Lyra: Okay, so next one! Not nearly as dark.

Lyra: So yeah. How about that? Only two years too late for me to ever be famous, but still.

Fuselight: Better late than never, as they say.

Bon-Bon: I don’t… [laugh] really care.

Fuselight: Tumblr seems to be much more excited about the idea than you or I would be, it seems. It’s neat, I guess, but that’s about it.

Lyra: Alright, so [omitted] you both then.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Right. Trying not to… Swear. Sorry.

Fuselight: [chuckles] Woah ho there! I didn’t see that coming!

Lyra: We’re all adu-

Fuselight: So much for foal-friendly, eh?

Lyra: Ah yeah. Ha, sorry.

Fuselight: Oh well. Slip of the tongue! Happens to the best of us.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the other two parts will be posted over the next two days. So look forward to it!

1) There have been efforts recently to negotiate with the current griffon ruler, but for now completely. Only griffons that have entered Equestria in the past with no serious criminal record are free to come and go.

2) The lonely night seems to do that to some ponies. Tomorrow is a brighter day!

3) Lyra: Hey! It’s not my fault the vacuum suddenly didn’t want to start!

Bon-Bon: But it is my fault the vacuum suddenly did want to start. And whatever you did, it better not happen again!

Lyra: … Hate that stupid vacuum…

4) What’s Labor Day?

Why would they study your eye?

5) The trend seems to be toward Kindergarten and the Sped department in primary schools. I do get to sit in on music classes sometimes, but I’m not really supposed to do anything unless there’s a problem.

There was this one time where I got to play a tambourine and the music teacher was pleased.

Lyra: Hello! Today on AskLyra we have a special guest: Fuselight!

…

Lyra: Say something.

Fuselight: Oh, it’s going already? Uhm, something! Hello, miss Lyra’s Tumblr!

Lyra: Pay attention, dude. Okay so we’re- Well, usually when I answer questions I cut it up. Like, this is an answer. Okay we’re done. Start the recording the next one. Sometimes there’s multiple takes. Sometimes I’ll, like, write an entire script and I’m basically just reading off of it. But uh… [nervous laughter] We’re-we’re just going to try recording this all in one uh… uh… thing. One take, yeah. So here we go!

Bon-Bon: Wow, couldn’t have picked a better one to start?

Fuselight: Oh dear, they get right into it, don’t they?

Lyra: This is my world. Tumblr world.

Fuselight: Well this is what I’m here for. Okay, well you start miss Lyra. I’ll go after you.

Lyra: Well, I’d say that wouldn’t be a typical reaction. If such an event occured, despite what any movie might depict, that’s just not how a normal pony’s brain reacts.

Fuselight: I think it depends on the pony’s mentality beforehand. I mean, you and I haven’t had the best childhoods, but we’re not insane killers.

Bon-Bon: Yeah, it just doesn’t make sense to me. You’d have to already be suffering some some mental disorder. I mean, right?

Lyra: I would think so.

Fuselight: Maybe not a disorder, but a pony needs to be seriously unstable first to become such a thing. One event wouldn’t do it. Annnyways, that’s enough of this one, don’t you thi-

—

Okay, so. The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. The other three parts will be posted over the next three days. So look forward to it!

1) Lyra: THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU TOOT! THE MORE YOU TOOT, THE BETTER YOU FEEL! BEANS, BEANS, FOR EVERY MEAL!

Bon-Bon: I thought you didn’t like beans.

Lyra: I don’t.

2) I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your mother. Sub work itself isn’t so bad, but low pay/few hours is definitely a downer.

I wish this was the first time I’d heard this story before. Seems to happen too often. School systems seem reluctant to hire somepony who’s highly qualified because they can just hire somepony else for cheaper. And I’ve seen positions never get filled at all, and the school just take a sub for the position everyday for the entire school year. It’s criminal, or should be.

3) If I may make one point: when you bring up child pornography with me, remember who I am and where I came from. That’s not child pornography. That’s a drawing. A drawing never held somepony down and caused irreversible harm, nor was it made during such a horrid event.

But this has reminded me that I’d grown tired of that tumblr a while ago. It just wasn’t what I thought it’d be.

4) Yes! But it might be confusing. Boscov is Krastos. I just stopped calling him Boscov a while ago. Sort of grew out of it.

5) I had to look it up, but yes I’ve seen a few things about it on tumblr. However, I still don’t know anything about it. Just what some of the characters look like.

Bon-Bon: What? He’s coming here?! Lyra! The house is a mess! Why didn’t you tell me?!

Lyra: Bon-Bon, he’s a mechanic. I’m sure he’s seen a worse mess than this.

Bon-Bon: What? Lyra, we need to clean up!

Lyra: But I hate vacuuming…

Bon-Bon: GET UP FROM THERE!

Lyra: Ug~h…

1) Lyra: I have a bunch of questions, but I wanted to get to this one now. I’m very sorry to hear that. You’ve been a delight to talk to and I wish there was something I could do to help.

Bon-Bon: I certainly hope you at least find someplace safe to say, if you are forced out. I’d hate for something to happen to you.

Lyra: I’m glad we could help ease your mind somehow. We both hope the best for you.

2) Was it last week or the week before? It wasn’t for very long. He insists he has time when I come over, but I know better. I can’t tell if I’m imagining it or not, but he looks more tired than before he started on his doctorate.

3) You’re fine, but why would you wear an eyepatch?

B: It’s been almost two months. You mean you’ve already been hired? That was fast for a government position.

But that’s great, Strawberry! Congratulations!

4) Lyra: Absolutely!

Bon-Bon: Of course! Can’t wait!

Lyra: Wait… the weekend is tomorrow… oops.

Bon-Bon: Plenty of notice, I’m sure.

1) The posts have been pretty much all over the place, but I assume you mean the human thing. What about it?

2) I don’t know what that is, so… maybe it already does?

3) Bon-Bon: Well, I don’t typically sell perishable produce; doesn’t keep for long enough. At the same time, I don’t know of anypony that grows strawberries and sells them with chocolate. Like I’ve said though, I can do special orders upon request. So you’d just come on down to Sweetie Drops ahead of time, and I’d make it happen. High quality and for cheaper than you’d suspect!

4) I hear that. I’m still paying off the the last two visits I had when my leg was petrified and then later broke.

I feel tired a lot right now, but that’s mostly because I don’t really have anything to do. Once school starts back up next week I’m hoping to change that. Still hoping I can get on permanent as an aid.

1) Not trying to be disrespectful if this is legit, but I’ve got a virus from a website before and it’s not fun. This seems sort of spammy so I need some evidence that I’m not going to regret going there.

2) Yeah, but medical bills can be killer. But if you can afford it I’d go. Could be something simple, but threatening as Anemia caused by dietary iron deficiency. I had that for a little while when I was younger. Felt tired and sick all the time.

3) There were plenty of games that were playable, just not a whole lot that were memorable or didn’t have superior sequels that negated their predecessors.

I do miss the minimal load times of cartage games from that era, though. Start game. Pick mode. Pick character. Start race. No load screen. No awkward pause. Nothing. Even freakin’ New Leaf has load screens.

And it’s cool. Ya just doesn’t has to call me Johnson.

4) Bon-Bon: Yeah… A shame. I mean, what mare wouldn’t want to be called Drops. Or Doctor Oops. But you can call me Bonnie, if you’d like.

Bon-Bon: And sure, I have some regular suppliers. I don’t grow anything myself, if that’s what you were asking. But I also might shop around on occasion. You know, make sure I’m not being gouged. You’d be surprised how little years of loyalty means until a supplier loses a big customer. Then it’s all, “I’m sure we can work something out.”

1) Bon-Bon: My, but you are a sweet talker, aren’t you?

Lyra: It’s too late for Everypony Loves Lyra. I would never agree to something like that unless Peter Boyle could be in it. Peace be with him.

Bon-Bon: What about Morgan Freeman? I thought you liked him.

Lyra: Bon-Bon, please. I’m trying to be realistic in my casting.

2) Having a creature of divine power in charge certainly gives you something to answer to.

3) “Wrong”, I guess.

4) For an expired prize? I don’t think you can “sentence” me.

5) I made an attempt; really I did. But all I could find were things referencing this. I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean, where it came from, or why it’s a thing.

1) Lyra: I don’t know about all that, but I use heavily salted water to help treat these mouth ulcers I get every so often. One or two times and it’ll clear up in only a couple of days. Can last a week or more if I do nothing. Only seem to get them if I eat too much salt. Like too many packs of Ritz crackers.

Bon-Bon: I suppose I’m pretty healthy. More importantly, I rarely get sick. Sorry about your headaches, though.

Lyra: I don’t get sick that often, but working with foals it’s sort of hard to resist. You’d be surprised what parents will send their kids in with. You’d have to have the immune system of a machine to not catch anything.

2) Lyra: The games. I can adapt pretty well to any controller, but if there isn’t anything memorable to play there’s no point.

Bon-Bon: I like this one. Everypony loves Lyra, but no pony ever seems to notice poor ol’ Bon-Bon.

3) Now that sounds more like it. And proper explanations are a must. When armed with appropriate knowledge and support, the only “weapon” the opposition have is being too lazy to change. And ponies like that aren’t worth wasting the time.

4) Friendship is built, not requested. We could potentially be friends, but it takes time, communication; things like that.

1) Lyra: I personally just forget that I’m chewing it. That’s why I don’t chew gum very often.

Bon-Bon: Salt water is bad for you. That’s why you’re not supposed to drink it. Salt Water Taffy is made using both salt and water, but not salt water.

2) Bon-Bon: “Haughty fat lady?!” Well I never! You’re clearly just jealous of my incredible vocal ra~nge!

Lyra: What’s haughty mean?

Bon-Bon: I don’t know, but it sounded like an insult.

3) Bon-Bon: Hate? Parish the thought!

Lyra: To be honest, I didn’t care for her at first. But she’s super nice and funny! Witty too! We’ve been friends for close to two years now. She recently came back to tumblr, too!

4) Yeah… Awesome… Except that I don’t know a whole lot of unmarried teachers that don’t take jobs over the summer just to make ends meet. I fully expected to be subbing this summer, but I never got a call. Really need to start working right away once school starts back up. Hoping for that full-time job.

1) I’m glad you like it!

2) Lyra: Pastel you say… Hmm… Maybe ponies did come first and they’re supposed to represent pony eggs…

Bon-Bon: Lyra, ponies don’t lay eggs.

Lyra: Not yet they don’t.

3) I would assume he was strict and solitary, considering he evidently knew about friendship magic but couldn’t ever get it to work. But your way is pretty awesome! I’d hang around a kookie little gnome.

4 & 5) I’m glad you both think so! The game’s perspective shifting was based on Final Fantasy 6, since I’ve never played Live-a-Live. Whole game took place on a physical representation of an internet forum. Less Tron (though there are elements of that) and more real world (later in the timeline things start to go World of Ruin as the code gets messed up).

And now that I think about it, I think I posted the screenplay… or maybe it was a different thing I wrote…

Either way I must have not tagged it very well. I can’t find it.

Bon-Bon: Goodness gracious! I’m good, but I’m only a pony!

Lyra: Hilariously enough, judging by past experiences, I don’t think B-Cov would mind a bag of spiders in his bed.

Bon-Bon: But if Spike fell down a well, who would tell Twilight?

Lyra: What…?

Bon-Bon: You know, ‘cause of the movie. The one with the high school, and Spike is a-

Lyra: Oh Cels [omitted], Bon-Bon!

Bon-Bon: Oh-ho, did I strike a nerve? So this is what it feels like to make somepony storm off in rage and disgust. Hmhm… I should try it more often.

1) Lyra: I’m… not sure what… Could you elaborate?

Bon-Bon: Wait up. Was that when she dumped a wagon full of garbage on my head?

Lyra: I-ah… Wouldn’t presume to know-Next question!

2) Lyra: You lost me. What else would you call Europe other than Europe?

Bon-Bon: Did you know it took me 4 days to get the smell out of my mane? I guarantee you I lost business over that.

Lyra: Let it go.

3) Lyra: I’d still say you’re looking for hugs for the wrong reason, but close enough. Apology accepted, right Bon-Bon?

Bon-Bon: I mean, it was just a motivational speaker! You listen to a few things his says, “Yeah, sure, alright. Be more assertive. Whatever.” Who actually follows through with all that crap?!

Lyra: Bon-Bon!

4) Lyra: Well, there are a ton of different branches of the guard. Some of them are just personal bodyguards. But you do whatever. Let your creativity flow!

Bon-Bon: And to think I wanted her autograph once! After the way she treated-!

Lyra: Bon-Bon! For the love of Celestia shut up about it!

1) Hey! I remember this tumblr! You were looking for somepony, or something.

I like that idea! Not sure how well the two mesh but I feel like there’s a lot of energy going on! As for the meat tree, I’d go with something sillier personally. Like milk that’s been genetically altered to have the same nutrients that meat has, and call it Meaty Milk! And in stores it’s always sold in these baby formula bottles. Very silly. Also very punk rock/counterculture.

2) Bon-Bon: What kind of hidden gags?

Lyra: Like those things during or after the credits.

Bon-Bon: You mean a stinger?

Lyra: Bad example. Like a Transformer toy in the background of a scifi movie about giant robots.

Bon-Bon: That’s funny? Sounds like a nod-to-the-fans.

Lyra: Ugh. You asked it anon; help me out here.

3) You know, when I saw this message I was going to argue it, but to do so I was going to bring up the exact pony the article’s about! He’s great! I love his music! I’ve even linked to a few of his tracks before! I love his Flamenco track!

And having read the article and now seen a few episodes of Gravity Falls, I’m upset by the decision against the artist. Though to be honest, not terribly surprised. He only did the intro song better than the original! That show would be so much more popular, and be worth more money, if Disney didn’t smother it ever chance they got.

4) Why yes, I believe I would. One of my favorite factions in City of Heroes were the Freakshow. And they weren’t the “pretty” cyberpunk you see in Deus Ex or even Shadowrun either.