…

Edit: Just warning everypony, lots of ponies have mentioned that his is very sad. So unless you’re really interested in my past, just skip this.

When I was a filly, I had a crush on a cute little colt. He was strong, athletic, but also kind and gentle. I spent every spare moment I could with him; he was perfect. I remember constantly asking him if I could be his fillyfriend. He eventually agreed, if only to get me to stop asking.

One day he told me about something he saw his brother doing with his fillyfriend, and asked me if I wanted to try it. I agreed…

It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know what we were doing. And it was… interesting. I think subconsciously I knew it was something we weren’t supposed to be doing, but that only made it exciting. At least at first.

But he started to… change after that. He became obsessed with it. I began to get uneasy about the whole thing. I started making up excuses, joining outside activities, studying, anything to avoid it. I eventually resorted to just running from him. It didn’t take him long to figure things out.

He snunk up on me. I struggled to get away, and that escalated into a full-blown fight. He threw me into a wall, that’s how I chipped my horn as a filly. At one point he even had me pinned down…

Somehow during the struggle, I ended up stabbing him in the side with my horn. He fell over and started bleeding really bad. Maybe the scariest part, was that I didn’t know if I should get help or leave him there.

In the end, Princess Celestia had the colt and his entire family relocated away from me. I didn’t understand why they moved instead of me at the time, but I was grateful.

Some time passed and I became a mare. Repeat scenario, met the perfect stallion, we start going out. But the more time I spent with him, the darker he seemed. We almost never went out during the day, and we’d always stick to the alleys, or inside warehouses, anywhere the Celestial Guard would never be. The ponies we hung out with always acted strange, and a lot of them carried things like bats around.

One night I went to meet him by a carriage, only he had forgotten he asked me to come. He told me to keep my mouth shut and to not tell anypony what I saw. I was scared; one look in his eyes and I wanted to gallop away. But there were several other stallions around, and I was fairly certain I wouldn’t get far.

A carriage pulled up and a number of ponies piled out. I stared at them in terror. All the earth ponies had bats or knives in their mouths. They marched toward us, with unicorns following behind; pegasus stayed back with the carriage.

I turned to say something, but all I saw were the stallions that stopped me from running forming a line of their own and marching to meet them. My coltfriend, who was a pegasus, stood with me by the carriage and watched.

One unicorn from each side carried a saddlebag. When the two sides approached one another, the unicorns removed their bags and walked ahead to meet. I squinted to make out what was happening, but I didn’t need to. I had already figured it out, I was just so terrified of it being true.

They both removed the contents of their respective bags. Their bag had a lot of money in it. And our bag…? I couldn’t help but gasp to myself.

Oh Celestia, it’s a drug deal. My coltfriend turned to look at me, to look down at me. I must have said that aloud. He put his wing tip to his lips and shook his head. Those eyes…

Despite her heavy involvement in my life, I only actually spoke to Princess Celestia a few times growing up. After that night was one of them. I did my best to describe everypony there, but they all had tailcoats that covered their cutie marks. And in that light, almost everypony was just a black silhouette. The guards arrested my ex and I was told they’d do the best they could to round everypony else involved up.

Princess Celestia was proud of me for stepping forward, but she knew I was a dead mare if I stepped outside the castle grounds after that. That’s when I had to drop out of college, and was employed as a musician. I didn’t leave the castle grounds for a good while after that.

During that time was when I first met Blues… Well, first saw him. He and his band would stop by every now and again to perform. I tried my best to stay close and listen to him. I hung on his every word. It was just like before. Handsome, suave, and his voice was beautiful. In my eyes he could do no wrong. And that terrified me. I could have died last time.

Maybe my problem was that I was only attracted to guys that I thought were perfect. So, once it was deemed safe for me to wonder around Canterlot again, I went in another direction.

I went out with a professional soccer player. He seemed nice enough, and his friends were delightful. But he never really seemed that interested. He only seemed to want me around for one thing… At least that relationship ended without the guard being involved.

Then I realized what it all came down to… No guy ever really wanted me around… They just used me for one thing…

Right now, Blues is perfect. I know better than to think he’d put my life in danger, but I’m terrified. I’m terrified of what he might really be like. I want him to stay perfect. At least that way I can have somepony to admire…

Edit: I lied about my first coltfriend when I told this story. This is what really happened.