Bon-Bon: Wake up. Time to take your medicine.

Lyra: U~gh…

Bon-Bon: Here. Sit up.

Lyra: … Ugh… I hate the world.

Bon-Bon: I’m getting too old for this, L-

Lyra: [Coughing] Ack!

Bon-Bon: Oh lord-

Lyra: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Puh! Uh… Sing me a song.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, act your age.

Lyra: It’ll make me feel better.

Bon-Bon: Who’s a silly pony-?

Lyra: No!

Bon-Bon: Shoo-be-do!

Lyra: Ugh!

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~!

Lyra: What is friendship all about?

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~!

Lyra: Friendship is magic.

Bon-Bon: My little pony~!

Lyra: I used to wonder what friendship could be.

Bon-Bon: My little pony~!

Lyra: Until you all shared it’s magic with me.

Bon-Bon: Big adventu~re, tons of fun!

Lyra: A beautiful heart; faithful and strong.

Bon-Bon: Sharing, kindness; it’s an easy fea~t!

Lyra: And magic makes it all complete.

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~. My little po-ny~.

Lyra: No sign of trouble in siiiiight.

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~.

Lyra: May all your days be bri~ght!

Bon-Bon: … Satisfied?

Lyra: My throat hurts.

Bon-Bon: Well, you probably shouldn’t have sang with me.

Lyra: Thanks, Bon-Bon.

Bon-Bon: Go back to sleep, Lyra.

1) None that I know of. But I wouldn’t really know how to look that up either.

2) Transgender is a strange concept in Equestria. We don’t really have gender assigned to objects, activities, or appearances. Somepony is visibly either a mare or a stallion, but that’s no indication of how they act or what they like.

3) Template? Making characters? Evidently I don’t know as much about fandoms as I thought.

4) Bon-Bon: R-rice? Why would I-?

Lyra: I’m sure in your travels rice consumption is common. But as a reminder in most pony cultures rice is something usually only eaten by those seeking to put on weight, usually because of sickness or for muscle builders.

Lyra: But no about the- Well, I mean I wouldn’t really know how to recognize what buffalo food even looks like. But I would assume I haven’t had any.

Lyra: Moving on. Oh. Last one.

Bon-Bon: I… I can’t think of any.

Fuselight: Yeah… I got nothing. Wait, what about- no, no… nevermind. It’s possible I’m sure but I’ve certainly never heard of anypony.

Lyra: How about if I answer that question with a question. If somepony was better at something than they were with their special talent, how would you measure it?

Fuselight: I don’t think you can. How does one measure how good they are at a talent? Outside of like, a competition or something. And that’s not exactly a solid thing either.

Lyra: Yeah, yeah. Like, if somepony’s special talent is making pizza, but they’re also good at swimming, how would you say they’re- Like, what way of measuring could you even do? It’s not like all talents are equal or anything.

Fuselight: And if you were really good at this other thing, like better than your special talent, then shouldn’t that be your special talent then?

Lyra: I think that adds a different dynamic to the question all together.

Fuselight: I don’t think this question is even answerable.

Lyra: I say no, just because the question doesn’t really work.

Bon-Bon: I’m completely lost.

Fuselight: Agreed. There’s certainly never been a record of a pony like that anyways.

Lyra: Okay, well, that’s it. I might break this up, actually. This turned out kinda long.

Fuselight: Well, this was certainly a, uhm… enlightening experience. And you do this every day?

Lyra: Just about. For over two years.

Fuselight: I bow to your question-answering prowess. All I do is tell stories, pretty much. Speaking of, did I tell you about this one cuckoo clock I- oh. Right. Recording. Not the time.

Lyra: Oh no, go ahead if you want. Not like I can’t cut it if I have to.

Fuselight: No no! I’ll tell you two after we’re done here. Don’t want to get some pointless drivel all over your Tumblr. One thing at a time.

Lyra: [Yawn] Well, whatever. Okay, that’s it. Good- uh… night?

Bon-Bon: Signing off?

Fuselight: Best wishes?

Lyra: Good enough.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here. Hope you enjoyed!

Lyra: Okay! Moving on! Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha… Ah…

Bon-Bon: Oh-! Lyra!

Lyra: [Laughing]!

Fuselight: Oh… oh dear. Is it like this all the time?

Lyra: Ha ha! Oh… Not really. You’re just lucky.

Lyra: Keeping in mind that any instance of the word… Well it’s going to be censored.

Bon-Bon: I’m not answering this.

Fuselight: Lucky. Sure. Not what I’d call it. But I’m with miss Bon-Bon on this one. I don’t know and I don’t think I ever want to!

Lyra: What a couple of wimps.

Bon-Bon: You picked this on purpose!

Lyra: I did not! It was the four most recent, unanswered questions!

Fuselight: …Where would a pony even learn something like that? And why?

Lyra: Alright. If that’s all you two got. I can tell you the griffon one is complete ponyfeathers. I don’t know about the dragon one, but it sounds like garbage.

Bon-Bon: Thanks for sharing.

Fuselight: Guess I learned something today. Albeit something I could do without.

Lyra: Alright, this wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the last part will be posted tomorrow. So look forward to it!

Lyra: Okay, so next one! Not nearly as dark.

Lyra: So yeah. How about that? Only two years too late for me to ever be famous, but still.

Fuselight: Better late than never, as they say.

Bon-Bon: I don’t… [laugh] really care.

Fuselight: Tumblr seems to be much more excited about the idea than you or I would be, it seems. It’s neat, I guess, but that’s about it.

Lyra: Alright, so [omitted] you both then.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Right. Trying not to… Swear. Sorry.

Fuselight: [chuckles] Woah ho there! I didn’t see that coming!

Lyra: We’re all adu-

Fuselight: So much for foal-friendly, eh?

Lyra: Ah yeah. Ha, sorry.

Fuselight: Oh well. Slip of the tongue! Happens to the best of us.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the other two parts will be posted over the next two days. So look forward to it!

1) There have been efforts recently to negotiate with the current griffon ruler, but for now completely. Only griffons that have entered Equestria in the past with no serious criminal record are free to come and go.

2) The lonely night seems to do that to some ponies. Tomorrow is a brighter day!

3) Lyra: Hey! It’s not my fault the vacuum suddenly didn’t want to start!

Bon-Bon: But it is my fault the vacuum suddenly did want to start. And whatever you did, it better not happen again!

Lyra: … Hate that stupid vacuum…

4) What’s Labor Day?

Why would they study your eye?

5) The trend seems to be toward Kindergarten and the Sped department in primary schools. I do get to sit in on music classes sometimes, but I’m not really supposed to do anything unless there’s a problem.

There was this one time where I got to play a tambourine and the music teacher was pleased.

Lyra: Hello! Today on AskLyra we have a special guest: Fuselight!

…

Lyra: Say something.

Fuselight: Oh, it’s going already? Uhm, something! Hello, miss Lyra’s Tumblr!

Lyra: Pay attention, dude. Okay so we’re- Well, usually when I answer questions I cut it up. Like, this is an answer. Okay we’re done. Start the recording the next one. Sometimes there’s multiple takes. Sometimes I’ll, like, write an entire script and I’m basically just reading off of it. But uh… [nervous laughter] We’re-we’re just going to try recording this all in one uh… uh… thing. One take, yeah. So here we go!

Bon-Bon: Wow, couldn’t have picked a better one to start?

Fuselight: Oh dear, they get right into it, don’t they?

Lyra: This is my world. Tumblr world.

Fuselight: Well this is what I’m here for. Okay, well you start miss Lyra. I’ll go after you.

Lyra: Well, I’d say that wouldn’t be a typical reaction. If such an event occured, despite what any movie might depict, that’s just not how a normal pony’s brain reacts.

Fuselight: I think it depends on the pony’s mentality beforehand. I mean, you and I haven’t had the best childhoods, but we’re not insane killers.

Bon-Bon: Yeah, it just doesn’t make sense to me. You’d have to already be suffering some some mental disorder. I mean, right?

Lyra: I would think so.

Fuselight: Maybe not a disorder, but a pony needs to be seriously unstable first to become such a thing. One event wouldn’t do it. Annnyways, that’s enough of this one, don’t you thi-

—

Okay, so. The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. The other three parts will be posted over the next three days. So look forward to it!

1) Lyra: THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU TOOT! THE MORE YOU TOOT, THE BETTER YOU FEEL! BEANS, BEANS, FOR EVERY MEAL!

Bon-Bon: I thought you didn’t like beans.

Lyra: I don’t.

2) I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your mother. Sub work itself isn’t so bad, but low pay/few hours is definitely a downer.

I wish this was the first time I’d heard this story before. Seems to happen too often. School systems seem reluctant to hire somepony who’s highly qualified because they can just hire somepony else for cheaper. And I’ve seen positions never get filled at all, and the school just take a sub for the position everyday for the entire school year. It’s criminal, or should be.

3) If I may make one point: when you bring up child pornography with me, remember who I am and where I came from. That’s not child pornography. That’s a drawing. A drawing never held somepony down and caused irreversible harm, nor was it made during such a horrid event.

But this has reminded me that I’d grown tired of that tumblr a while ago. It just wasn’t what I thought it’d be.

4) Yes! But it might be confusing. Boscov is Krastos. I just stopped calling him Boscov a while ago. Sort of grew out of it.

5) I had to look it up, but yes I’ve seen a few things about it on tumblr. However, I still don’t know anything about it. Just what some of the characters look like.

Bon-Bon: What? He’s coming here?! Lyra! The house is a mess! Why didn’t you tell me?!

Lyra: Bon-Bon, he’s a mechanic. I’m sure he’s seen a worse mess than this.

Bon-Bon: What? Lyra, we need to clean up!

Lyra: But I hate vacuuming…

Bon-Bon: GET UP FROM THERE!

Lyra: Ug~h…

1) Lyra: I have a bunch of questions, but I wanted to get to this one now. I’m very sorry to hear that. You’ve been a delight to talk to and I wish there was something I could do to help.

Bon-Bon: I certainly hope you at least find someplace safe to say, if you are forced out. I’d hate for something to happen to you.

Lyra: I’m glad we could help ease your mind somehow. We both hope the best for you.

2) Was it last week or the week before? It wasn’t for very long. He insists he has time when I come over, but I know better. I can’t tell if I’m imagining it or not, but he looks more tired than before he started on his doctorate.

3) You’re fine, but why would you wear an eyepatch?

B: It’s been almost two months. You mean you’ve already been hired? That was fast for a government position.

But that’s great, Strawberry! Congratulations!

4) Lyra: Absolutely!

Bon-Bon: Of course! Can’t wait!

Lyra: Wait… the weekend is tomorrow… oops.

Bon-Bon: Plenty of notice, I’m sure.

1) The posts have been pretty much all over the place, but I assume you mean the human thing. What about it?

2) I don’t know what that is, so… maybe it already does?

3) Bon-Bon: Well, I don’t typically sell perishable produce; doesn’t keep for long enough. At the same time, I don’t know of anypony that grows strawberries and sells them with chocolate. Like I’ve said though, I can do special orders upon request. So you’d just come on down to Sweetie Drops ahead of time, and I’d make it happen. High quality and for cheaper than you’d suspect!

4) I hear that. I’m still paying off the the last two visits I had when my leg was petrified and then later broke.

I feel tired a lot right now, but that’s mostly because I don’t really have anything to do. Once school starts back up next week I’m hoping to change that. Still hoping I can get on permanent as an aid.

1) Not trying to be disrespectful if this is legit, but I’ve got a virus from a website before and it’s not fun. This seems sort of spammy so I need some evidence that I’m not going to regret going there.

2) Yeah, but medical bills can be killer. But if you can afford it I’d go. Could be something simple, but threatening as Anemia caused by dietary iron deficiency. I had that for a little while when I was younger. Felt tired and sick all the time.

3) There were plenty of games that were playable, just not a whole lot that were memorable or didn’t have superior sequels that negated their predecessors.

I do miss the minimal load times of cartage games from that era, though. Start game. Pick mode. Pick character. Start race. No load screen. No awkward pause. Nothing. Even freakin’ New Leaf has load screens.

And it’s cool. Ya just doesn’t has to call me Johnson.

4) Bon-Bon: Yeah… A shame. I mean, what mare wouldn’t want to be called Drops. Or Doctor Oops. But you can call me Bonnie, if you’d like.

Bon-Bon: And sure, I have some regular suppliers. I don’t grow anything myself, if that’s what you were asking. But I also might shop around on occasion. You know, make sure I’m not being gouged. You’d be surprised how little years of loyalty means until a supplier loses a big customer. Then it’s all, “I’m sure we can work something out.”

1) Bon-Bon: My, but you are a sweet talker, aren’t you?

Lyra: It’s too late for Everypony Loves Lyra. I would never agree to something like that unless Peter Boyle could be in it. Peace be with him.

Bon-Bon: What about Morgan Freeman? I thought you liked him.

Lyra: Bon-Bon, please. I’m trying to be realistic in my casting.

2) Having a creature of divine power in charge certainly gives you something to answer to.

3) “Wrong”, I guess.

4) For an expired prize? I don’t think you can “sentence” me.

5) I made an attempt; really I did. But all I could find were things referencing this. I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean, where it came from, or why it’s a thing.

1) Lyra: I don’t know about all that, but I use heavily salted water to help treat these mouth ulcers I get every so often. One or two times and it’ll clear up in only a couple of days. Can last a week or more if I do nothing. Only seem to get them if I eat too much salt. Like too many packs of Ritz crackers.

Bon-Bon: I suppose I’m pretty healthy. More importantly, I rarely get sick. Sorry about your headaches, though.

Lyra: I don’t get sick that often, but working with foals it’s sort of hard to resist. You’d be surprised what parents will send their kids in with. You’d have to have the immune system of a machine to not catch anything.

2) Lyra: The games. I can adapt pretty well to any controller, but if there isn’t anything memorable to play there’s no point.

Bon-Bon: I like this one. Everypony loves Lyra, but no pony ever seems to notice poor ol’ Bon-Bon.

3) Now that sounds more like it. And proper explanations are a must. When armed with appropriate knowledge and support, the only “weapon” the opposition have is being too lazy to change. And ponies like that aren’t worth wasting the time.

4) Friendship is built, not requested. We could potentially be friends, but it takes time, communication; things like that.

1) Lyra: I personally just forget that I’m chewing it. That’s why I don’t chew gum very often.

Bon-Bon: Salt water is bad for you. That’s why you’re not supposed to drink it. Salt Water Taffy is made using both salt and water, but not salt water.

2) Bon-Bon: “Haughty fat lady?!” Well I never! You’re clearly just jealous of my incredible vocal ra~nge!

Lyra: What’s haughty mean?

Bon-Bon: I don’t know, but it sounded like an insult.

3) Bon-Bon: Hate? Parish the thought!

Lyra: To be honest, I didn’t care for her at first. But she’s super nice and funny! Witty too! We’ve been friends for close to two years now. She recently came back to tumblr, too!

4) Yeah… Awesome… Except that I don’t know a whole lot of unmarried teachers that don’t take jobs over the summer just to make ends meet. I fully expected to be subbing this summer, but I never got a call. Really need to start working right away once school starts back up. Hoping for that full-time job.