In the softest voice there’s an acid tongue.

Illustrated by PhoenixSwift

Lyra: Moving on. Oh. Last one.

Bon-Bon: I… I can’t think of any.

Fuselight: Yeah… I got nothing. Wait, what about- no, no… nevermind. It’s possible I’m sure but I’ve certainly never heard of anypony.

Lyra: How about if I answer that question with a question. If somepony was better at something than they were with their special talent, how would you measure it?

Fuselight: I don’t think you can. How does one measure how good they are at a talent? Outside of like, a competition or something. And that’s not exactly a solid thing either.

Lyra: Yeah, yeah. Like, if somepony’s special talent is making pizza, but they’re also good at swimming, how would you say they’re- Like, what way of measuring could you even do? It’s not like all talents are equal or anything.

Fuselight: And if you were really good at this other thing, like better than your special talent, then shouldn’t that be your special talent then?

Lyra: I think that adds a different dynamic to the question all together.

Fuselight: I don’t think this question is even answerable.

Lyra: I say no, just because the question doesn’t really work.

Bon-Bon: I’m completely lost.

Fuselight: Agreed. There’s certainly never been a record of a pony like that anyways.

Lyra: Okay, well, that’s it. I might break this up, actually. This turned out kinda long.

Fuselight: Well, this was certainly a, uhm… enlightening experience. And you do this every day?

Lyra: Just about. For over two years.

Fuselight: I bow to your question-answering prowess. All I do is tell stories, pretty much. Speaking of, did I tell you about this one cuckoo clock I- oh. Right. Recording. Not the time.

Lyra: Oh no, go ahead if you want. Not like I can’t cut it if I have to.

Fuselight: No no! I’ll tell you two after we’re done here. Don’t want to get some pointless drivel all over your Tumblr. One thing at a time.

Lyra: [Yawn] Well, whatever. Okay, that’s it. Good- uh… night?

Bon-Bon: Signing off?

Fuselight: Best wishes?

Lyra: Good enough.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here. Hope you enjoyed!

Lyra: Okay! Moving on! Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha… Ah…

Bon-Bon: Oh-! Lyra!

Lyra: [Laughing]!

Fuselight: Oh… oh dear. Is it like this all the time?

Lyra: Ha ha! Oh… Not really. You’re just lucky.

Lyra: Keeping in mind that any instance of the word… Well it’s going to be censored.

Bon-Bon: I’m not answering this.

Fuselight: Lucky. Sure. Not what I’d call it. But I’m with miss Bon-Bon on this one. I don’t know and I don’t think I ever want to!

Lyra: What a couple of wimps.

Bon-Bon: You picked this on purpose!

Lyra: I did not! It was the four most recent, unanswered questions!

Fuselight: …Where would a pony even learn something like that? And why?

Lyra: Alright. If that’s all you two got. I can tell you the griffon one is complete ponyfeathers. I don’t know about the dragon one, but it sounds like garbage.

Bon-Bon: Thanks for sharing.

Fuselight: Guess I learned something today. Albeit something I could do without.

Lyra: Alright, this wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the last part will be posted tomorrow. So look forward to it!

Lyra: Okay, so next one! Not nearly as dark.

Lyra: So yeah. How about that? Only two years too late for me to ever be famous, but still.

Fuselight: Better late than never, as they say.

Bon-Bon: I don’t… [laugh] really care.

Fuselight: Tumblr seems to be much more excited about the idea than you or I would be, it seems. It’s neat, I guess, but that’s about it.

Lyra: Alright, so [omitted] you both then.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Right. Trying not to… Swear. Sorry.

Fuselight: [chuckles] Woah ho there! I didn’t see that coming!

Lyra: We’re all adu-

Fuselight: So much for foal-friendly, eh?

Lyra: Ah yeah. Ha, sorry.

Fuselight: Oh well. Slip of the tongue! Happens to the best of us.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the other two parts will be posted over the next two days. So look forward to it!

Lyra: Hello! Today on AskLyra we have a special guest: Fuselight!

…

Lyra: Say something.

Fuselight: Oh, it’s going already? Uhm, something! Hello, miss Lyra’s Tumblr!

Lyra: Pay attention, dude. Okay so we’re- Well, usually when I answer questions I cut it up. Like, this is an answer. Okay we’re done. Start the recording the next one. Sometimes there’s multiple takes. Sometimes I’ll, like, write an entire script and I’m basically just reading off of it. But uh… [nervous laughter] We’re-we’re just going to try recording this all in one uh… uh… thing. One take, yeah. So here we go!

Bon-Bon: Wow, couldn’t have picked a better one to start?

Fuselight: Oh dear, they get right into it, don’t they?

Lyra: This is my world. Tumblr world.

Fuselight: Well this is what I’m here for. Okay, well you start miss Lyra. I’ll go after you.

Lyra: Well, I’d say that wouldn’t be a typical reaction. If such an event occured, despite what any movie might depict, that’s just not how a normal pony’s brain reacts.

Fuselight: I think it depends on the pony’s mentality beforehand. I mean, you and I haven’t had the best childhoods, but we’re not insane killers.

Bon-Bon: Yeah, it just doesn’t make sense to me. You’d have to already be suffering some some mental disorder. I mean, right?

Lyra: I would think so.

Fuselight: Maybe not a disorder, but a pony needs to be seriously unstable first to become such a thing. One event wouldn’t do it. Annnyways, that’s enough of this one, don’t you thi-

—

Okay, so. The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. The other three parts will be posted over the next three days. So look forward to it!