Bon-Bon: Okay, so adequately explaining the mood we were walking into during the wedding requires some context. So-

Tootsie: Is this the pirate story?!

Bon-Bon: Yes, this is the pirate story.

Tootsie: I love the pirate story!

Bon-Bon: I know. I know. Okay, so. Well over a thousand years ago there lived two orphan siblings- a brother and a sister.

Keep reading

1) Lyra: …

Bon-Bon: Hey, you forgave me for that. You can’t go back and blame me again; that’s double jeopardy.

Lyra: None of your business.

2) Bon-Bon: Oh gosh. I’ve been so busy… And at this point the story is hardly worth the wait. Plus it would require some context… Let me see what I can do.

3) Bon-Bon: Ugh…

4) Tootsie: I’m gonna be a forest princess! Mom got me my own bow!

Bon-Bon: Nothing this year. I’m going to be working through Nightmare Night. Have to make up for lost time somewhere.

Lyra: I kinda want to go as, like, an animal.

5) Bon-Bon: I wouldn’t go that far. Ribbon is going to want to pick out who teaches her, when, where, with who, etc. Control control control.

1) It’s pretty disappointing. But Mii Lyra is a brawler, of course. And the only problem I’ve been having is how the 3DS’s button configuration doesn’t transfer from the old GC controls very well.

2) Lyra: Eh…

Bon-Bon: Don’t listen to her. We all had a fabulous time! And Liza was very interested! And since archery is considered a noble martial art, it shouldn’t be hard to convince her parents to allow her to pursue that further.

3) No… I’m drawing a blank… I was thinking maybe a timberwolf…

2) Because I love Bubbie! She was the whole reason I started watching Flapjack! She’s, like, one of the best characters ever!

3) Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that there was anything wrong with that. It can be easier to process the world when everything is a little neater.

Just… you know, be careful about it. That sort of thing is how stereotyping is created. “You are this, so you look/act this way.”

4) Bon-Bon: I’ll make time. And as long as it’s after school hours, there’s no reason Liza can’t make it either. And if her work calls, Lyra is to say she can’t pick up any hours on that day. Isn’t that right, Lyra?

Lyra: Ugh…

5) Why would you need my help? I thought you already won. After all, there’s a skeleton in all of us.

6) Oh for pony’s sake… This is why conspiracy theory is synonymous with crazy.

1) I’d ask why humans feel such a strong need to classify and label things, like personal theologies, but I guess that’d only be proving your point, wouldn’t it?

2) At first I thought the Running of the Leaves happened while we were gone, but I’ve since been reminded that happens at the end of fall, not the start.

I’ve also been informed by Bon-Bon that I am participating this year. Yay.

3) As long as the stars align and everypony does exactly what they’re supposed to do, nothing bad will ever happen! But how many things have to go wrong for somepony to take an arrow to the bottom? I’m betting it’s a short list.

4) I have two days off next week! I’m not going to want to do anything on the first one, so how about next Tuesday?

5) Lyra: My theory is that she was trying to say she beefed, you know, farted.

Tootsie: Hey! How come you’re allowed to say fart?

Lyra: Because I’m over a decade older than you. Fart fart fart.

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Stop saying that word!

Lyra: Sorry!

Tootsie: Hehe.

6) Sorry for being sorry about both things I was sorry for.

1) Liza goes home on the weekends. She’s not going to be able to go if it’s that late or on a weekend.

Also, “It’ll be fun!” brings us back to the amusement park argument.

2) I did not. Though to be honest, I actually can’t remember what I used for most of the game. I know I wore heavy armor and used a shield, and I know I switched weapons a lot on my second run.

Edit: Oh! I remember now! It was Estoc from the New Londo Ruins!

I wish I had a Wii U… Not that I’ve ever cared so much about the Zelda franchise, but I want to play as Ruto and Midna!

3) Well, that would be presumptuous. In theory, they could beat me up.

4) Let me tell you something, Bbz. That’s a terrible [omitted] habit. You need to break that [omitted] with the quickness.

5) Bbz, I went on a date with York once. Of course I knew about his prosthetic tail. It’s not something I’d just bring up though- that’s rude.

6) Lyra: You didn’t nearly have an ice cloud come crashing down on your head.

Bon-Bon: I’m assuming the arrows at this range are normal.

Lyra: You know what happens when you assume.

1) I’m still not understanding how I was supposed to tell him this and it not seem like I’m being told to tell somepony something. I mean, I’d like to think I’m pretty good at lying, but I’d need a better prompt than this.

2) I’m sorry?

3) Does she look angry? Also, “Perfect landing!”

4) Hearth’s Warming decorations out before Nightmare Night has passed? What a horrifying world you suffer through.

5) Lyra: That sounds kind of dangerous. And a lot like work.

Tootsie: My name is Lisa!

Bon-Bon: Actually… that does sound like fun! Maybe you could try working it around my schedule? There’s got to be a time where we’re all free.

Lyra: I don’t wanna go.

Bon-Bon: Exercise, filly! You still need it!

1) Peaceful land with kind inhabitants? Do you mean the hallows, the harpies, the body-horror phalanx, or the undead dragon?

I needed to beat her to make the scythe.

2) Aren’t you comparing a sizable coastal country, centralized in the European trade route, with a tiny, mountainous, landlocked country?

Golly doop it, Harry Lime, what are you on?

3) I’ve known about it for a bit. But since I can’t play it I haven’t looked into it much. Maybe it’ll get ported to Steam like Deadly Premonition was.

4) Oh… Sorry. That’s no fun. No incoming patch to stabilize it?

5) How about it has both because it has two heads? Is that creepy enough yet? Are we done here?

6) Bon-Bon: Sorry. I’ve been really busy since we got back. I had no idea I’d have more business this year than last year! I wasn’t prepared for this!

1) Why does it go on for three minutes?

2) That’s quite the position! Congratulations, sturmtruppen!

3) …

Bon-Bon: It’s gonna be alright, Lyra.

Lyra: … [Sniff] I already miss him… I hadn’t seen him in forever and I already miss him…

1) The one I hear about is preservatives and sodas causing puberty to occur earlier and earlier in foals.

Pfft. Who has time for a doctor?

2) Tootsie: I hung out with Sweetie Bell while she was staying here. She’s nice! She and her friends are okay, sometimes. They mostly just play with each other, though, which means they exclude everypony else. “Official Crusader business.”

At least they never act mean like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

3) Paul, what’s going on? Is it old men running the world again? (Warning: Crude language)

4) Lyra: Wha’ if yer in a horry to eat an’ you nee’ to say sumfin’?

Bon-Bon: Lyra! You know better than that!

Lyra: Wha’? I’m a gweat rolemadel!

5) Yeah, that was one of the several things I considered saying. Another was-

1) Lyra: Well, I could bring a bag of marshmallows.

Bon-Bon: How would that help?

Lyra: Help what?

2) I was an orphan and spent most of my time on the streets of lower Canterlot. You kinda just eat what’s available.

3) Lyra: Oh! I like sweet tea!

Bon-Bon: That’s full of sugar!

Lyra: I know! It’s great!

4) Mare, you probably load that crap up with creamer. Get that outta here.

On the other hoof, I know a pony you might enjoy a chat with.

5) Lyra: I can’t hear you because your mouth is fULL OF PUMPKINS! PUMPKIN EATER!

Tootsie: Cheater cheater, pumpkin eater!

1) There were about a hundred different ways I could have replied to this. But, while trying to decide which one, I realized that… you’re sort of right? Which is more than a little depressing.

2) Bon-Bon: No! No coffee! Water!

3) Bon-Bon: No! No excuses! No massages! Water!

Lyra: What about hugs and candy?

Bon-Bon: We’ll talk.

4) It happened once about a week ago, but other than that I hadn’t had a cramp like that since I was little. I was kind of malnourished back then.

But no, it was just in my leg.

1) Answering asks. Also listening to a song.

2) You definitely would be.

3) That’s cheating! You’ve been cheating for years! Dirty little lawbreaker! Dirty little lawbreaker!

4) I don’t know what you’re talking about. That wasn’t in reference to a Sega game that actually had some interesting concepts but was poorly executed on all fronts.

5) Lyra: In all seriousness, developers aren’t perfect. Sometimes there isn’t an effective counter, or if there is it’s too specialized. Going back to Pokemon, that was the whole reason for the massive changes from Gen 1 to Gen 2. Psychic was broken as all get-out and there was no effective counter.

Lyra: But yeah! Hug a dragon! Hug a swearing dragon!

Bon-Bon: Not lately. Maybe you should remind me.

6) Interesting song. More popular song, but not as interesting.

7) Well, it was quite some time ago.

8) I know what you were referencing, I’m just not sure why given the context.

9) Thanks! It was a tough pose but I pulled it off!

Bon-Bon: I warned you about this. I’ve been warning you about this for years, but especially here lately.

Lyra: Just shut up and help me into bed!

Bon-Bon: Too much soda. Too much wine. Too much salt. And here lately way too much soda. You need water, Lyra!

Lyra: It hurts so much. I haven’t had a cramp like this since I was a foal.

Bon-Bon: Probably for the same reason then as now. If you need to drink a soda at work to stay awake, with your haywire schedule, I understand. But you have to cut back somewhere!

Lyra: I know. Just… help me into bed. I need to rest. I really don’t want to have to cancel work tomorrow.

Eh. I’ve heard worse.

2) I love lasagna! You’re pretty cool too, though.

3) Haha-! You’ll pay for your own drink or use a water fountain.

I know. But I guess I should look more into it. I mean, I can’t look like but so much of a dork playing Warframe. I’m pretty good at that one (mostly because it’s not hard).

4) I don’t like horror games, but it seems… like something. Like the kind of thing that you can’t take seriously, but would still probably scare the pee out of you.

We don’t have animatronics, so…

5) Lyra: Strawberry, do you come over to see me or the help?

Bon-Bon: Hey!

Tootsie: Hey! … I don’t get it.