1) Oh.

They’re just regular ponies. They’re real guards, but they’re mostly there as a deterrent against heated exchanges or aggressive behavior.

2) I dunno. Twilight?

That is, maybe Twilight would know.

3) To be honest, this is probably the best Irish depiction of me I’ve ever seen. Usually they just draw me wearing that hat or one of those vest-suits. That’s not culturally accurate; fillies don’t wear those.

Of course, the heavy association with drinking is always a letdown.

4) Nice call back. If I wasn’t being insulted I might look for the last time this was brought up.

5) Well, Krastos and I have started jogging in the morning, but that’s not really for me. Even if I need it more.

6) Not all the time.

Also I miss Hyperbole and a Half.

1) Well, at least it’s different.

2) I haven’t. How much of the movies are even about boxing, as opposed to telling a story with drama and character development. Wouldn’t it be easier to just watch boxing?

3) Yeah. And Prince Albert’s in the can.

4) In the same way it’s creepy to casually read the obituaries or watch a sport just waiting for somepony to get injured or worse. You’re not directly hurting anypony, so there’s nothing wrong with it. But it’s still creepy-morbid and I’d rather not hear about it. Which is pretty much the summation of the creepy tag. Just things I didn’t need to know.

Also, the implication that our lives are just a television show.

5) That’s a strange sort of question. You wouldn’t live long enough to truly comprehend the answer if you did.

And you know I hate that word; it’s the only reason you used it. Stop.

6) Perspective. What appears right isn’t always right. What appears wrong isn’t always wrong. Righting every wrong would only be doing so from your personal perspective. With a limited pool of knowledge to pull from, it would cause untold harm.

7) Sometimes it’s good to take a break, even from something we love. Give it time.

Celestia [omitted]. I mean just [omitted] A, dude. Why in the [omitted] would you-? I mean, God!

Look. I don’t know what kind of upper limits you’ve been researching, but I’ve never come into contact with anything near that size! The width of something that long alone-… Death. No question.

I mean, Celestia [omitted]! What the [omitted] do you think our anatomy looks like?!

As far as the maximum on a bear? You can ask Krastos, but I wouldn’t hold your breath on an answer.

1) Eh… Well one does, depending on your applied definition.

2) Uh… Krastos might be interested in that line of thinking, but I don’t care for history.

3) Does Krastos even have a credit card? Does Equestria even have credit? Will you ever find out?

4) Okay.

I don’t understand what sort of rise you’re expecting to get out of me, like he’s anything more than some random human I just looked up.

5) To clarify, that is not why I said yes. Although every time I think about it I feel sort of sick.

6) How would I go about recording her murdering me?

Also wow. Was that message really from a week ago? I gotta catch up.

7) Yes, and you’d be a horrible boyfriend if you did.

But that’s not to say we couldn’t come to a more neutral compromise. Maybe we play Torchlight 2 together and maybe I decide I want to be brought to nearly the point of throwing up Cels I hate black beans. E~gh.

1) I’m not better than you. No pony is better than anypony else. I’ve just lived a more involving life. That’s not to say I choose to do so.

2) I don’t see it. If all you’re going by is color-scheme, you look like you’d be more related to a Kelpie. No offense, of course!

3) Okay.

Emotional abuse only works if you care about the pony it’s coming from. In other words-

4) Not much in Ponyville. I think everypony is used to seeing him around.

5) Would it not be whitewashing if it was only applied to video games? That’s discrimination.

Wait. Wait. I got another one. It would only be whitewashing if everypony was replaced with Rarity.

To be serious, there’s quite a difference between replacing a human with a pony, and changing the subject’s ethnicity. You can have a human that is both white and hispanic, but you can’t have an equine that is also a human. Humans are still so foreign to us. It’s just hard to relate.

6) Slavery takes all forms. You can be a slave to a system, a slave to desire, a slave to one’s work. I was a “forced employee.” My two primary job descriptions should be evident by this point. I wasn’t really allowed to go to school or anything. I just went. Hard to sneak around when ponies expect a filly to be in school, so there’s not much else I could do.

I stole some things from the schools from time to time, but there really wasn’t much of value there. Mostly food.

I did one last run in Organ Trail, just to see how fast I could make it. Unfortunately, I’m infected from last time so I couldn’t make the trip. And there’s no way I was letting Krastos go without me. So I asked my good friend Tote (NSFW but she draws!) if she could lead! And with sugar coursing through her veins and over 3000 units of food in the wagon- she did mash upon the gas pedal and cross the entire country in less than a week!

Sound was our rock and only got sick once, and only for one hour at that! Strawberry seemed to keep getting sick and the measles lasted for, like, ever before he finally got over it. Twilight “Danny” Sparkle got infected but other than that had no issues. On the other hoof, Kat (who seems to like every single one of my posts (she draws too!)) surviving was a miracle. She got sick, broke her arm, got infected, and then started showing signs of the G-Virus! Tote had to use a medkit on her every two hours and she actually ran out! The group stopped at the airport just before Oregon for about 12 hours to trade for more medkits and once back on the road Kat finally pulled through, but things were looking bleak for a while!

Also, I went back and linked everypony’s name back to their individual tumblrs. I’d do another run and bring some ponies I left out, but I’m sort of bored with this game now.

1) Who decides what constitutes being rich? Is wealth not worth working for? And if not, why ever strive for advancement?

No. I’m no fool. I’m just bitter because I’m poor.

2) I haven’t seen more than a clip or two but the answer is Freddie.

3) Okay. That means what to me?

4) …

5) Okay! Not that you’d be able to tell the difference, of course.

6) It’s not bad. Kermit’s just a whiner.

7) Elite guards? You mean CUE? Their job isn’t technically to protect the princess. It’s to protect the country. Most of the things they do are handled before the public ever knows about them.

I felt bad that Muted Grey died so I played again on hard mode, this time with Krastos in charge! Though we started off with dangerously low supplies, through Krastos’ shrewd trading and grueling pace we all made it!

Mr. Cake never even got sick and Muted Grey only got sick once, but Rainbow Scoots and I got infected. In fact, Rainbow Scoots got bit twice but I think that was just bad luck. We’re still okay, though! Never used a single medkit!

I beat Organ Trail!

Krastos, Bon-Bon and I all arrived unscathed. Unfortunately Fuselight must have stuck his wings out the window because he was infected. Still seemed okay, though. And sorry Muted Grey. You didn’t make it. It was my first time playing and you were sick and I wasn’t paying attention to your health. I’m so sorry.

Game took a lot longer than I was expecting, though.

1) Ninjas are just assassins. They’re ancient hitmares, nothing more. What would that accomplish and how would that allow me to retain any aspect of who I am? I’d be a completely different pony!

2) Nope. I skipped around but nothing ever happens. Bo~ri~ng!

3) Pretty sure it was Princess Cadance and Spike, with invaluable help from Twilight.

4) If this is a SSB game, sure. Just as well as anypony else with full health.

5) So you fight the good fight using asklyra.

• You hit the mutie on the head, 101.
• That sounds a little condescending. You don’t think there’s a good worth fighting for?
• [Intelligence 2] Eeeegh-aaaagh-reh-reh-reh-reh-reh!

6) Find me the full sheet music, with zero cost from my wallet, with complete lead and bass for the entire piece, and I’ll spend the month or two it’ll take to put it all together.

I see no reason to believe anything will change, especially not immediately.

I’ve yet to see any indication that she’s become anymore powerful than she already was. Not that flight is any small feat, but she could already self-levitate. Everypony in Ponyville already knew she was Princess Celestia’s student. If ever she called out, everypony in town already listened and was ready to act when necessary. It might seem different, but ask yourself what’s really changed.

The biggest adjustment for anypony to make will be for Twilight herself. Her personal identity has been altered. We’ve always known who Twilight was, even if only subconsciously. She’s the one that’ll need to come to terms with who and what she really is.

1) Why aren’t you afraid of- oh right… You used to climb trees…

Alright fine. You win. But I’ve been to Cloudsdale. We’ll see how brave you are once we’re so high above the clouds the ground looks like a dirty place-mat. I have an iron nerve.

… Unfortunately that will probably be the last nerve I have left…

2) Gilda? Not everypony that lives through hardship grows into a gentle lady.

3) Don’t know that a commentary on the subject would amount to much. It does whether we want it to or not.

4) That’s… disturbing… And on two different levels, no less! Congratu-creepy-lations!

5) Oh my Cels! Really?! Oh my goodness! Tell me all about it! What happened? Did you get hurt? Did you have to fight a southpaw? Are you a southpaw? What did you win? Do you still box? How do you train? Do you have a lot of boxing friends? Oh my goodness! I never thought I’d get to meet a human boxer before!

6) A-and I know that. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it. I just meant that I’m not really that familiar with Atlus as a developer, let alone the team that works on those games. Now as a distributor, of course. Any fan of SRPGs knows the name Atlus. They brought over Disgaea which single-hoofedly revived the entire genre!

7) It was a good day! Shame it has to be such a solemn anniversary, though.

1) There’s no Mardi Gras in our world because there’s no stigma agai- THERE ARE NO CROTCH-BOOBS!

2) Ordinarily no. But yes!

3) Four white mages? That’ll never work!

4) I haven’t. But I played Hunter: The Reckoning! That was fun!

5) That only happened in one of your daydreams after he walloped you in that one flash game.

Personally, I got as far as Tigger’s invisible ball and said forget it. The leveling up was cool, though!

6) Tea is good. I personally prefer sweet tea, but I drink other kinds with Krastos. I think he appreciates tea more than I do.

7) Get a steady job.

If you’d told me two years ago that Twilight Sparkle was going to become an alicorn, and somehow convinced me you were telling the truth, I’d have been irate. The notion that somepony born into a well-off family, with all the opportunity in the world and little hardship, would be rewarded with such a prestigious gift would have left me frothing at the mouth like a rabid animal.

I’ve watched Twilight for quite some time, wishing I had her life. That I could have been born with such potential. That surely I wouldn’t squander it with pointless study in mundane arts like turning an apple into an orange or growing facial hair.

But after all that I’ve witnessed, I’ve begun to understand that I’m not meant to hold such power. For all the magic at her disposal, Twilight has a level of restraint that can only be matched by an alicorn.  Were it me, I would have used it to right every wrong I’d ever witnessed. And I don’t think that would have ended too well.

Information on alicorns are a secret even I’ve never had access to. Maybe nothing’s really changed. Maybe Twilight always had the characteristics of an alicorn, just not the appearance. Maybe the spell she completed was the very spell that transformed her, and required a very specific series of circumstances and relationships. Maybe this isn’t the first time it’s happened, just the first time it’s happened this way.

I’ve digressed a bit, but what I’m trying to get to is that I’m happy for her. I still wish it were me; that I could have been given such a reward for the ordeals I overcame. I can’t help that. But she lived the majority of her life in near isolation and learned more about the magic of friendship in a very brief period of time, than anypony else has in their entire life. And that’s a trial I wouldn’t want to undertake.

So here’s to you, Princess Twilight! You deserve everything you’ve achieved and I can only look forward to what you’ll accomplish next!

Just don’t expect me to call you Princess very often.