Lyranne, i was looking at my tumblr activity, and saw some chump liked this post. And i was like “wtf is this post again? Some rarijack nonsense….” and i LOOKED through it once…then i was like…wait…wAIT WAIT OH! WIAT IS THAT

LYRA IS THIS YOUR LONG-LOST FATHER?!!?

… Well?

B: I didn’t meet your father until after he joined the guard, so I don’t know his natural coat color. But apart from his body being recovered after the attack, he was a unicorn. That’s an earth pony. I’m sorry, that pony must be related to some other Lyra.

Well now wait a minute. My parents must have had family, right? What if he’s an uncle or something?

B: Hmm… From the few conversations we had, your father never mentioned his family. Never spoke with your mother… I suppose it’s worth looking into. Not like I have anything else to do anymore.

[A dulled roar, as if within a massive crowd.]

Lyra: Okay. And you said I could post this too, right?

B: Sure.

Lyra: Alright! Take it away! Magic disabling! Go!

B: The notion of suppressing spell casting has been the subject of much research for nearly as long as spell casting has been around. There hasn’t been any real effective method up to this point. But it seems crystal ponies have created one. And it’s quite elegant. They used spell threading to weave together a complex Counterspell that sticks to the unicorn’s horn.

B: Now, a Counterspell wall isn’t a new concept. But crystal ponies took it so much further. They created a spell wall that seeks out sources of magic and wraps them in a Counterspell while leaving the rest of the subject unaffected.

B: It’s absolutely remarkable. If the Counterspell wrapped up the entire unicorn, then this would leave the subject in an unpleasant condition not far removed from being at a high altitude and breathing in thinner air. But because it targets only the source of magic- it’s the perfect solution to unwanted spell use for a public gathering. It could even be repurposed as a pacifying tool during riots or further, a non-fatal instrument of war.

B: That they created something so incredible such a short time after their return is simply astounding.

1) Bon-Bon: Well, thank you but they always got in the way.

B: Hate to break this to you, but somepony already tried the whole puppy thing. Doomed to failure from the start, of course. But as far as ludicrous conquest plans go, it wound up being quite threatening. Before it was all over they completely took over Hoofington; and the population there didn’t even know it.

2) Yes. In fact, there’s quite a few ponies that look nearly identical to one another. Strange phenomenon that has something to do with near-perfect genetic match-ups going back to common ancestors.

I was at the royal wedding. But during the attack I spent most of my time running around the streets trying to get ponies to safety. She told me about it after the fact, but Professor Lyra (inactive) was mind-controlled.

Older followers might remember that Professor Lyra was the one that gave Krastos his present home in Ponyville, after she moved to Canterlot.

Lyra: Before we begin, I’d like to welcome back S and thank him for finding time in his busy schedule to come on down and field a question for us. Thank you, S! It’s been a while!

S: And inversely, I would like to apologize for having rescheduled this appointment more than once. I believe you’ve been holding on to this question for a few days now.

Lyra: No trouble at all! Always happy to have you!

S: Pleasantries aside, I’d like to dive right into this. Firstly, there’s been some- while I wouldn’t yet call it miscommunication (we’ll get to that part later), critical details left missing from our present situation. You see, griffons did not suddenly stop using ponies as a source of nourishment. Ascension is neither an equal process nor can it function independently of the many other circumstances required for a species to grow into an organized society.

S: There have long since been “wild” ponies living within the borders of the griffons’ claimed lands. Though not a primary food source by any modern means, they were consumed on a semi-regular basis, dependent on the income of the family unit in question. For most, it was a treat; something to be savored on special occasions.

S: The ponies themselves had every bit the potential for intelligence that we take for granted, but without the downtime necessary to create or maintain a society. The unfortunate incident often cited on this webpage was the drastic result of a civilization (griffons) facing the extinction of an exotic, upper-class food source (ponies). As the upper-class, who so often control who is in power, were the primary consumers of this food source, it should take little imagination to discern a motive for those involved.

S: This brings us to the aforementioned miscommunication. Of which there have been several. Who exactly is at fault is not so easily discerned. Ignoring the fault of wildlife researchers for failing to properly gauge the rate of the local population’s decline, of hunters for remaining silent despite clear signs of said decline, processors for leaving hunters contractually obligated to deliver a product, and even the public for forcing such a high demand on the processors, there remain many mysteries.

S: There has yet to be any clear line of communication between any griffon leader and those involved in the trading of narcotics for Equestrian ponies. This will undoubtably leave a dark spot in griffon history, considering the executions that took place. Which brings me to my next point.

S: Griffons do not hate Equestrian ponies. To hate something requires putting enough thought and effort into something to return with a negative conclusion. Griffons just don’t generally care about Equestrian ponies. The key word being “generally”.

S: The riotous backlash and executions, some of which were public, was not the result of a society’s outrage at an eliminated food supply. It was retribution for feeding the public daughters and sons- mothers and fathers. Rather than being fed animals, griffons had been eating, as the word originates from their tongue, “people”. The whole of the griffon lands cried out in ravenous blind fury, “How dare you turn us into monsters?”

S: The situation, as it stands at present, is that pony meat has not only been absent in griffon society for years, it’s actually been outlawed. In the few cases in which any piece of a pony’s body is discovered and deemed to be within the possession of another individual, having been consumed or not, it is treated as bodily desecration in a court of law.

1) Salut! Hello! Good to hear from you! I’m fine. How are you?

2) Bon-Bon: Sorry. I’ve seen commercials for it, though! If I do watch it, it will probably be after it’s finished and I can marathon all the episodes. I just hate getting wrapped up in something and then having to wait to see what happens.

Lyra: Too much production and not enough content.

Bon-Bon: Again, nopony asked you.

Lyra: I’m just sayin’.

Bon-Bon: And I’m just “sayin’”, shush!

3) Uh… Not that I know of. Interesting story, though.

Well, I mean technically every system up until the current generation was illegally manufactured. They were all recreations based upon studying schematics. But there was never a new system created to play games on.

4) Aw… Sorry about your save file. I’m sure that party was a blast, though!

Keep reading

1) I know, right? On my end it’s more like, “Yeah, I’m playing on the higher difficulty setting but, you know, it’s-it’s taking me a while to clear.” And this one time in particular-, “What are you even doing? 200 hours? And you’re only that far? I completely beat Disgaea in 80.” And I’m all like- da [omitted], dood? All I did was ask a question. Was that even called for?

2) Big enough that I don’t really care about it but have operational knowledge.

3) B: How and were I spend my limited free time is my business.

4) Well, I know Rarijack is. If Flutterdash is canon that would just leave Twipie. And I think we all know better than to ship Twipie.

As a disclaimer: this is a joke and I have no idea.

5) Well… It’s a group of unicorns who’s job is to offer their body and mind for six hours a day to a magical system that monitors vital signs for anomalies. They have no memory of anything they’ve witnessed, in order to maintain privacy.

But the story goes, they can tell the difference between a pony who’s upset about something from a pony who’s getting a rush from thinking about killing somepony. It’s why there’s so few premeditated murders in Equestria.

It’s been around for a while but after what happened in Canterlot it was expanded considerably. And after what happened with Cadance and the changlings they now monitor even the Princesses.

Okay, same deal as last year. These were the asks, there’s only two, but they’re pretty good. Sorry I don’t have more than this for the occasion.

If we came first, there must have been some kind of mass extinction. But wouldn’t humans have found a trace of us by now? And what about the sun and moon? On the other hoof, if humans came first where’s the evidence they should have left behind? Even if all the buildings are gone, where’s the subways- the landfills. Shouldn’t the atmosphere be littered with satellites?

I know it sounds like I’m arguing both for and against my own point here, but I’m just… I have this feeling something terrible is going to happen to one of us…

2) B pretty much covered that before. In fact, you were the one that asked about it! I was breaking into somepony’s house and he busted me.

That doesn’t exactly explain how we became friends, though. I guess I could try to cover that…

B: Try as in, dance around the subject? I thought the whole point of this was for you to tell it straight.

Alright, fine [omitted]. B caught me more than once. I [omitted] hated his smug [omitted]. Twice in a week? That kinda doesn’t work for me. So I begged and pleaded like I usually would in that case. Only… he took me up on the offer… And then again. Then things got weird…

B: Continuously catching and releasing a criminal based on a bribe isn’t exactly legal. So I changed the deal.

That was when I started to learn about how I could use amplification and manipulation for self-defense. B taught me. We sort of bonded over that experience. Eventually we stopped. We were never in any sort of real relationship, though.

It wound up saving my life. And, less than two years ago, I used it to save Krastos’ life.

Big question with a big answer after the break. Lots of information, though!

Keep reading

1) Oh look, another joker that assumes I am a reflection of their contrived, poorly thought-out headcanon. No no; I’m not upset. Just disappointed.

2) B: Without an appropriate punishment, there’s nothing to dissuade said party from reverting to their old ways. Not that any punishment is perfect, but outside of one-on-one trust-building situations, consequences are more effective than a lack-there-of.

3) Well… When you put it that way…

… It was his fault, though. He promised me. He said he was never going to get involved in the drug trade; said no pony was going to get hurt. He promised me and he lied.

I found this old mixtape my second coltfriend gave me. It was sort of done ironically, even back then. He did a bunch of them, but I don’t know where the other ones are. This one was Megaman themed. Some of them I listened to so much the tape started to wear out.

Anyway, I’ve been sitting here listening to it… and… I don’t guess I have anything else to say right now.

Edit: As soon as I posted this, a sad song started playing…

I… I do miss him sometimes, even with how things ended up between us…

1) Bon-Bon: Well, sure! Who doesn’t? Assume too much and you’ll embarrass yourself. Assume too little and you’ll embarrass yourself. We can’t be perfect!

Lyra: Of course, embarrassing yourself and feeling embarrassed are two different things. Things aren’t usually as bad as you think they are.

Bon-Bon: Like many ponies in Equestria, I took a nickname after I got my cutie mark. My birth name is Bonnie Bohun, of Canterlot’s Bohun family. Not the rich side, mine you, but we were well enough off growing up.

2) Have I been asked this before? Sounds familiar… Is this code for something, like that “stairs in your house” thing?

3) B: Of course you want compensation. Heavens forbid you do anything for the greater good without expecting something in return. But you’ll get your payment. I doubt it’ll be as much as you’d like, but Canterlot can only afford to hand out so much under freelancing circumstances.

I’m proud of you though, Strawberry. I know this couldn’t have been an easy decision to make. Thank you for doing this!

4) Depends on how you interpret “personally.” I spoke with dozens; held casual conversations. Had less savory involvements with others. Some of them were every bit the vile, merciless, scourges of society you’d expect. Others could appear normal enough. Sometimes you’d get the feeling that if things had been only a little different they could have been upstanding, charitable citizens. Maybe they even regretted it.

But then you’d see that expression on their face, and all at once death would be too good for them.

1) Historically? Hair. Easy to replace, abundant, and cost efficient! Mine are metal, though. Not too expensive and very durable, but Luna help you if it breaks and flings the wrong way. Cut my foreleg once. No scar or anything, but a lot of blood and it hurt like crazy! Whole thing scared the crap out of me!

Megaman Legends is my favorite series. I loved it. Loved it. I gave up on there ever being a sequel, though.

I didn’t care for Battle Network, but I don’t know anything about Star Force. I played Network Transmission. It wasn’t bad; it was just… More like okay in spite of it’s mechanics instead of because of them.

2) The gang lifestyle arose from the emergence of a now extinguished drug trade. Upper class has always existed in Canterlot, as far as I know. In fact, some families were ruined from the break-ins.

But there’s an upper Canterlot and a lower Canterlot. Lower Canterlot isn’t visible from the skyline. That’s where ponies with less bits lived and that’s where gangs festered until the source was tracked and eliminated.

3) I don’t mean for a public library. I mean colleges! Scholars! Historians! Why are you being so difficult about this?

4) Hello! Fantastically well I am; certainly not fine by far, but you could say I’m close to spectacular.

You seem to have caught Fluttershy since last we spoke. Is it contagious?

5) You gotta remember that unicorn magic beyond the basics is, for the most part, pretty rare anyway. Most of what I know came as secondary education.

Amplification won’t make any noticeable changes to a body’s natural healing process. At least, nothing that’s yet been accomplished has. It’s just not focused enough. There are healing magics, though.

1) Lyra: That’s fantastic! I’ve always been interested in floorplans and layouts but I’m not very good at designing them.

Bon-Bon: I think he was talking to me.

2) Too many to count. Some I knew; some I didn’t.

The assailants were thugs, criminals. Insensitive and hateful. Not incapable of being civilized, but they found instant gratification and had no desire to change. As the gang tides rose and fell many would wind up died at the hooves of one another.

Not a very bright point in Canterlot’s history, but it’s changed since then.

3) Strawberry, if you copied all the [omitted] books for yourself, then why can’t you just copy all the copies?

4) I do not. Pianos are large, heavy, and expensive.

5) Both. Manipulation subtly alters string density and amplification shifts the sound traveling in the air before it reaches your ear (or a recording device). What you don’t want to do is rapidly shift the lyre’s pitch by it’s tuning pin or by applying improper pressure. That’s damaging to the strings.

1) Not a complicated answer. We don’t use our planet’s limited minerals like they’re renewable.

2) I don’t think you’re understanding how weapon bans work. The criminal has no weapons either, because there aren’t any. There are none to buy, there is no means to manufacture them, there aren’t any to steal.

When incapacitating somepony takes a great deal of effort, the desire to go ahead and do it is substantially reduced. And if you can’t be sure you can get away with it by stacking the cards in your favor, the probability of the act taking place is reduced as well.

The fact that weapons are illegal isn’t even important. There aren’t any. When you try to rob somepony in Equestria, the factors of break in and exit time, population, and the reaction time of law enforcement just means you’re more likely to get beat up yourself. Why do you think I got arrested so many times for? I don’t know how things are for you humans, but [omitted]’s not easy to pull off here.

3) You wouldn’t be the first pony to come to that conclusion. Is there anything wrong with that way of thinking, though? Batmare, were she real, is basically some rich filly living out a revenge fantasy over and over again to fill the void left by the death of her parents. Do the psychological implications of that matter if she’s stopping villains from taking the lives of others?

4) [Audible Sigh] Please clarify the nature of your aggression.

5) Animals are animals. They were around since before we were. Leave them alone and they’ll balance themselves. The reason that never works in your world is because you can’t ever seem to leave them alone, what with the pollution, deforestation, segmentation, poaching, and whatever you want to call this bright idea.

If an invasive species is introduced, massive, long term efforts are usually undertaken within days to remove them. That parasprite invasion was bad, but it would have been taken care of before it caused any long term harm, if Twilight hadn’t destroyed the town and nearly killed us all.

6) Not sure if you read what you just wrote, but it sounds to me like you got a pretty big worry for the future there. You could go ahead and start working on that.