Lyra: I can’t believe you all liked that episode…

Blossomforth: What? It was good! Cocoon was there! He’s always great!
Lyra: Ugh! Cocoon is the worst villain in the show. Why does everycreature like him?
Blossomforth: He’s devious and sneaky and dangerous and… he looks cool! He doesn’t just fight the heroes, he tricks them!

Raindrops: The doppelgangers were pretty cool.

Lyra: The doppelgangers were pretty cool-
Blossomforth: Cocoon made them!
Lyra: How?! Where was this skill acquired? And why was it never used until now?! Nevermind how much of a waste it all was. That plot thread went no where!
Blossomforth: He needed to find the source of the heroes’ powers!
Lyra: Which never would have worked if the heroes were acting like themselves! The writers could have done anything to fill in that gap, but instead they introduced these six doubles and dumbed down even Twain and Jacob just so everything would “work out”. Just like always! Every time Cocoon shows up the heroes act like lunatics! [Pause] No offense.

Princess Luna: We shall not feign that no injury was incurred.

Lyra: Sorry…

Princess Luna: You are forgiven.

Raindrops: Did… you watch the episode, your highness?

Princess Luna: Indeed. We found the plot structure to be rather juvenile, but resigned that the objective was comedy. And in that regard, believe a moderate success was enjoyed.

Bon-Bon: Kinda weird not being the only adult in the room for a change…

Lyra: Alright, you ready?

Bon-Bon: Not… really. How are you supposed to hold this thing?
Lyra: Like this!

Bon-Bon: Oh, okay.

Lyra: Alright, so these two are your attack buttons.

Bon-Bon: What’s the difference?

Lyra: This is for your basic attacks and this is for your specials. You press this one a bunch to do your basic combo, but you can press this one in the middle of a combo to do a special move. You can also just press it whenever, usually to activate some character-specific gimmick. Oh! But sometimes you have to press it a bunch too. Both by itself and in the middle of a combo. And other times you’ll press it once, and then mash the basic one. Then you press this button to dodge, but hold it to dodge and then go into a sprint. Then you have this button that activates your super special move, if you have a full meter. I usually use it to counter an enemy if-
Bon-Bon: W-which meter?

Lyra: This one! But each notch represents a separate charge for use. Then you just have your secondary weapons, your spirit focus, your lock-on, and your block button, and that’s-… Where you goin’? Bon-Bon! It’s a simple button-masher, I swear! [Pause] Ugh. Alright, Liza.

Tootsie: You know my conditions.

Lyra: Bu… but I want to play as Sheik for once!

Tootsie: You can be Toon Link.

Lyra: Blugh!

Lyra: He… [Shutter] He was an undercover guard… When I turned him in, I blew his cover. There were tons of arrests, but he said he had almost traced the source… And I ruined everything…

Bon-Bon: Lyra… I…

Lyra: He was furious. Said he never loved me. That it was all part of the act. That he secretly hated me. I don’t know how much of it was true and how much was just anger, but it hurt… It… It never stopped hurting. [Pause] And I failed. I failed Princess Celestia again. Took another 6 months before they stopped the drug trade, and however many ponies died along the away. Because of me.

Bon-Bon: It… It wasn’t your…

Lyra: After that was when I got the job working on the castle grounds… Sometimes I wondered if it was just to keep me out of the way.
Bon-Bon: Princess Celestia wouldn’t… She couldn’t have blamed you.

Lyra: I spent all my bits getting drunk. I wanted to forget everything. Everything that happened; everything I was- If I could… If I could just be somepony else… It didn’t work…

Bon-Bon: That was when…

Lyra: I’m still alive, but I can’t speak to her. I don’t deserve to. Any social event she’s at I make it a point to avoid her. Whenever I’m involved I just make things worse for her…

Bon-Bon: And how do you think that makes her feel? Avoiding her, I mean.

Lyra: Relieved?
Bon-Bon: Relieved… Does that sound like Princess Celestia? Look, I can’t speak on behalf of the princess… but I’m gonna! Princess Celestia loves you! You may not have believed in yourself, but all those things you said to that imposter were true. I’m sorry about what happened, but I can’t believe you allowed this to stand between you two! You need to reunite. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but this… This can’t end like this. And I know she wouldn’t want it to…

Bon-Bon: Hey, Lyra.

[Pause]

Lyra: Hey, Bon-Bon.

Bon-Bon: We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.

[Pause]

Lyra: So… How was the play?

Bon-Bon: I didn’t go. I caught Raindrops after the show. She said Princess Celestia wasn’t even in it. She was behind-the-scenes working stage direction. Said it was good, though.

Lyra: I’m sorry…

Bon-Bon: Raindrops is the one you should be apologizing to. You never promised me you were going to be there. [Pause] I get it. It’s one of those “complicated things”. No use in even asking, so I won’t.

Lyra: I just… I don’t deserve to be around her…

Bon-Bon: Why? Princess Celestia raises the sun for everypony, not just you.

Lyra: It’s not the same.

Bon-Bon: Why? Without her none of us would be here. All of us owe our lives to her, not just you.

Lyra: It’s more personal than that.

Bon-Bon: Why? Because she gave you a place to stay? Your actions contributed to the eventual end of the gangs in Canterlot! You can’t seriously believe you owe anything! You spoke out and turned in your own coltfriend! [Long Pause] That was another lie… wasn’t it?

Lyra: Welp! Here it is, Drops!
Raindrops: Please don’t call me that.

Lyra: Here it is, Rains!

Raindrops: Oh my. That’s disturbing.

Lyra: Yeah, definite changeling error. But thankfully it was just a reformed changeling trying to blend in. Funny enough, there was also an alicorn operating landing lights at the airport. Didn’t get a picture of that one, but another false alarm.

Raindrops: I see. Is this why you left so suddenly?

Bon-Bon/Lyra: No!

Bon-Bon: We were just-
Lyra: It was a-

Lyra: Contest!
Bon-Bon: Vaca- Yes! Contest!

Raindrops: Ah-kay. At first I thought maybe it was ‘cause of your birthday.

Bon-Bon: It was!
Lyra: Yes!
Bon-Bon: Birthday Contest!
Lyra: Grand prize!
Bon-Bon: All expenses paid!
Lyra: Just not for very long!
Bon-Bon/Lyra: Haha!

Raindrops: Oh… Ah-kay.

Bon-Bon: So then I said, “No no. Oatmeal is completely normal.“

Lyra: Uh huh.

Bon-Bon: She argued for a bit about whether or not that would make it a muffin, but once I explained that you could still put icing on it she seemed to reluctantly accept.

Lyra: Greaaat…

Lyra: Oh, say Bon-Bon.

Bon-Bon: Mmhm.

Lyra: Remember that time Rainbow Dash flew in out of nowhere and ruined our souvenir photos while screaming like a mad mare?

Bon-Bon: Well, if I ever manage to forget we have the photos to remember it by.

Lyra: Nice of Rarity to invite us over for a fashion show, eh Bon-Bon?

Bon-Bon: Why are you talking like that? And I didn’t think it was her fashion show. I thought she was just participating.

Lyra: No, you’re right. Strange that she had to leave early.

Bon-Bon: Did she and her friends say anything as they left?

Lyra: I heard Rainbow Dash say something to Applejack. Something about, “Fluttershy taking a level in Pinkie Pie.“

Bon-Bon: Hmm. Cryptic.

Lyra: Sorry we got separated in the crowd.

Bon-Bon: It’s alright. Raindrops was with me.

Raindrops: Raindrops is still with you.

Bon-Bon: And we’re delighted to have you!

Lyra: Yeah! You should’ve told us you’d be there!

Ribbon: So… That new school of Twilight’s looks… lovely.

Lyra: Ugh… As if the castle wasn’t enough of an eyesore.

Ribbon: Well, at least it’s for a good cause.

Bon-Bon: Twilight had quite a bit of trouble getting the doors to stay open.

Ribbon: So I heard. It’s a shame how the EEA caused such a ruckus. Behavior like that is what starts conflict.

Lyra: Really? You’re one-hundred percent on board with an international school of friendship?

Ribbon: Hmm? Oh certainly. We’re lucky so many other nations are willing to participate.
Bon-Bon: Wait for it…
Ribbon: It’s the perfect opportunity to elevate these other species away from their antiquated traditions.
Bon-Bon: There it is.
Ribbon: Did you know Hippogriffs don’t even have a standardized currency? An established society like theirs? You’d only expect something so backwards from Yaks or Dragons.

Bon-Bon: It continuously amazes me how you can manage to be in the right, yet do so for all the wrong reasons.

Ribbon: Oh dear Bonnie. If you didn’t come to the same, financially-profitable conclusion you’re simply not being creative enough.

Lyra: That Maud Pie sure was… somethin’ else! I mean, Pinkie had said so much about her “humor”, but it really… uh… pales in comparis-
Bon-Bon: Are we seriously going to trot around how incredibly uncomfortable that was?
Lyra: Oh thank Celestia you said it instead of me. You are an Earth Pony, so I didn’t-
Bon-Bon: No, that was weird.
Lyra: Okay good! What the heck?! Was the joke supposed to be that it wasn’t funny? ‘Cause it wasn’t funny!
Bon-Bon: I mean, it’s not like I have wings or magic to lift things with. Of course I have to walk everywhere and use my mouth. There’s no other timely way to accomplish day-to-day tasks.
Lyra: Right? And it must taste awful too. It’d be impossible to never touch anything with your tongue.

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: This is not an open forum to discuss-
Lyra: Yes! NO! I’m so sorry! I-I’m just trying to be sensitive and-and-
Bon-Bon: Well stop it! Earth Ponies are a proud race and we’ve never needed extra consideration. Our Equestrian society may have developed in a direction that doesn’t glorify the use of Earth Pony magic, but it’s still there! I use it everyday!

Lyra: Yes! I’m sorry! I-
Bon-Bon: Stop! Being! Sorry!

[Pause]

Lyra: Okay…

[Long Pause]

Lyra: The rock jokes were funny though, right?
Bon-Bon: Oh yes! That was hilarious!

Lyra: Well that blew chucks.

Bon-Bon: Yes. Being held captive for 3 days isn’t what I would call “fun“.

Lyra: It’s a good thing for them that Twilight and her friends came back. ‘Cause I was about to give each and every one of those ogres a left… and a right!

Bon-Bon: Right…

Lyra: And a left.

Bon-Bon: Fantasies aside, that might have been the worst things have ever gotten.

Lyra: Nah. Discord was still out there, so even Tirek had him beat. And Chrysalis 2: Electric Boogaloo actually managed to capture all 4 princess and get away. It took Emo Backstory and The B Cast to save the day that time, with a little help from us. I’d rate Storm Drain right around a Nightmare Moon; lot of flash, not a lot of substance.

Bon-Bon: … You are so full of crap it’s dripping out of your ears.
Lyra: Heh.

Bon-Bon: I am starting to get a little worried though. I mean, these attacks seem to be happening more and more frequently. Where are we now? Bi-yearly plots to overthrow Equestria?

Lyra: Well, among those that manage to get off the ground.

Bon-Bon: That makes it even worse.

Bon-Bon: You’re… not looking so hot.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: More nightmares?

Lyra: Yee.

Bon-Bon: Reoccurring nightmares?

Lyra: Uh-uh.

Bon-Bon: You… sometimes make Tumblr posts about new ones. Did you-?
Lyra: No.

Bon-Bon: That bad?

Lyra: And graphic.

Bon-Bon: Yeesh.

Lyra: Why am I like this? I never hear anypony else having nightmares all the time. Isn’t Luna supposed to be watching over the dreamscape or something? Are my nightmares not bad enough? Is it just me? Am I overreacting?

Bon-Bon: You’ve talked to her one-on-one half a dozen times. Why haven’t you ever asked?

Lyra: “Oh hey, Princess Luna! I wake up multiple times every night weeping from the ghastly visions my broken mind won’t stop producing. What, may I ask, the [omitted], your majesty?“

Bon-Bon: I’m sure you could think of a better way to word that.

Bon-Bon: Oh, I forgot to ask you yesterday. What kind of pie did Pinkie Pie give you?

Lyra: Apple.

Bon-Bon: Really?

Lyra: Yes. Why?

Bon-Bon: Well, I got an apple pie too.
Lyra: Hey! We got the same… Wait a minute. You got an apple pie? Not, oh say, chocolate fudge?

Bon-Bon: What a strange question. Are you accusing me of lying?

Lyra: No no. It’s just that Pinkie Pie made everypony their favorite pie. I thought yours was-
Bon-Bon: Chocolate fudge- I’m flattered you noticed. Upon reflection I believe you are right and it was a chocolate fudge pie. So then, your favorite pie is apple?

Lyra: Yes.

Bon-Bon: I see. I wonder how she makes apple pies for you. I’ll go ask Pinkie Pie how she makes hers.
Lyra: Go ahead.
Bon-Bon: Yes. I believe I’ll say “Pinkie Pie, how do you make Lyra’s favorite pie?“

Lyra: Wh- That’s a strange way to word that, isn’t it? You wouldn’t just ask how she makes apple pies?

Bon-Bon: What if she does something special for your apple pies? I’d like to know for your benefit, after all. [Pause] Or is there some even more specific way I should ask? [Pause] Maybe you have something you’d like to share?

[Pause]

Lyra: ALRIGHT IT WAS STRAWBERRY VANILLA CREAM!
Bon-Bon: I KNEW IT!

Bon-Bon: Uh… Hi. I went to use the bathroom and I saw your light on-
Lyra: Then why were you in the kitchen?

Bon-Bon: Alright… My fat flank rolled out of bed deliberately to get a snack. Happy?

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: So uh… Whatcha eatin’?

Lyra: Expired novelty gummies.

Bon-Bon: Ah… [Crinkle] September… of last year. Closer to hard candy than gummies these days.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: I got these for you, what, four Hearth’s Warmings back? I assumed by now you were just going to keep them.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: Having one of those introspective nights then. I guess I’ll leave-
Lyra: You don’t have to.

[Pause]

Lyra: You can stay, if you want.

Bon-Bon: Okay.

Lyra: Want a gummy?

Bon-Bon: Sure. Why not?

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: Huh. They start off hard, but then they slowly turn back to normal.

[Pause]

Lyra: Yeah…

Spike: And I promise you won’t hurt my feelings. I just need to know which one is better!

Lyra: [Gulp] Seriously, Spike? You tried to beat sweet potatoes with cauliflower?

Spike: Well, that was part of the contest…

Lyra: I mean, yeah, [Chew Smack] Twilight’s sweet potato muffins are a little doughy, but it’s sweet potato! [Gulp] You can’t beat sweet potato with-
Bon-Bon: The cauliflower bites are the superior dish.

Spike: [Gasp] Thanks Bon-Bon! Yeahoo!

[Pause]

Lyra: You just lied to a child.

Bon-Bon: Which of us has the chef’s palette? Besides, if somepony didn’t tell him he won I think he was going to get sick eating all those muffins.

Lyra: You just admitted your decision wasn’t impartial.

Bon-Bon: You’re just jealous I got a hug.

Lyra: You don’t even like hugs…