Lyra: Before we begin, I’d like to welcome back S and thank him for finding time in his busy schedule to come on down and field a question for us. Thank you, S! It’s been a while!

S: And inversely, I would like to apologize for having rescheduled this appointment more than once. I believe you’ve been holding on to this question for a few days now.

Lyra: No trouble at all! Always happy to have you!

S: Pleasantries aside, I’d like to dive right into this. Firstly, there’s been some- while I wouldn’t yet call it miscommunication (we’ll get to that part later), critical details left missing from our present situation. You see, griffons did not suddenly stop using ponies as a source of nourishment. Ascension is neither an equal process nor can it function independently of the many other circumstances required for a species to grow into an organized society.

S: There have long since been “wild” ponies living within the borders of the griffons’ claimed lands. Though not a primary food source by any modern means, they were consumed on a semi-regular basis, dependent on the income of the family unit in question. For most, it was a treat; something to be savored on special occasions.

S: The ponies themselves had every bit the potential for intelligence that we take for granted, but without the downtime necessary to create or maintain a society. The unfortunate incident often cited on this webpage was the drastic result of a civilization (griffons) facing the extinction of an exotic, upper-class food source (ponies). As the upper-class, who so often control who is in power, were the primary consumers of this food source, it should take little imagination to discern a motive for those involved.

S: This brings us to the aforementioned miscommunication. Of which there have been several. Who exactly is at fault is not so easily discerned. Ignoring the fault of wildlife researchers for failing to properly gauge the rate of the local population’s decline, of hunters for remaining silent despite clear signs of said decline, processors for leaving hunters contractually obligated to deliver a product, and even the public for forcing such a high demand on the processors, there remain many mysteries.

S: There has yet to be any clear line of communication between any griffon leader and those involved in the trading of narcotics for Equestrian ponies. This will undoubtably leave a dark spot in griffon history, considering the executions that took place. Which brings me to my next point.

S: Griffons do not hate Equestrian ponies. To hate something requires putting enough thought and effort into something to return with a negative conclusion. Griffons just don’t generally care about Equestrian ponies. The key word being “generally”.

S: The riotous backlash and executions, some of which were public, was not the result of a society’s outrage at an eliminated food supply. It was retribution for feeding the public daughters and sons- mothers and fathers. Rather than being fed animals, griffons had been eating, as the word originates from their tongue, “people”. The whole of the griffon lands cried out in ravenous blind fury, “How dare you turn us into monsters?”

S: The situation, as it stands at present, is that pony meat has not only been absent in griffon society for years, it’s actually been outlawed. In the few cases in which any piece of a pony’s body is discovered and deemed to be within the possession of another individual, having been consumed or not, it is treated as bodily desecration in a court of law.

S: [Audible sigh] Well, now that he’s gone, allow me to try and re-record this.

S: I, of course, meant no offense to you as a pony. You were merely preforming your job, as was described to you, and to the best of your ability, I’m sure. However, that does not alter the facts that lay before us. The very formation of the group you belonged to was a horrible idea, even for its time. It was unregulated and lead to a number of other, similar organizations as members came, went, and continued their work elsewhere. The repercussions of which are the subject that began this very dialog. It was a immeasurable breach of security and due to its goalless, unguided nature yielded little to nothing of practical value by its eventual and merciful closure.

S: It was a large expenditure at its time and a failure overall. By today’s standards, it was downright criminal (speaking from a legal position, of course). Tens of thousands of bits are spent annually to this day in efforts to recover the dangerous, inefficient, and sometimes incomplete spells produced and distributed during that time. I can only assume its founding and operation was a combination of misinformation and numerous oversights. However, that is not the subject of this discussion and I only add such a digression in direct reply to your notably defensive comment. I mean you no disrespect, but this was most certainly not “necessary at the time.”

S: As a potential legal witness, I’m going to pretend I never read that second paragraph, as there is very little contained within that is not incredibly illegal. It also does not touch upon the only subject I requested information on; the act of entering. You only mentioned exiting during an automatically activated emergency (which, to me, sounds like a fire escape hazard for a single resident). At this particular moment, I’m lead to believe your residence was seized due to the contents found within, which would make it very difficult to overturn. As vague as you were, these are not things meant to be under the ownership of a single, unregulated individual in an isolated environment.

S: However, either before, during, or after his rather large, loud, and considerably vicious rant, B relayed that he still required some sort of timetable for this series of events. Did it happen a month ago? Possibly a year? Several years? He considered this of at least moderate importance from his tone. I had difficulty following his somewhat unexplored line-of-thinking, so I myself cannot explain exactly how or why this may be of value. But, regrettably, I would consider whatever he may have in mind your most likely chance of recovering your home at this particular juncture. My condolences in that regard.

S: “Spell Creation Team”? Why, Equestria hasn’t funded anything that bloated and directionless since-

B: Nevermind. Get on with it.

S: Right then. I’m afraid I will have to request further clarification if I’m to be of any assistance. You see, there are certain methods of home defense that are considered unsafe and excessive. If your residence possessed any such instance… there is little that can be done. If you are worried about the security of the structure, then you may indicate so and I will keep such a message from the public eye.

B: Alternately, I need to know when this happened, who exactly you contacted, and how you contacted them.

S: Alternately? Are you insinuating that one ideology is to be chosen over the-?

B: Just answer the questions and then you can get back to your political whatever.

S: As much a delight as ever, I see.

S: That certainly does not sound like proper procedure, but perhaps the answer lies in the question: How exactly was your front door not accessible via “normal methods”?

S: Further, did you ever contact Canterlot directly about this issue? I feel there’s a detail obscured somewhere in all of this.

S: Consider your letter already added to Canterlot’s research division’s equine resources. Though perhaps if you let me know where your interests lay, I may be able to save you some time. Some divisions are more exclusive than others and the application process can be somewhat lengthy due to the number of candidates.

S: I would require more specifics about what series of events brought about the seizing of your residence, as I do not ready possess access to any such file. Are you aware of it’s present use or is it vacant? Condemned perhaps?

Bon-Bon: There you go, all set up.

S: You have my gratitude, madam. First of all, thank you for your continued cooperation. Transporting operations will begin in the morning. Though I am not directly involved, I would estimate the relocation process concluding before the day’s end. The cargo will be handled swiftly, but with care.

S: Now then, different research teams are compensated at different levels. Your field of study would be a greater determining factor then any other, and to that end I’m afraid I have no basis to measure. CUE is not directly involved and I am presently in communication with you as an intermediary, nothing more. If accepted among the initial applicants, which in all likelihood you would be, then you would have the opportunity to ask any further questions to whichever individual team is interviewing you. I can assure you, however, that as a government position the benefits would be substantial.

S: Regarding the Celestial Unified Elite as an organization, I am not particularly comfortable with the level of transparency that has already been established. Of course, I understand the apprehension that some may feel at the notion of a government body keeping secrets from the public. But one must never forget that knowledge, as a tool, may be used as a weapon. And as defenders of this nation it is a priority to keep weapons out of the reach of those under trained, or undisciplined, to properly handle them.

S: Let me see here…

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S: My apologies. I am known simply as S, or occasionally as Snake. While I appreciate your compliments, I believe the entire situation here has been grossly misunderstood. Not your fault, of course. The two individuals you spoke with previously were ill-informed and I would like to apologize on their behalf. As such, and as a sign of goodwill, I would like to freeze any action regarding the texts until we’ve managed to come to an understanding.

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1) No… I mean, I don’t even have… Or… Does hearing and seeing things…? Are flashbacks hallucinations?

2) Bon-Bon: Are you kidding? I make candy!

Lyra: She mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.

3) Lyra: And then you just speak into it. It already recognizes your voice, I just have to tag it when you’re done.

S: Very well then. Black Strawberry, I believe it was. Lovely to make your acquaintance. I understand you’ve come upon quite a collection you’re willing to part with. Canterlot, Equestria, and the Princess herself appreciates your willingness in this matter. Now, first things first; make no attempt to transfer the books yourself. This would create a massive security issue on our end as far too many factors would be left unaccounted for. As security is our utmost priority that would be undesirable. A number of high ranking and trustworthy individuals will aid in the transport of your library beginning directly from your place of residence.

S: With that out of the way, due to the sheer size of the collection you have amassed, ordinary payment would be quite an insult to you. Regulations place a very concrete limitation on purchases between the royal family and any financial transactions wherein that which was purchased was not an explicitly commissioned service; or in other words, goods. Thus, we are pressed to come to an agreement on some other form of payment for the materials in question.

S: To that end, I would like to begin the transaction by asking what you would deem a suitable replacement for legal tender in our bartering process.

4) Things are fine, but I don’t get to see him a whole lot right now. He’s super busy working on his doctorate. But if there’s anything in this world I can wait for, it’s him.