Let me make one thing clear…

I have never been raped. Have I done some things I’d rather not have done? Sure, but I decided a long time ago that I would never be one hundred percent forced into anything. If it looked like I might have been, I went along with it willingly, You understand me?

I couldn’t live with myself if I was ever raped…

You want to have this out right now? With me sick as [omitted] and medicated into a haze? You disappear week after week and you choose now to press me? Fine.

I don’t know what the [omitted] I want anymore! I thought I did. I was positive for an eternity. But I don’t know anymore…

The idea of just traveling with a band from place to place, without a care in the world for anything… It was an escape. It was an escape from the reality that I’m stuck here. Or stuck there. Or wherever I’m assigned to go!

I never wanted to leave the castle! I was told months in advance about being relocated… And it still came too soon! I never wanted to come to Ponyville! I… I hated this place! And that escape? That little notion of abandoning it all and getting out? That’s what kept me going!

But… Things changed… I have friends now… Real ones. Or, at least I hope real ones… And Sweetie Belle. How could I ever leave her? She’s my life now… She reminds me so much of myself… I have to make sure things turn out different! I can’t let her live through the horrors I faced!

And Krastos… he isn’t just a nice bear, he’s a family man! I’ve seen him with foals and… [sniff] I wish I could be like that… I’ll be honest, I don’t love him as much as I’ve loved in the past. But I feel like I can! I really do! Please don’t take this the wrong way, Krastos… You make me feel… like… like-

[Cough] [Cough]

Like the world isn’t such a dark place…

But you? Now you’re a teacher here in Ponyville now? You actually live here now? I wouldn’t ever have to wake up and you’d be gone?

…

Now that I could actually be with you… I don’t know that I want to… I don’t know that I ever wanted to… You were always perfect to me. The perfect escape. But now I don’t want to leave, and you couldn’t take me if I did…

…

It’s not fair… It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to you…

[Sniff]

That night… When I looked out the open window to the courtyard far below? It was you. That perfect escape is what I held on to. You’re the one that steadied my nerves… You’re the reason I’m here today.

[Sob]

And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for it… You really are perfect…

[Sniff]

But I can’t have you… I could never love you like a pony. You’d always be that thing; that idea that saved my life. I could never, and can never find any fault in you…

And that’s not love… That’s worship…

…

I’m sorry…

I… Don’t know…

Whatever it was probably got stolen or broke, though.

I bet it was this one really cool stick I had. Was shaped like a glaive-style spear! You know, with the blade that protrudes at the end and curves? Even had a knot where the shaft would theoretically meet the blade!

That thing was so cool…

Certainly very creative, but not really applicable.

I don’t even really like kisses. I like hugs.

Could be worse. I have no family, but here I am with a ‘sister’ and two foals to love. I’ve had three failed relationships, but Boscov is really growing on me. I might not be getting paid for my music right now, but at least I’m getting to play for ponies.

Wow, this turned out sappy.

I try to pretend it doesn’t matter, but every once in a while I just wonder sometimes, you know? What if this, what if that. I know it’s stupid, but it’s also not fair…

Maybe my parents were pricks anyway and I would have hated them. But I never had that option. I don’t know anything about them, or why I was left alone in a carriage next to a storefront all those years ago.

I didn’t know right away, but I started to piece it together.

Once I had things sorted out with York, I just asked him if it was me. I gotta work all next week; don’t really have time to beat-around-the-bush.

And thanks! Since we already know one another, we’re skipping the whole ‘first date’ thing and moving on to the fancy restaurant atmosphere!

…

Maybe… Indirectly, maybe my actions have stopped somepony from dying…

Have I ever stood over somepony hanging from the brink and pulled them back to safety? No… I was always either too late…

…

Sorry, this isn’t a subject I’m fond of… I think that’s it from me for tonight.

You had quite a chunk in change! All together it came out to roughly 8 bits!

Unfortunately, even without a frame to set it on, the bed will cost a little over two hundred…

I was a very sweet gesture, Sweetie. If you want, you can have the money back and you can spend it on something for yourself. You earned it after all.

It just warms my heart that you’d go through so much trouble for me! If it makes you feel any better, I can sleep on Tootsie’s bed tonight and tomorrow night, while she isn’t here.

I’ll get a bed soon, I promise. I just need to make sure this new job works out.

Excuse me, everypony. I have to go cry like an emotional little sissy now.

[Sniff]

My heart wasn’t ready for this.

That jokes about sexually transmitted diseases aren’t funny when aimed at ponies who have, on more than one occasion, had intercourse without being one hundred percent, willfully consenting.

I’m sorry, I was hoping that’s what you’ve learned.

…

I can’t complain, it was sort of funny in its minimalistic approach.

But the whole subject is wearing thin.

Remember that one episode of Pokemon where all the main characters’ pokemon got lost and subtitles came up so you could understand what they were saying for once? Remember that one line? It went something like…

There are no bad pokemon, just bad trainers.

There are no illegal cutie marks. You can use a talent to do something illegal, but even thieves can have positive impacts. The best pickpocket in the world can train law enforcement in how to detect if somepony is trying to steal something.

We all make our own lives worth living.

I didn’t point you to me; I couldn’t have if I wanted to. Whoever you are, you found me on your own. You sought out something to brighten your day, and I’m flattered you feel I help make that happen. But you didn’t sit in misery. You looked for something. And if I wasn’t here, I’m certain you would have found something else.

You make your own life worth living by spending your free-time on things you enjoy, or find fulfilling. There’s no better way to live.

Probably when I got my cutie mark.

I was a wreck before and after the performance. But when my teacher was handing out awards and I got most improved… Celestia, that felt good…

And of course, when I got home and noticed I had my cutie mark, even more so! Not having to wear a dress anymore to hid my flank was great too!

Probably a little selfish, but yeah. Couldn’t ask for more on that day.