B: You still don’t get it, do you? They know who you are. They were watching you. They were the ones that took your house. They know what you can do and they can track you. Any ace-in-the-hole you could have provided is gone, if it ever safely existed.

B: This is not something one pony can solve.

Keep reading

1) I know, right? On my end it’s more like, “Yeah, I’m playing on the higher difficulty setting but, you know, it’s-it’s taking me a while to clear.” And this one time in particular-, “What are you even doing? 200 hours? And you’re only that far? I completely beat Disgaea in 80.” And I’m all like- da [omitted], dood? All I did was ask a question. Was that even called for?

2) Big enough that I don’t really care about it but have operational knowledge.

3) B: How and were I spend my limited free time is my business.

4) Well, I know Rarijack is. If Flutterdash is canon that would just leave Twipie. And I think we all know better than to ship Twipie.

As a disclaimer: this is a joke and I have no idea.

5) Well… It’s a group of unicorns who’s job is to offer their body and mind for six hours a day to a magical system that monitors vital signs for anomalies. They have no memory of anything they’ve witnessed, in order to maintain privacy.

But the story goes, they can tell the difference between a pony who’s upset about something from a pony who’s getting a rush from thinking about killing somepony. It’s why there’s so few premeditated murders in Equestria.

It’s been around for a while but after what happened in Canterlot it was expanded considerably. And after what happened with Cadance and the changlings they now monitor even the Princesses.

Okay, same deal as last year. These were the asks, there’s only two, but they’re pretty good. Sorry I don’t have more than this for the occasion.

If we came first, there must have been some kind of mass extinction. But wouldn’t humans have found a trace of us by now? And what about the sun and moon? On the other hoof, if humans came first where’s the evidence they should have left behind? Even if all the buildings are gone, where’s the subways- the landfills. Shouldn’t the atmosphere be littered with satellites?

I know it sounds like I’m arguing both for and against my own point here, but I’m just… I have this feeling something terrible is going to happen to one of us…

2) B pretty much covered that before. In fact, you were the one that asked about it! I was breaking into somepony’s house and he busted me.

That doesn’t exactly explain how we became friends, though. I guess I could try to cover that…

B: Try as in, dance around the subject? I thought the whole point of this was for you to tell it straight.

Alright, fine [omitted]. B caught me more than once. I [omitted] hated his smug [omitted]. Twice in a week? That kinda doesn’t work for me. So I begged and pleaded like I usually would in that case. Only… he took me up on the offer… And then again. Then things got weird…

B: Continuously catching and releasing a criminal based on a bribe isn’t exactly legal. So I changed the deal.

That was when I started to learn about how I could use amplification and manipulation for self-defense. B taught me. We sort of bonded over that experience. Eventually we stopped. We were never in any sort of real relationship, though.

It wound up saving my life. And, less than two years ago, I used it to save Krastos’ life.

1) You know? I don’t recall… Was something I played at a friend’s house. But then again I didn’t know there were games where being shot canceled reloading.

But it’s okay to not be that good at games. I’m not exactly “l33t” myself. As long as you’re having fun!

2) Your director’s an [omitted].

3) Now Strawberry, you knew good-and-well that B wasn’t going to accept anything you gave him. Why’d you even bother? Now I’ve had a basket of “not normal” fruit sitting in my room for four days that I’m not sure if I should be eating or not.

Also, I have no idea what you’re trying to explain there at the end. No mental image.

4) B: I continue to disagree.

—

Only got two Tell: asks. If you still want to send one, I’ll try to squeeze it in.

Big question with a big answer after the break. Lots of information, though!

Keep reading

B: Consider your residence back under your ownership. Any animals that were once there are not any longer. No traces of any chemicals were recovered either. No obvious structural damage was reported, but if you find any it will not be covered by the Equestrian government as you were not a taxpaying citizen at the time of the incident.

B: You are not to be found in the sole possession of any unapproved creatures from this day forward. You are not to be found in the sole possession of any unapproved chemicals from this day forward. No structure under your ownership is to be found trapped or enchanted from this day forward. You are not to be found preforming magical experiments outside of designated, government-funded facilities from this day forward.

B: I can reveal very little about the operation and it’s results. Something happened, which resulted in something happening. The building and it’s surrounding area are now considered safe for entry. I would recommend, however, that you choose to live in a more populated area for safety’s sake. But that is legally up to you.

B: Consider S’s part in this over. No one ever looked into your report. Your claim was dismissed because your house was never confiscated. No one from Canterlot even knew it existed.

B: You are to tell me where you lived, and you are to maintain a vast distance from the location. I repeat with the authority of Princess Celestia herself, you are not to engage.

Listen to him, Strawberry. There are things that-

B: Not another word.

…

S: “Spell Creation Team”? Why, Equestria hasn’t funded anything that bloated and directionless since-

B: Nevermind. Get on with it.

S: Right then. I’m afraid I will have to request further clarification if I’m to be of any assistance. You see, there are certain methods of home defense that are considered unsafe and excessive. If your residence possessed any such instance… there is little that can be done. If you are worried about the security of the structure, then you may indicate so and I will keep such a message from the public eye.

B: Alternately, I need to know when this happened, who exactly you contacted, and how you contacted them.

S: Alternately? Are you insinuating that one ideology is to be chosen over the-?

B: Just answer the questions and then you can get back to your political whatever.

S: As much a delight as ever, I see.

1) Bon-Bon: Of course it’s upsetting and of course everypony has every reason to think less of her for it. But it doesn’t change her as a cook. It’s okay to like somepony’s ability to do a job without liking who they are, and the other way around too.

Bon-Bon: Now, if you’re boycotting something, that’s different. That’s saying, “It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, this is not acceptable past, present, or future.”

Lyra: I feel that ponies get too attached to somepony they’ve never even met. Separate the job from the pony.

Bon-Bon: But no pony asked you. It’s specifically addressed to me.

Lyra: Yeah, but I’ve said some extremely hateful things in the past. Some of them I didn’t even know were hateful at the time! I’d be [omitted] if I lost my job over it.

2) In Snake’s defense, he’s usually involved in negotiations on a much larger scale. He brings his experience, which can make things more difficult, but also his leverage. He’s sort of involved as a favor, but he can get you more out of this than anypony else.

B: He’s also involved in negotiations with a number of other entities at any given time. I guarantee you are his lowest priority.

1) Oh look, another joker that assumes I am a reflection of their contrived, poorly thought-out headcanon. No no; I’m not upset. Just disappointed.

2) B: Without an appropriate punishment, there’s nothing to dissuade said party from reverting to their old ways. Not that any punishment is perfect, but outside of one-on-one trust-building situations, consequences are more effective than a lack-there-of.

3) Well… When you put it that way…

… It was his fault, though. He promised me. He said he was never going to get involved in the drug trade; said no pony was going to get hurt. He promised me and he lied.

1) Nothing happened! Though I will have to hold on to any questions intended for Bon-Bon for now. She’s not with me.

I’m sort of house-sitting for a friend in Canterlot. She went to a resort with a bunch of her friends, but she has two dogs that need looking after.

2) B: Maybe. But it does make them criminals.

3) I don’t think so, but I love it! I think it’s fantastic!

4) Well, where I am right now isn’t bad! I want to take some pictures of the flowers around her home at some point! There’s these beautiful blue ones outside the window of the guest bedroom I’m sleeping in!

1) B: What kind of officer of the law condones vigilantism?

Lyra: B…

B: I’m serious!

2) Well you already took my all my legs and my ears, so why not? I suppose you’ll be wanting my mind next?

3) My Mother was an Earthbound.

4) Sure! That’s how I answer questions! Still not as common as in your world, though. But hey! I even have a Manedroid smartphone!

1) It sounds like a flashback, other than the friend being there. That makes it sound like a hallucination. Unless the friend really was there but she blocked that part out. That makes it sound like a screenplay.

But I don’t know. I’ve never had anything like that. I’m alone with whatever’s happening in most of my flashbacks, even if others were there.

2) Is that what it’s called? I haven’t, but I know of a seapony that lives there.

3) B: C is Cat. The nicknames are all on the shorter side.

4) B: I don’t hate him. I don’t care enough to hate him. But all adventurers belong to the same collection of self-entitled drains on society. Individuals that don’t want to preform a task under scrutiny or by regulations. They don’t do anything that an organized group can’t do safer, faster, do so legally, and without hiding their findings from the government. They’d even be paid to do it. They just wouldn’t get to swipe historic artifacts or illegally practice banned magic.

5) That sounds like a good idea! I don’t know that he’s answering questions right now, though, given how busy he is. But feel free to send a message his way! I’m sure he’ll get to it eventually!

1) B: Why are you asking?

2) B: I don’t appreciate the notion of capital punishment. Death is not a punishment; it’s a necessary evil to remove those who refuse to reform. Dragons are usually the only ones that require such an unfortunate consequence. They have a tendency to refuse change or accept defeat.

B: There is a magical alternative, but it’s scarcely any better. If a subject cannot be rehabilitated or reeducated, circumstances sometimes make mental reprogramming an option. The subject’s identity is eliminated and replaced with a different one.

3) I have! And you’re right they do! I haven’t seen the show in a while, but I grew to love it!

4) What’s a jet?

5) Not that I mean to offend anypony, but it does sound somewhat juvenile. So much so that I’m left wondering about age. If they’re still in adolescence, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve known others that felt that way and gradually grew into a more broad tolerance, if not outright acceptance. If they have reached adulthood, well, technically it’s their decision. It’s not a bad decision. It doesn’t cause them physical harm. It might eliminate many opportunities for various relationships, but it’s their life.

Either way their outlook on “adult things” is not really any of your business, if it’s not hurting anypony.