Celestia?: … Lyra.

Lyra: That might be what my parents would have called me, but you named me yourself-!
Luna?: This is ridiculous.
Lyra: My real name is Liora! You can check the royal archives! Princess Celestia made my birth certificate herself!
Luna?: Captain, you have not only endangered Equestria you have wasted precious time. We must mobilize the guard immediately. Our nation is being threatened by a foul plot!

Octavia: That wouldn’t happen to be all the planet’s nations declaring war on us in tandem, would it?
Luna?: Ah… I…
Guard: Princesses Celestia and Luna, you are hereby placed under the custody of the Equestrian Guard. Please come with us to holding.

[Pause]

Luna?: Did you think…
Bedbug: Our queen wouldn’t have sent her best?!

[Deep echo]

Bon-Bon: The door!
Raindrops: It won’t move!

[High-pitched siren]

Octavia: Look out!
[Thunderous Boom]
Lyra: Aaah-!

Luna?: Hard to imagine.
Celestia?: The guard is already gathered. We’ll just…?
Luna?: Captain! What is the meaning of this? You were given explicit orders! You are placing all of Equestria in danger!

Guard: I’m sorry, Princess Luna. This group arrived from Ponyville and urgently-
Lyra: Princess Celestia. Once upon a time you discovered an unattended stroller and took in a baby. You could not take care of her yourself, just as you cannot take care of every child in Equestria, but you gave her a roof and saw that she was attended to. When the time came, you insured that she was given the education that all ponies deserve. In a perfect world, that pony would have grown up to be somepony important.

Lyra: But that didn’t happen. She fell into a darkness and let it drive her to do horrible things. Yet, you never gave up on her. I know it was rarely easy. I know how frustrating it must have been. But you were always there. You always gave her a chance to be more than she was. Sometimes the right words didn’t come out, but in your heart… she was never second. I… I just wanted to thank you… Thank you for saving me.

Celestia?: Of course, my little pony. You were never a burden to me.

Lyra: There’s one thing I need to know, though. Something I have to make sure of. Princess Celestia… What is my name?

Guard: As you can see ma’am, they won’t be causing you any more trouble.
Granny Smith?: Chained and muzzled? Now that’s what I like to see! Serves you harlots right! Attackin’ a poor old lady.
Guard: If you could just step this way, ma’am.
Granny Smith?: What?
Guard: We need to have you checked out by a physician and document any injuries for prosecution while they’re still fresh.
Granny Smith?: Well alright, but only so they can throw the book at you five harpies! I hope they make this quick. I need to get back to Sweet Apple Acres. Was just mindin’ my own business, shopping in the market, and the moment I round a corner- WAM! Clocked me like a tee-ball, they did. Is this going to take long? Well? Why did everypony stop?

Guard: Well you see, ma’am, when you walked through that magic disabling device it seems to have turned you into a changeling.

Hissy McFit: Oh… Could… Could I just go quietly and… non-violently? Thisss hasn’t been a great day for me…
Guard: I don’t see why not.
Hissy McFit: I really did get hit in the head. And then stuffed in a trunk. And that was just today. The other changelingsss in Ponyville were pretty mean too.
Guard: Why don’t you get your thoughts together and tell us all about it in a few minutes? [Pause] Send a detachment to Ponyville and arrest the Elements of Harmony. Lyra, you and your friends are cleared for the throne room. All of you, spread word around the castle and secure the parameter around the throne room. Balcony included. The rest of you, on us. We’re going to bring two royal changeling imposters into custody.

Lyra: Thanks for trusting us enough to prove our innocence.
Guard: Foalnapping was never your M.O.. Now, you understand we can’t imprison the Princesses without explicit evidence of their involvement. At best we can occupy the throne room and follow them against their will.
Lyra: Yeah. This is the hard part.

Hissy McFit: Hiss! Stupid equestrians! You-ugh-… already lost!

Lyra: Funny, from where I sit upon the chest you’re locked in I’m feeling like this was a triumph. Don’t see your friends coming to look for you either.

Hissy McFit: Changelings don’t have- hiss-! friends!

Lyra: That kinda sounds like the problem, don’t it?

Hissy McFit: We don’t need friends! We control your country! We took every princess! And even if you somehow rescue them- hiss-! we’ll destroy Equestria!

Octavia: We hear your bluff, we’re just not sold on the tone alone. I mean, destroy Equestria? Really now.

Hissy McFit: If Queen Chrysalis sends the signal to the changelings posing as the princesses, they’ll declare war on every nation on the planet! Only- hiss-! they’ll make it look like Equestria is the one being attacked! The Equestrian Military will be split up and deployed immediately! By the time anyone in authority returns, it will be too late! Equestria will be doomed! Ha ha hiss-ha!

Bon-Bon: That’s quite a contingency…
Octavia: Stopping the changelings posing as the Elements of Harmony is no longer the priority.
Raindrops: So, we’re going to Canterlot to stop the imposer princesses?
Octavia: If we can even reach them. No doubt they’ve heightened security to limit their exposure to the public.
Lyra: I think I can take care of that.

Lyra: Hey, Spike.

Spike?: What do you want?

Lyra: Oh Spike, you didn’t forget did you?

Spike?: Forget w-?
Lyra: I mean, that would be so out-of-character and suspicious if you didn’t remember. You look forward to it every week.

Spike?: Uh… No. I’ve just been really busy. Twilight’s been running me all around town.
Lyra: Oh mare. What a slave driver.
Spike?: I know, right? I’m kind of in a hurry so-
Lyra: Fortunately this never takes very long. You’ll be in and out without her ever knowing. Got some good ones for you this week.

Spike?: G-Good ones?

Lyra: Hmm? Oh yeah! Some great memes! Bon-Bon even made us some cupcakes!

Spike?: Oh boy. I look forward to those things.

Lyra: You sure do little buddy. You sure do.

Octavia: Vinyl-… Vinyl if you-… If you could just slow down a tad-! I can’t see a thing when you zoom the vision around like that! … Oh haha. Very funny.

Lyra: It all just looks like a lot of dreamscape nonsense. How does Princess Luna actually go in there?

Octavia: Different spell, different properties, I imagine.

Bon-Bon: Even when she holds it still I can’t make out anything.
Lyra: It’s like watching one of those time-lapse videos, through a telescope, from a foot away. What are we even looking for?
Octavia: Bare in mind I’ve only read about how this works when changelings are involved. Not much opportunity to practice it.

Raindrops: Woah.
Bon-Bon: Everything went dark.
Lyra: Did it break?
Octavia: Changeling dreams. Inky, amorphous blobs that draw in anything healthy and absorb it. They can fool us in the real world, but they can’t hide the darkness in their hearts.

Lyra: So it is changelings. That’s a relief. [Pause] I mean, at least we can fight back without hurting the ones we’re trying to save. Right?
Octavia: I’m not so sure. We’re three against seven. And that’s being generous.
Raindrops: Don’t you mean five against seven?
Octavia: I’m not counting ponies that can’t defend themselves.
Raindrops: That’s… That’s fair.

Bon-Bon: So what do we do? Round up as many ponies as we can and rush them?
Octavia: Ponyville ponies? If this were Cloudsdale or Manehattan perhaps. But Ponyville has about the meekest residents in Equestria.
Lyra: What about Zecora?
Bon-Bon: This is the last time we need somepony to get lost in the Everfree Forest.
Raindrops: So what do we do?

Octavia: I’m afraid I don’t have the answer… The only way S.M.I.L.E. could have been compromised is if the Seeker Network was taken down. And if the changelings got that far… They must have the princesses as well. Which means they have control over the entirety of the EUP. Even CUE… Whatever course of action we take had better work… Because we may be Equestria’s last line of defense…

Octavia: Bonnie.
Bon-Bon: Octavia. She checks out then?

Lyra: Her and Vinyl both.

Bon-Bon: Whatashame.
Octavia: Likewise. Is this all you’ve managed to gather?

Bon-Bon: Of course not. It’d be too suspicious to have everypony together, so we-
Octavia: Sent everypony away, to be prayed upon individually. You no longer have any indication they are or aren’t reliable. Possibly compromised any passcode distributed as well.
Raindrops: Oh no…
Octavia: Still haven’t taken any lessons from the past, Bonnie?
Bon-Bon: Hey! We saw something you didn’t!
Octavia: You acted first. I try to take a more informed approach. We no longer have that option.

Lyra: Stop it! Both of you! Whatever we’re up against; they took Spike! A baby! So unless you can clap your hooves and make it better-
Octavia: No qualms with targeting children… Given their selective approach it sounds like changeling tactics to me.

Bon-Bon: I thought so too, but Lyra brought up mind control as a possibility.

Octavia: I can’t think of anything capable of that on so specific a scale. Targeting some but not others. At least, nothing with a motive. But it is something we can test for. Even changelings have to sleep.

Bon-Bon: Nyx Eye… But that’s a fairly advanced spell. We don’t have time to-
Octavia: I think our DJ friend here can handle it, if she remembers how.

[Pause]

Octavia: Maybe after a quick refresher.

Lyra: Nothing?

Bon-Bon: … I wish… Somepony answered, but it wasn’t who it should have been.

Lyra: Do they know that we-?
Bon-Bon: No. I mean, they might be suspicious but I gave no indication. What about you?
Lyra: B won’t answer no matter what I do. Usually I barely breathe and he’s there.
Bon-Bon: Okay. Not panicking. The Elements of Harmony, and possibly the entirety of Equestria’s security forces, have been compromised. We are the only two we know of that aren’t Changelings-
Lyra: Or worse…

Bon-Bon: What could possibly be worse?
Lyra: They could still be themselves but mind controlled?

Bon-Bon: … Yeah, I guess they could be… Darn. That is a lot worse. Any ideas?
Lyra: Cry?

Bon-Bon: Maybe something you aren’t already doing?
Lyra: Cry harder?
Bon-Bon: Lyra-
Lyra: Bon-Bon I’m really scared!
Bon-Bon: So am I! But if they replaced everypony in Equestria they wouldn’t have left us. This has got to be some kind of stealth insurgency plot; turn Equestria into a puppet state. That means most ponies should still be themselves. We have numbers. We’ve just got to find a way to rally them without being discovered…

Bon-Bon: Lyra, did you notice Fluttershy and Rarity acting strange today?

Lyra: No, but Twilight and Applejack seemed… off somehow. Like, distant maybe?

Bon-Bon: I wonder if its some kind of Harmony crisis.

Lyra: Maybe they’re just stressed. Or, ha! Maybe its Changelings!

Bon-Bon: Hahaha! Yeah, that’ll be the day!

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: Maybe I should contact-?

Lyra: Yeah… Yeah you do that.

Lyra: That griffin was incredible! I bet if she was pitching too they’d have had to enact mercy rules!

Bon-Bon: She was something else, alright! I’m glad Golden Harvest invited us.

Lyra: I’m glad she invited you to join her Buckball team! Raindrops and I might be trash, but you really do deserve that spot.

Bon-Bon: I’m not sure how often I’ll be needed, but I’ll stay in practice for sure. [Pause] And I’m proud of you, Lyra.

Lyra: Me?

Bon-Bon: That score you made against GH’s team. I didn’t want it to come off the wrong way; like I wouldn’t have been proud if you hadn’t caught any goals. But that you worked so hard and improved so much. You tried Lyra. I’m so proud of you for trying.

Lyra: I only give up on something if I feel it’s a waste. But since it was to help you, I knew it wasn’t.

Bon-Bon: Aww! Lyra, that’s so- Wait a minute. You gave up on cooking.

Lyra: Ah… Uh….

Bon-Bon: Cooking is not a waste, Lyra!
Lyra: Gee, is the sun setting already? I still have a few errands I need to run!
Bon-Bon: Cooking is an art form! A discipline! It’s an essential life skill!
Lyra: I’ll catch you later, Bon-Bon! Don’t wait up!
Bon-Bon: Lyra! LYRA! I CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU!

Lyra: Are you alright, Bon-Bon? What’s wrong?

Bon-Bon: Minuette is stuck in Canterlot, some issue with the trains. Vinyl can’t leave Manehatten. And while we have Raindrops here to fill in for Blossomforth after she sprained her wing- we have no unicorn!

Golden Harvest: Oh no! I’m so sorry, Bon-Bon! Should we reschedule again?

Bon-Bon: No… I’ve already held your team up. I don’t want to make you three have to keep pushing matches back because of me.

Golden Harvest: What if we let you borrow a player?

Bon-Bon: It wouldn’t be the same… Besides, we practiced plays and maneuvers-
Golden Harvest: I understand, Bon-Bon.

Lyra: [Sigh] I’ll do it.

Bon-Bon: I appreciate that, Lyra, but-
Lyra: I know the game, I know the team’s strategies. I know I’m terrible and I know there’s no way we’ll win. But I also know you love playing this game. And the only reason I ever agreed to play is because I saw how excited you were. I wanted to help you do what you love. Now, would you rather try as hard as you can and still lose or lose by default?

Bon-Bon: You know what, GH? We’ll at least give your team some real practice before you take this show on the road!

Golden Harvest: I’ll let the girls know, but we won’t go easy on you!

Bon-Bon: You’d better not! [Pause] Thanks, Lyra.

Lyra: Of course. Ready to lose, Raindrops?
Raindrops: Heehee! Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last!

Bon-Bon: That was good practice! I feel great!
Lyra: Uh huh…

Bon-Bon: I feel prepared for my first game tomorrow!
Lyra: Good for you…

Bon-Bon: Speaking of which… you’re… off the team.

Lyra: … Fine…

Bon-Bon: I mean, you never wanted to play anyway, right?

Lyra: Not want to play sports? Me? Whatever gave you that idea? I love getting hit in the face with a dodgeball, tripping over a basket and falling in the mud every fifteen minutes. Nevermind all the sighing and shaking heads everypony else-
Bon-Bon: Alright, I get it. Sorry I even asked you to play.

Lyra: … So, who is replacing me?

Bon-Bon: Minuette.
Lyra: Minuette? She barely had time to practice. What happened to Pon3?

Bon-Bon: Her schedule is just too unstable. One minute she’s fine and the next she’s booked for a week. She’s fine as a reserve, but we can’t depend on her.

Lyra: So you, Blossomforth, and Minuette vs. Golden Harvest, Amethyst Star, and…?
Bon-Bon: Muffins, unfortunately. Turns out she’s a natural when she’s not hamstringed as an earth pony. Bad call on my part for letting her go.

Lyra: Well good luck to you. I’m gonna go pass out on the floor, because I’m too dirty to climb into bed.

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Blossomforth is all over you! Move!

Lyra: [Panting] Blossomforth… Can SEE DEEZ NUTS!

Blossomforth: Ugh! Rude!
Bon-Bon: Blossomforth can’t see anything if she’s standing on them. Come on! It doesn’t matter how much I have the ball if you give me nothing to work with!

Raindrops: I think you’re doing great, Lyra!

Lyra: … Thanks, Raindrops.

Octavia: Good evening, Vinyl. You look well-rested, which I would consider to be odd given we stand upon a sports field. I take it practice is a little one-sided?

Lyra: H-hey Octavia!

Octavia: Good evening, Lyra. Bonnie.
Bon-Bon: Octavia.

Octavia: Now Vinyl, you’ll recall that patron in Manehattan that canceled on you? … Well, they uncanceled. I came to see you as a formality, thinking you’d be too exhausted to perform. However-

Bon-Bon: It’s alright, Vinyl, you go ahead. I don’t think you’ll be getting much practice like this anyway. You and Raindrops can go too, Muffins. And thanks for filling in for our earth pony today!

Muffins: Sure! Happy to help! Although I’m not really sure I did anything…?

Bon-Bon: We’ll keep practicing, if you’re up to it Blossomforth.

Blossomforth: You bet!

Raindrops: I’ll just stick around and cheer everypony on then! Hehe, I don’t really have anything else to do.

Bon-Bon: Alright, Lyra. Get up.

Lyra: … Like I haven’t got embarrassed enough today…

Lyra: That as pretty fun! And Snails was amazing! He looked like a professional out there!

Bon-Bon: He certainly did. I had no idea he was so gifted.

Lyra: I wonder if that game will become more popular.

Bon-Bon: Maybe. Buckball looks like a fun game, but…

Lyra: But what?

Bon-Bon: Why were the unicorns just standing there? It made it far too easy for the pegasus to block. Appleloosa’s pegasus was terrible. The only reason she blocked as many shots as she did was through physical presence. That’s not very athletic.

Lyra: It was probably in the rules. A moving goalpost is already pretty intense.

Bon-Bon: I wonder if I couldn’t change a few rules to make it better…

Lyra: Why does that sound sinister?