assure you it won’t be here.

[Pause, Grumbles of Dispersal]

Twilight: Thank you! Thank you for reading! And if any of you find your way to Sweet Apple Acres on your way back, be sure to let everypony there know they are trespassing on royal land, gifted to the Apple family, who have the sole authority to prosecute!

Lyra: No doubt about it, Lisa, you were right! Applejack is the best!

Tootsie: Thanks!

Bon-Bon: I’ve always felt welcome on Sweet Apple Acres, but I’ve never just… you know, relaxed before!

Tootsie: You should relax more often!

Bon-Bon: Maybe I should!

Applejack: [Pant] Sorry the… the plate’s empty… All the other guests already… Do you fillies need anything?

Lyra: We’re fine over here, Applejack!

Bon-Bon: Thanks a bunch, Applejack!

Tootsie: We love you, Applejack!

Dinky: And how! Yee~haw~!

Applejack: [Dejected Sigh]

Lyra: Did that sigh sound, I don’t know, dejected to anypony else?

Bon-Bon: Those don’t sound like relaxing thoughts.

Tootsie: Hey everypony! I’m-
Lyra: Say what again, filly! SAY WHAT AGAIN!

Bon-Bon: Rarity is a selfish, self-centered, manipulating-
Tootsie: totally not surprised…
Bon-Bon: -with an ego only rivaling Rainbow Dash!

Lyra: Oh yeah?! Well guess who’s an eccentric, hyperactive, stalker; and at least three times more controlling than even Twilight Sparkle?! Knock knock, it’s Pinkie Pie!

Bon-Bon: [Gasp] How dare you take the Ponk’s name in vain?!

Lyra: You’re just a-!
Bon-Bon: I’ll have you know-!

[Unintelligible Yelling]

Tootsie: “Say, Lisa, who gave your favorite friendship lessons?” Oh, I really liked Fluttershy’s because I know what it’s like to feel small and anxious about speaking out. I found her lessons to be the most relatable. “Gee, Lisa, that’s so mature and adult of you!“ Thanks, but my favorite lessons were Applejack’s. You know why? Because she actually CARES ABOUT FAMILY!

[Door Slam; Pause]

Lyra: Um… Lisa’s home.

Bon-Bon: You don’t say?