Tootsie: The CMC said they went camping over the weekend.

Bon-Bon: Well that’s nice and wholesome.

Tootsie: Yeah, except they said they were attacked by a swarm of Flyders?
Bon-Bon: [Coughing][Sputtering] FLYDERS?!

Tootsie: Ye-
Bon-Bon: Where were they?!

Tootsie: I-Iuh… W-Winsome Falls?

Bon-Bon: That’s not far from here… Close all the windows! Call Lyra and tell her to get back here ASAP! I’ve got to contact the town exterminator! They have to prepare for this!

Tootsie: Bon-Bon! Wait! What’s a-…! What’s a Flyder?

Bon-Bon: What?

Lyra: What?

Bon-Bon: You can’t be serious.

Lyra: Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like Vanilla Strawberry Cream. I’m just saying it’s not always the best.

Bon-Bon: That doesn’t make any sense. You love Vanilla Strawberry. It’s your favorite ice cream, it’s your favorite cake. It’s your favorite ice cream cake. It’s your favorite cookie, it’s your favorite candy. If I knew how to bake it into a bagel, it’d be your favorite bagel. And you don’t even like bagels!

Lyra: Shows how much you know. I love strawberry bagels!

Bon-Bon: This is exactly what I’m talking about!

Lyra: I’m talking about Vanilla Strawberry Cream! They put it on everything!

Bon-Bon: Of course they do! We make what sells! And your conveniently deniable obsession with Vanilla Strawberry drives the entire market! It can’t possibly be overused!

Lyra: [Scoff] Well I think Vanilla Strawberry Cream is overused!

Bon-Bon: Hmph!

Spike: Yes! Fighting! [Pause] Uh… I mean, what seems to be the problem?

Bon-Bon: I can’t stay here, I have work in the morning!

Lyra: This is ridiculous. We’ve been out here for like fifteen minutes. They can’t just hide in there! We have valid questions that need answering!

Berryshine: Yeah! It’s like they think they can just sing a song and it’ll solve everypony’s problems!

Lyra: Oh that is so Twilight too. Just sing a song and walk away.

Rose: There she is! They’re coming out!

[Ravenous uproar]

Twilight: Everypony please! If I can have your attention!

Reporter Pony?: Princess Twilight-!
Twilight: I am so sorry, but we will not be taking questions at this time-
Reporter Pony?: My pencil…

Twilight: Everypony, we would like to let you all know just how thrilled we are that The Friendship Journal was such a hit among so many ponies! So much so that you’ve taken a break from your everyday lives to gather here. It is for this reason, and many others, that I invite you all to return to your homes and reread the work! But this time, do so at a slower pace. Reflect upon the many lessons found within, but only one-at-a-time. Maybe only read one lesson a day!

Rainbow Dash: But mostly just go home!

Reporter Pony?: And what if we don’t?!

[Cries of approval]

Twilight: That is a very good question! And if I could just direct your attention to the center of Ponyville-! [Zap] Which is where you now are. For those of you remaining, I can’t promise you you’ll all end up in the same place if you stay, but I can assure you it won’t be here.

[Pause, Grumbles of Dispersal]

Twilight: Thank you! Thank you for reading! And if any of you find your way to Sweet Apple Acres on your way back, be sure to let everypony there know they are trespassing on royal land, gifted to the Apple family, who have the sole authority to prosecute!

Lyra: No doubt about it, Lisa, you were right! Applejack is the best!

Tootsie: Thanks!

Bon-Bon: I’ve always felt welcome on Sweet Apple Acres, but I’ve never just… you know, relaxed before!

Tootsie: You should relax more often!

Bon-Bon: Maybe I should!

Applejack: [Pant] Sorry the… the plate’s empty… All the other guests already… Do you fillies need anything?

Lyra: We’re fine over here, Applejack!

Bon-Bon: Thanks a bunch, Applejack!

Tootsie: We love you, Applejack!

Dinky: And how! Yee~haw~!

Applejack: [Dejected Sigh]

Lyra: Did that sigh sound, I don’t know, dejected to anypony else?

Bon-Bon: Those don’t sound like relaxing thoughts.

Tootsie: Hey everypony! I’m-
Lyra: Say what again, filly! SAY WHAT AGAIN!

Bon-Bon: Rarity is a selfish, self-centered, manipulating-
Tootsie: totally not surprised…
Bon-Bon: -with an ego only rivaling Rainbow Dash!

Lyra: Oh yeah?! Well guess who’s an eccentric, hyperactive, stalker; and at least three times more controlling than even Twilight Sparkle?! Knock knock, it’s Pinkie Pie!

Bon-Bon: [Gasp] How dare you take the Ponk’s name in vain?!

Lyra: You’re just a-!
Bon-Bon: I’ll have you know-!

[Unintelligible Yelling]

Tootsie: “Say, Lisa, who gave your favorite friendship lessons?” Oh, I really liked Fluttershy’s because I know what it’s like to feel small and anxious about speaking out. I found her lessons to be the most relatable. “Gee, Lisa, that’s so mature and adult of you!“ Thanks, but my favorite lessons were Applejack’s. You know why? Because she actually CARES ABOUT FAMILY!

[Door Slam; Pause]

Lyra: Um… Lisa’s home.

Bon-Bon: You don’t say?

Bon-Bon: Oh, so you got a copy too?

Lyra: Huh? Oh yeah. I wasn’t gonna, but Twilight was literally just giving them out.

Bon-Bon: That’s funny, I got two. One for me and one for you.

Lyra: You could give one to Lisa.

Bon-Bon: I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t already have a copy by Monday. Rumblings I’ve heard is that The Friendship Journal’s selling like cider all across Equestria.

Lyra: I guess it’s not every day a princess publishes a book.

Bon-Bon: It’s not everyday you actually read a book either.

Lyra: If you can call Fluttershy’s entries reading. Make an ant squint. And Rarity’s might as well be wrote in Saddle Arabian.

Bon-Bon: You mean Arabic. You know, if you’re having trouble, I could always read to you.

Lyra: Get off me ‘fore you break the stool!

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Lyra! Look!

Lyra: Pear jam? You’re about a consonant away from-
Bon-Bon: Yes! And you’ll never guess where I got it!

Lyra: Was it the market?

Bon-Bon: No! I-I mean, technically… Why are you like this?

Lyra: It’s jam, Bon-Bon. What’s the big deal?

Bon-Bon: Grand Pear is back!

Lyra: Is… is that code?

Bon-Bon: No! You’ve seriously never heard anyone bring him up? He used to own a pear orchard next to The Apples. My parents used to talk about him all the time, both in Canterlot and when we moved to Ponyville. If you’ve ever had pear jam, its his. His was the smaller business, but before he moved away to Vanhoover he went blow for blow with The Apples right here in their base of operations. And for years! He’s an entrepreneur juggernaut! A living legend!

Lyra: Oooh. I thought this was a food thing. This is a business thing.

Bon-Bon: [Gasp] What if he lets me make candy out of his pears? Lyra! No pony’s ever been allowed to make candy out of his pears! I need to prepare! Where’s my stationary?!

Lyra: So then she said “Pfft!“ And I was all “Pfft? You can’t just end a story with pfft. You didn’t really just say pfft and walk away. So what did you-“

Blues: Don’t turn around- woah uh-oh.

Lyra: What are you-Discord is behind me isn’t he?

Blues: He hasn’t seen us yet- woah uh-oh.

[Extended Pause]

Blues: Alright, he’s gone.

Lyra: Phew… So anyway, I was all “What did you really say?“ And she said-

Bon-Bon: Did… Did you have a strange dream with Princess Celestia in it?

Lyra: … Not really… Why?

Bon-Bon: I was baking and suddenly Princess Celestia shows up looking really haggard.  And she was like, “Don’t be afraid, everything’s going to be okay.“ In this completely drained voice and I’m just like, “So should I use less cinnamon? More?“

Tootsie: I had a dream I was running in a race and Princess Celestia showed up and said “You don’t have to run.“ I and said “But I want to win.“ And she said “It’s okay to lose. Failure is a natural part of life.“ And I was just… it’s a game?

Lyra: Weird.

Bon-Bon: What did you dream about?

Lyra: Falling into the sun. And don’t worry, the metaphor isn’t lost on me. But it’s been reoccurring again lately so I don’t think it’s related.

Bon-Bon: Do you ever have a good night sleep?

Lyra: Sometimes. [Pause] Once in a while.

Bon-Bon: So, which was your favorite?

Lyra: Overall, I liked Inky Rose’s designs. But my favorite was one of Starstreak’s. The one with the pants and the long coat. You?

Bon-Bon: I liked Lily Lace’s third ballroom gown. The one with the feathered hat. I also liked the hoodie.

Lyra: Inky’s hoodie? The one with the spiderweb pattern on it?

Bon-Bon: Well, I didn’t care for the holes in the shirt. Otherwise, sure!

Lyra: Wow! I didn’t expect that.

Bon-Bon: I bet Liza would have liked the yellow one.

Lyra: That one was pretty too! Reminded me of Belle’s gown. Though, I guess any canary yellow gala dress would.

Lyra: Wait wait wait wait. Wait. Back up. You were living in Cloudsdale long enough to spectate on Rainbow Dash’s entire competitive career?

Raindrops: Yes?

Lyra: How? I thought you grew up in Canterlot, like me.

Raindrops: I did.

Lyra: That’s impossible! You can’t be in two places at once!

Raindrops: I… wasn’t? We lived in Lower Canterlot till I was fifteen, then we moved to Cloudsdale to live with my grandmother.

Lyra: You were fifteen at Rainbow Dash’s first race?

Raindrops: Well, like eighteen by then.

Lyra: H… H-how old are you?

Raindrops: Thirty.
Lyra: You’re older than me?!
Raindrops: Nine.

[Pause]

Lyra: Y… You’re almost forty?! But… but you look like you’re twenty!

Raindrops: Oh, well thank you.

Tootsie: What’s Sweetie Belle’s problem?

Aura: Huh? Oh. Iunno.

Ruby: Cats in the cradle.

Aura: Oh yeah! … Big sister syndrome.

Tootsie: Wha?

Aura: Oh that’s right, you don’t have a big sister.

Ruby: When you’re younger you want to spend time with your big sister, but she doesn’t have time for you. Then, when you get older, your big sister wants to spend time with you. But now you’re the one that’s busy, so she gets on your nerves.

Tootsie: Oh… That sounds sad… Wait, what if she just doesn’t want to watch puppets?

Aura: Tch-eah right! Who wouldn’t want to watch puppets?

Bon-Bon: So… what is this called again?

Lyra: Fluttershy calls it an “Animal Sanctuary“.

Bon-Bon: It’s… kinda just one big zoo enclosure. Only without the enclosure. Wouldn’t the animals just, you know, eat each other?

Lyra: I think that’s the point?

Bon-Bon: There aren’t any dangerous animals here, like a hippopotamus, are there?

Lyra: I don’t aim to find out.

Bon-Bon: Good call, let’s get out of here.

Bon-Bon: Come on, Lyra.
Lyra: Nope.

Bon-Bon: Lyra.
Lyra: Nope.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, be reasonable!
Lyra: You didn’t see that look in Pinkie Pie’s eyes, Bon-Bon! She’s a desperate mare driven to the brink! I ain’t goin’ out there!

Bon-Bon: Oh for pony’s sake… I’m going out with or without you.

Lyra: Just gonna sit here. Completely still in case Pinkie looks in the window.

[Pause]

Lyra: Hey Simple, how’s it going? No, boy, this is a bad time for face lickums. Not in the nose! NOOOOO~!

Bon-Bon: I can’t believe you didn’t want to go to the art exhibition.

Lyra: I can’t believe Princess Flurry Heart buried herself in a mound of stuffed animals. You’d think the future heir to the Crystal Empire would have guards with her, like, 24/7.

Bon-Bon: Don’t change the subject, I thought you loved art!

Lyra: Come to think of it, does Cadance need an heir? She’s a pegasus-turned-alicorn. Is she immortal? I always just kinda assumed Twilight isn’t.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Whaaat? The exhibit? It’s just a bunch of minimalist post-modern crap anyway. Art is all up to interpretation, but it still has to have substance. It’s nothing more than a bunch of hacks trying to get famous.

Bon-Bon: Well that’s rude. I had a good time.

Lyra: They serve food there?

Bon-Bon: No.
Lyra: Garbage!