Lyra: So then she said “Pfft!“ And I was all “Pfft? You can’t just end a story with pfft. You didn’t really just say pfft and walk away. So what did you-“

Blues: Don’t turn around- woah uh-oh.

Lyra: What are you-Discord is behind me isn’t he?

Blues: He hasn’t seen us yet- woah uh-oh.

[Extended Pause]

Blues: Alright, he’s gone.

Lyra: Phew… So anyway, I was all “What did you really say?“ And she said-

1) I have no idea what you’re talking about. By the way, don’t go back in time or you’ll destroy yourself.

2) Pete’s ZA?

3) Discord: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

4) Discord: Who? Me? She’s the one that started it.

Lyra: I did not! You overloaded my phone!

Discord: Such a short memory, Lyra? You know, there’s no winners in the blame game.

Lyra: Er…

5) I don’t like scary movies, as I’ve said before. So I rarely see any. But from the review I watched, I wouldn’t be against giving Suspiria a try. It looks amazing.

Discord! Parcel Post! Come on down! You’re the first two contestants on The O-T-P!

Oh Discord! What a wonderful guest you’ve brought with you to this gala I’m overseeing- ah haha! I will literally scalp you!

Well, seeing as I have no more questions, I guess I gotta end early again. Had a lot of ponies scheduled that never got to do anything. I’ll just address this one message.

Lyra: My speech recognition program has two settings. It either detects who is talking or it just writes down everything that’s said. Now first of all, I have to go in and manually program it to detect each new pony, which is a long, painful task. Doing that for every single pony is a chore and runs into time constraint issues, as most guests only have so long to be here. We already have to pick out the question, throw some ideas around about what would be a good set-up or-

Rarity: Be so ridiculous that… it’s just silly.

Lyra: Rehearse it, record it, usually several times. It would just be one more step we don’t have time for. Especially when some of these guests might not come back. The other reason is that some of the supposed “answerers” aren’t really here. Obviously I couldn’t really get Chrysalis from last year. And Sombra-

Rainbow Dash: Evaporated.

Princess Twilight Sparkle: Vaporized would be more accurate.

Lyra: I couldn’t get Trixie last year, but she did come this year. A. K. Yearling formally declined. Scooby Doo and Shaggy are completely out of the question, seeing as they’re cartoon characters-

Discord: [pirate accent] You’d best start believin’ in cartoon characters…

Lyra: … Right… Anyway… Actually I think I’m done. Thank you to everypony that participated, with special thanks to our princesses! Happy April Fools and regular updates will resume whenever I get a message!

Lyra: Tartarus would have been too good for you, Discord!

Discord: Oh, you’re really just making this so much more difficult for me.

B: Argh!

???: They do grow them strong these days, don’t they?

Lyra: NO! Let him go! [Gasp]

[Crash]

Discord: Well, that seemed a tad unnecessary.

???: Hmph.

[Fading footsteps]

Lyra: Discord… Why…?

Discord: Please. You ponies were just using me.

Lyra: He’s using you… When he’s done… He’ll…

Discord: He’ll what? Cook me some fried squash? … Lyra? …

[Recording timed-out]

1) Shapeshifters aren’t a race; they’re a loose collection of unclassifiable ani-… Can’t even call them animals because some share characteristics closer to other kingdoms or even domains.

It’s not about a species, it’s about power. Shapeshifters don’t have to work for their power; they’re born with it. It’s easy to them. Even Twilight Sparkle or Rainbow Dash had to train for years to reach where they are now, and they’re far from peaked. Shapeshifters just can. Little to learn; requires no more training than walking. There’s nothing to harness, no muscle to build, and once they’ve got it, that’s it. Nothing more to learn, nothing to train, no reason to even practice.

And with this easily gained, already questionable ability… When you have to work for power, there’s at least a chance you might recognize what it was like before hoof and use it responsibly. Shapeshifters have no reason to care. Shifting isn’t even second nature to them. It is their nature. It’s too much power given too fast and too freely.

2) Of course not! What a silly thing to ask!

3) He didn’t shapeshift; he transformed with his reality altering “magic.” Magic in quotations because it isn’t technically magic, the same way five out of the six Elements of Harmony aren’t technically magic.

Shapeshifters are so called because they shift their genetic makeup to an approximation. They don’t literally become what they shift to; if they did they couldn’t turn back. Transforming is literally becoming something else. Unless you’re using time-limited magic or in possession of nigh-unlimited power, it’s permanent. Of course, these are just technical terms.

I don’t even know if Draconequus as a species had as much of, or any of the powers Discord has. They aren’t around anymore, if there ever even was more than one. Lots of rumors surround that.

4) Quick! Everypony become paranoid for the rest of eternity!

Is it any wonder why the public didn’t know about Changlings?

5) Sounds like you’re more of a fan of me than the music.

Don’t have many free days anymore. More of free evenings. Of which I am free this evening.

Answers after the break.

Keep reading

That’s the general opinion. And to be quite honest, after being tossed around in a giant washing machine for two hours, even if he did fix my broken leg, it’s my opinion as well.

But try to look at this from another perspective. Discord isn’t stupid. If he realized when he was released that failure to abide by mortal rules would result in the reinstatement of his previous punishment, do you really think he would have done what he did? He thought he was invincible!

And exactly what did he do? At its most base level, were his actions any different than Trixie’s or Gilda’s? Or what any given bully does? Do they deserve to be imprisoned in a chunk of rock for over a thousand years?

The only thing that made him a threat worthy of such a punishment were his powers, not his actions. If you actually think about it for more than a few seconds, you might just pity him. He’s just a childish creature with too much power to grow up.

However wrong his actions, Discord has no way of atoning for them while caged in rock. And he’s still conscious in there. Can you imagine how horrifying that existence must be?

Princess Celestia has to make some difficult decisions, both in the past and present. You think a utopian society is just built and maintained on sunshine and rainbows?

As for me? Well, if my past actions indicate anything, it’s not my heroism. If anything it’s closer to the opposite direction.