1) I’m still not understanding how I was supposed to tell him this and it not seem like I’m being told to tell somepony something. I mean, I’d like to think I’m pretty good at lying, but I’d need a better prompt than this.

2) I’m sorry?

3) Does she look angry? Also, “Perfect landing!”

4) Hearth’s Warming decorations out before Nightmare Night has passed? What a horrifying world you suffer through.

5) Lyra: That sounds kind of dangerous. And a lot like work.

Tootsie: My name is Lisa!

Bon-Bon: Actually… that does sound like fun! Maybe you could try working it around my schedule? There’s got to be a time where we’re all free.

Lyra: I don’t wanna go.

Bon-Bon: Exercise, filly! You still need it!

1) Peaceful land with kind inhabitants? Do you mean the hallows, the harpies, the body-horror phalanx, or the undead dragon?

I needed to beat her to make the scythe.

2) Aren’t you comparing a sizable coastal country, centralized in the European trade route, with a tiny, mountainous, landlocked country?

Golly doop it, Harry Lime, what are you on?

3) I’ve known about it for a bit. But since I can’t play it I haven’t looked into it much. Maybe it’ll get ported to Steam like Deadly Premonition was.

4) Oh… Sorry. That’s no fun. No incoming patch to stabilize it?

5) How about it has both because it has two heads? Is that creepy enough yet? Are we done here?

6) Bon-Bon: Sorry. I’ve been really busy since we got back. I had no idea I’d have more business this year than last year! I wasn’t prepared for this!

1) Why does it go on for three minutes?

2) That’s quite the position! Congratulations, sturmtruppen!

3) …

Bon-Bon: It’s gonna be alright, Lyra.

Lyra: … [Sniff] I already miss him… I hadn’t seen him in forever and I already miss him…

1) The one I hear about is preservatives and sodas causing puberty to occur earlier and earlier in foals.

Pfft. Who has time for a doctor?

2) Tootsie: I hung out with Sweetie Bell while she was staying here. She’s nice! She and her friends are okay, sometimes. They mostly just play with each other, though, which means they exclude everypony else. “Official Crusader business.”

At least they never act mean like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

3) Paul, what’s going on? Is it old men running the world again? (Warning: Crude language)

4) Lyra: Wha’ if yer in a horry to eat an’ you nee’ to say sumfin’?

Bon-Bon: Lyra! You know better than that!

Lyra: Wha’? I’m a gweat rolemadel!

5) Yeah, that was one of the several things I considered saying. Another was-

1) Lyra: Well, I could bring a bag of marshmallows.

Bon-Bon: How would that help?

Lyra: Help what?

2) I was an orphan and spent most of my time on the streets of lower Canterlot. You kinda just eat what’s available.

3) Lyra: Oh! I like sweet tea!

Bon-Bon: That’s full of sugar!

Lyra: I know! It’s great!

4) Mare, you probably load that crap up with creamer. Get that outta here.

On the other hoof, I know a pony you might enjoy a chat with.

5) Lyra: I can’t hear you because your mouth is fULL OF PUMPKINS! PUMPKIN EATER!

Tootsie: Cheater cheater, pumpkin eater!

1) There were about a hundred different ways I could have replied to this. But, while trying to decide which one, I realized that… you’re sort of right? Which is more than a little depressing.

2) Bon-Bon: No! No coffee! Water!

3) Bon-Bon: No! No excuses! No massages! Water!

Lyra: What about hugs and candy?

Bon-Bon: We’ll talk.

4) It happened once about a week ago, but other than that I hadn’t had a cramp like that since I was little. I was kind of malnourished back then.

But no, it was just in my leg.

1) Answering asks. Also listening to a song.

2) You definitely would be.

3) That’s cheating! You’ve been cheating for years! Dirty little lawbreaker! Dirty little lawbreaker!

4) I don’t know what you’re talking about. That wasn’t in reference to a Sega game that actually had some interesting concepts but was poorly executed on all fronts.

5) Lyra: In all seriousness, developers aren’t perfect. Sometimes there isn’t an effective counter, or if there is it’s too specialized. Going back to Pokemon, that was the whole reason for the massive changes from Gen 1 to Gen 2. Psychic was broken as all get-out and there was no effective counter.

Lyra: But yeah! Hug a dragon! Hug a swearing dragon!

Bon-Bon: Not lately. Maybe you should remind me.

6) Interesting song. More popular song, but not as interesting.

7) Well, it was quite some time ago.

8) I know what you were referencing, I’m just not sure why given the context.

9) Thanks! It was a tough pose but I pulled it off!

Bon-Bon: I warned you about this. I’ve been warning you about this for years, but especially here lately.

Lyra: Just shut up and help me into bed!

Bon-Bon: Too much soda. Too much wine. Too much salt. And here lately way too much soda. You need water, Lyra!

Lyra: It hurts so much. I haven’t had a cramp like this since I was a foal.

Bon-Bon: Probably for the same reason then as now. If you need to drink a soda at work to stay awake, with your haywire schedule, I understand. But you have to cut back somewhere!

Lyra: I know. Just… help me into bed. I need to rest. I really don’t want to have to cancel work tomorrow.

1) I’ve had to wait considerable amounts of time too, but never consistently.

Eh. I’ve heard worse.

2) I love lasagna! You’re pretty cool too, though.

3) Haha-! You’ll pay for your own drink or use a water fountain.

I know. But I guess I should look more into it. I mean, I can’t look like but so much of a dork playing Warframe. I’m pretty good at that one (mostly because it’s not hard).

4) I don’t like horror games, but it seems… like something. Like the kind of thing that you can’t take seriously, but would still probably scare the pee out of you.

We don’t have animatronics, so…

5) Lyra: Strawberry, do you come over to see me or the help?

Bon-Bon: Hey!

Tootsie: Hey! … I don’t get it.

I have a new avatar done by The Great and Benevolent Fuselight to go along with the new header he also made me!

Also, here’s a gif of Bon-Bon’s hair color inverting, my hair growing longer, and the couch turning into Tootsie.

Lyra: Well, we talked it over with her mother-

Bon-Bon: And with careful supervision-

Lyra: I’d like welcome the newest question answerer to AskLyra: Tootsie!

[Pause]

Lyra: I mean Liza!

Liza: Thank you! It’s an honor to officially join in!

Lyra: Looking at the screen though, you don’t think maybe I could just call you Tootsie on the computer, do you? Liza and Lyra look an awful-lot alike.

Tootsie?: Hmm… I’ll think about it.

1) Lyra: Well?

Bon-Bon: Eh.

Tootsie: PaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2) Me neither…

1) I’d have probably been more impressed if I hadn’t been with another player doing all that live.

Also, no. I mean, if you ever meet me in a relaxed, casual environment, you’ll quickly find that I talk a big game. But even I know better than to cross a dragon.

Finally, buy the Jester Gloves from Magerold in Iron Keep. And get the Nahr Alma Hood and Robe by killing Titchy Gren in Undead Purgatory. There’s more than one way to get the trousers.

2) You know what I think? I think she’s jealous. I think she believes that, because I’m poor, I don’t deserve what I have.

3) … We just… sort of fell out of touch…

4) Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash would probably be pleased. Rarity and Rose would probably kill you.

5) Lyra: Bon-Bon says he’s some kind of executive in some kind of wine company.

Bon-Bon: Chief, Lyra. Chief Executive Officer.

Lyra: … I’m not-

Bon-Bon: He owns the corporation!

Ribbon: You can’t be serious! You’re going to risk Tootsie winding up like… like that?!

Lyra: For the record, this is why I hate you.

Champagne: Ribbon, you love me, don’t you?

Ribbon: Ugh. Yes, but-

Champagne: Would you love me as much if our marriage had been prearranged?

Ribbon: … Uh-

Champagne: If we force Tootsie into this, she will hate it and resent us for the rest of her life. I’m confident that she will make the right decision. And that decision will be whatever she chooses. It is our place to guide her to a better future; not drag her kicking and screaming.

Ribbon: I… suppose so.

Lyra: How adult of you.

Ribbon: You are still to stay away from my daughter!

Champagne: Ah yes. Lyra. How is that bear friend of yours?

Lyra: We… actually haven’t spoken in a while…

Bon-Bon: You never told me that…

Champagne: Sorry to hear. When last we spoke I believe you were working in early education. I found that somewhat strange, considering how… crass your language can become. You must have considerable control over your lexicon.

Lyra: Well, yes. Of course.

Champagne: Be sure to exercise that control when in my daughter’s presence.

Ribbon: No!

Lyra: Sir, yessir!

Ribbon: I will not allow that wretched thing near my daughter!

Champagne: Bon-Bon, my apologies for the brevity of this visit. We should gather again soon. Perhaps during the holidays?

Bon-Bon: Certainly!

Ribbon: Are you listening to me?!

Champagne: We will take our leave for now. Well wishes.

Lyra: Have a good one!

Bon-Bon: Take care!

Ribbon: Are you ignoring me?!

Champagne: Of course not, my dear. Shall we talk about it on the way home?

[Door close]

Lyra: … Wait a minute. Wasn’t this supposed to be about Ribbon treating you better?

Bon-Bon: Let it go.

Bon-Bon: … Picking out the asks for today?

Lyra: Well, I was gonna, but somepony sent me a video. I should probably watch it first. It’s a video game, so…

Bon-Bon: Right. I’ll go get a snack or something.

Lyra: Hmm… Unarmed. Must be using that ring…

Bon-Bon: Oh Celestia, he’s here!

Lyra: What? Who’s-?

Bon-Bon: Tootsie’s father!

Lyra: What?! What do we-?

Bon-Bon: Hello! Champagne! Ribbon! It’s good to see you! Welcome! Ah…

Liza: D-dad?

Champagne: Bon-Bon, I would like to speak with my daughter alone.

Bon-Bon: Of course. Lyra, come on.

Lyra: But, he can’t- This is our-

Bon-Bon: And-he-could-buy-it. Move-your-hooves.

Champagne: Dear, that includes you.

Ribbon: W-What?

Champagne: I believe you’ve already had time to speak with Tootsie.

Ribbon: I-… Alright.

[Door closes]

Lyra: … By your own husband.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Ribbon: You are filth.

Lyra: Get out of the way.

Ribbon: What are you-? Are you eavesdropping with your phone?

Lyra: Voice recognition program. You don’t want to see what they’re saying?

Ribbon: … Scoot over.

Lyra: You lying, two-faced, disillusioned, irresponsible, ungrateful, overpriced piece of undisposable rubbish!

Ribbon: How dare you speak to me that way?! You’re-You’re nothing more than an utter waste upon civilized company!

Lyra: The most civilized company you’ve ever “embraced” was some dirty pony behind a Hoof and Hock!

Ribbon: Did you just-?!

Lyra: You bet I did!

Bon-Bon: Girls!

Ribbon: You rancid, disease-ridden vermin!

Bon-Bon: That’s enough! Ribbon, this is about you not appreciating the lengths I go through for you! And Lyra! What the heck?! I thought you were supposed to help!

Lyra: Sorry. I got carried away.

Ribbon: In a perfect world, you’d be carried away!

Lyra: What was that, you-?!

Bon-Bon: Stop it! Stop it! [Sigh] Ribbon, I’ve spent most of my life helping you. It wasn’t so long ago that you owed more money than you could afford to pay back. I know you haven’t forgotten what those days were like.

Ribbon: Of course not, Bonnie. You know I am forever grateful for your generosity. And I know it’s not just about the money, but the timing. That’s why I’ve been paying you to look after Tootsie.

Lyra: Instead of what? Expecting it to be done for free?

Ribbon: Instead of hiring a professional to work out of our home. Does she really need to be here for this?

Bon-Bon: Yes. And you shouldn’t need to hire anypony to help raise your own foal. At least not full time. She’s your responsibility. Lyra was right, you didn’t even know her age. That is not excusable.

Ribbon: I work. I study. And when I’m done I want some time to unwind. Champagne and I give Tootsie everything she could ever want. We’ve meticulously planned out every financial hurdle for her future. She will grow up to be twice as successful as I or you will ever be. I give her my all! Why should she need anything more?

Bon-Bon: Because your all is just money! She needs your time!

Ribbon: I don’t have time for time!

Lyra: Too busy sending innocent ponies to prison.

Ribbon: For your information, you uncouth peon, I am a Public Defender. I’m the one trying to keep poor ponies out of prison.

Lyra: So you’re defending criminals.

Ribbon: Insufferable! Depraved-!

Bon-Bon: Ribbon! Lyra, I swear to Celestia-!

Lyra: Alright! I’m sorry!

Bon-Bon: If you really feel that somepony should look after your child, then you need to be more appreciative. Not just throw money in my face.

Ribbon: I cared enough to go out of my way and search for somepony for you to spend your days with!

Lyra: That wasn’t for her! That was for you! You treat your own sister like an object to accessorize and boost your social standing!

Ribbon: That’s absurd!

Bon-Bon: But that’s exactly how I feel, Ribbon. You’re not helping me.

Ribbon: I’m trying to elevate you away from that… thing. She’s toxic! Even she knows it!

Bon-Bon: She’s my friend! She’s helped me more than you ever have! And she actually shows me she’s grateful!

Ribbon: I see. I’m sorry you feel that way, sister. However, this whole ordeal has proved to me just how toxic this environment is. I’m afraid Tootsie won’t be returning.

Lyra: Her name is Liza!

Ribbon: She is my daughter! I birthed her! I planned her future! And I will not hear of her referred to by such a… common name! Go fetch- Ugh, I’ll do it myself! Tootsie! Get your things we are leaving!

Liza: No!

Ribbon: Tootsie! H-how long have you-?

Liza: I listened to the whole thing! You’re not taking me away from my role model!

Ribbon: Role model? It’s you isn’t it?! You corrupted her with your ignorance! I told you to stay away from my-!

Liza: It’s Miss Cheerilee!

Ribbon: Who… Who is?

Bon-Bon: Her teacher.

Lyra: You’d know that if you were ever around.

Ribbon: Tootsie, my dear, don’t be ridiculous. What about your uncle?

Liza: I don’t want to grow flowers!

Ribbon: Bu-But your cutie mark! The flower farm! Your uncle is giving it to you when he retires! You’ll have your own flower named after you! You’ll be rich! A household name!

Liza: Miss Cheerilee says that cutie marks are open to interpretation. And that your job doesn’t have to match your cutie mark.

Ribbon: That’s preposterous!

Bon-Bon: Ribbon, your cutie mark is a bow! You’re an attorney!

Ribbon: Ah-… I… [Pause] We will discuss this at length with your father, when he has the time. For now I need you to-… [Pause] Very well. You may remain here for the moment. But don’t be surprised when your father comes around and drags you back home once he finds out. Tootsie, please behave. Bon-Bon, a good evening to you.

[Door close]

Lyra: That took a lot of guts, to stand up to your own mother.

Liza: [Sniff]

Bon-Bon: Oh, Liza. Come here. Shhh. She’ll come around.