1) Ouch… That’s a long time to have to wait consistently. And if I ever need to carry a bunch of stuff, we have a wagon.

I had the first one for over a year, the second one for close to a year, and then the patch for only a month or two. Oh! Did you know asksirlintalot messaged me after I switched to the patch he drew and asked if I wanted a custom one on a larger resolution? I was so taken back! I wanted to say yes, but I already had planned to switch to the fourth one (I had already seen the sketch), so I declined.

2) Yeah, I know I’m not supposed to [omitted] swear. We had a Celestia [omitted] swear jar briefly, but I threw that mother [omitted] piece of [omitted] out the Celestia [omitted] window after the first five [omitted] minutes. Because [omitted] that [omitted] in the [omitted] [omitted]. [Omitted] it up and down and on its face!

Oh, and this just makes me think of this.

3) Tootsie: She’s so cool! She’s smart! And a princess! And she fired a huge laser! It was all Bzz-Oooom! She saved everypony with her friends! And that’s why she lives in a castle now!

4) Uh… If you say so buddy.

No whining, Mr. Bbz.

2) Pretty sure Tootsie never looked up to me to begin with.

3) Pfft. Like she’d ever bother checking this thing.

4) I am! Hell is a widely accepted mythological location! Just like Hel is both a location and an individual.

5) Clever stud.

I didn’t strike a nerve at some point, did I?

1) Golly. It’s almost like you think memes are a bad thing.

2) You don’t think it’s adorable?

3) An actual avatar. Designed to be an avatar. My old avatar was a cropped panel of a comic.

4) This would all sound a lot more genuine if you were even around back when I changed from my first avatar to my second. That was a huge leap in style and tone.

5) Well, as per your requirements, I don’t have nine thousand followers. I don’t get a hundred likes on a post in two minutes (or ever). I don’t get posts on tumblr pony confessions (thank Celestia). Basically nopony knows me. And I pretty much only get fanart from, like, three ponies. Most of it from you.

But I got all the rest of those things down pat!

6) Is that not typical school-age pony behavior?

sexxi-bbz:

llllllYLLLYRA!!! DID YOU JUST..

YOU..

YOU HAVE USED PROFANITY??!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

One day I need to take you to a bar so you can meet the real, not-running-a-tumblr-intended-for-all-ages, Lyra.

But no seriously I sent that dictionary. It cost like three bits. If you didn’t get it I’m gonna start roughing up some postal workers.

I have a new avatar done by The Great and Benevolent Fuselight to go along with the new header he also made me!

Also, here’s a gif of Bon-Bon’s hair color inverting, my hair growing longer, and the couch turning into Tootsie.

1) Ponies just hoping against hope, I guess.

Congratulations, though! I never got that far.

2) Tootsie: I like playing! And talking! And running! And jumping! And I probably ask too many questions, but I just want to know!

3) Since I have no intention of watching it, I watched a review. The guy didn’t care for it much (Caution: Strong language).

4) I sort of miss the old ponization that localization companies used to blindly enforce over here. I so wanted to headbutt that giant rat in the face with my horn.

Yes, but generally the added damage that the help provides will far outweigh the boss’s extra health.

Lyra: Well, we talked it over with her mother-

Bon-Bon: And with careful supervision-

Lyra: I’d like welcome the newest question answerer to AskLyra: Tootsie!

[Pause]

Lyra: I mean Liza!

Liza: Thank you! It’s an honor to officially join in!

Lyra: Looking at the screen though, you don’t think maybe I could just call you Tootsie on the computer, do you? Liza and Lyra look an awful-lot alike.

Tootsie?: Hmm… I’ll think about it.

1) Lyra: Well?

Bon-Bon: Eh.

Tootsie: PaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2) Me neither…

1) If you’ve having the same trouble I did (after I finally figured out how to kill the adds on a melee character), it’s with its headbutt. I could never I-frame through it head-on. I found that you have to run to one side and roll perpendicular to its charge.

If it makes you feel better, you have to solo it. So you’re not at any disadvantage playing offline.

2) Outside of concept art and a toy, I’ve only seen a side view. And… he looks okay to me. Splinter always looked a little weird live-action.

You know, I’m usually pretty cynical when it comes to “negative publicity” (that 9/11 poster was completely intentional to keep media coverage up, and that’s despicable), but I didn’t make that connection. It makes perfect sense, though.

3) Okay. Enjoy!

4) Um… No? … No~… No.

Sorry, Strawberry, but B really doesn’t like much of anypony. I mean, he only really tolerates Krastos. How do you even do that? How do you not like Krastos? He’s so nice!

…

5) Scientists can’t decide if this is due to increased humidity making the air feel heavier, or cold and dry weather making the air literally heavier.

Some believe it may even be the askbox’s vertical location, relative to sea level.

[Door open]

Ribbon: Oh.

Lyra: Nice to see you too.

Ribbon: Bon-Bon isn’t here?

Lyra: Not right now.

Ribbon: Well, I’m here for Tootsie.

Lyra: I figured. She’s cleaning up some toys.

Ribbon: I see.

[Lengthy pause]

Ribbon: So… How much time have you spent with my daughter?

Lyra: Little to none.

Ribbon: … Really?

Lyra: Ask her yourself.

Ribbon: I’m… Just a little surprised, is all.

Lyra: Believe it or not, I do try to adhere to your wishes regarding Tootsie. She’s your daughter; not mine. I’m not going to disobey you just for petty revenge.

Ribbon: That’s… very admirable of you.

Lyra: I still have a sense of honor. I still try to respect the opinions of others.

Ribbon: Valuable virtues to instill in future generations… I suppose my husband was right again.

Lyra: Listen. We’ve both said some things to each other that could probably have been worded better. If you’re willing to let all of this go, so am I.

Ribbon: … I’m… sorry.

Lyra: I’m sorry too. Hug?

Ribbon: Let’s just stick to cordial conversation and go from there.

Lyra: Fair enough.

Liza: I’m ready!

Ribbon: Oh, Tootsie! It’s good to see you again. Let us be off.

Liza: Bye, Lyra!

Lyra: Have a good one, Liza!

1) I’d have probably been more impressed if I hadn’t been with another player doing all that live.

Also, no. I mean, if you ever meet me in a relaxed, casual environment, you’ll quickly find that I talk a big game. But even I know better than to cross a dragon.

Finally, buy the Jester Gloves from Magerold in Iron Keep. And get the Nahr Alma Hood and Robe by killing Titchy Gren in Undead Purgatory. There’s more than one way to get the trousers.

2) You know what I think? I think she’s jealous. I think she believes that, because I’m poor, I don’t deserve what I have.

3) … We just… sort of fell out of touch…

4) Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash would probably be pleased. Rarity and Rose would probably kill you.

5) Lyra: Bon-Bon says he’s some kind of executive in some kind of wine company.

Bon-Bon: Chief, Lyra. Chief Executive Officer.

Lyra: … I’m not-

Bon-Bon: He owns the corporation!

1) Near as I can tell, in a regular run, you tend to get them all in close succession, with either Duke’s Dear Freja or The Rotten being the longest stretch between any two. So far, Old Iron King was my first on NG and NG+, and Duke’s Dear Freja was my last.

Since you’re strictly offline, make sure you’re using soul boosting equipment when clearing enemies. That’ll help loads.

2) In here? Here like where? Oh well. That doesn’t sound at all foreboding. I wouldn’t worry.

3) No. Noooooowah. No. I have no intention of fighting that thing ever again. At least not without fire defense of around 900 or so.

And while impressive, he’s using the Vanquisher’s Seal from the Company of Champions. He’s actually hitting really hard.

Ribbon: You can’t be serious! You’re going to risk Tootsie winding up like… like that?!

Lyra: For the record, this is why I hate you.

Champagne: Ribbon, you love me, don’t you?

Ribbon: Ugh. Yes, but-

Champagne: Would you love me as much if our marriage had been prearranged?

Ribbon: … Uh-

Champagne: If we force Tootsie into this, she will hate it and resent us for the rest of her life. I’m confident that she will make the right decision. And that decision will be whatever she chooses. It is our place to guide her to a better future; not drag her kicking and screaming.

Ribbon: I… suppose so.

Lyra: How adult of you.

Ribbon: You are still to stay away from my daughter!

Champagne: Ah yes. Lyra. How is that bear friend of yours?

Lyra: We… actually haven’t spoken in a while…

Bon-Bon: You never told me that…

Champagne: Sorry to hear. When last we spoke I believe you were working in early education. I found that somewhat strange, considering how… crass your language can become. You must have considerable control over your lexicon.

Lyra: Well, yes. Of course.

Champagne: Be sure to exercise that control when in my daughter’s presence.

Ribbon: No!

Lyra: Sir, yessir!

Ribbon: I will not allow that wretched thing near my daughter!

Champagne: Bon-Bon, my apologies for the brevity of this visit. We should gather again soon. Perhaps during the holidays?

Bon-Bon: Certainly!

Ribbon: Are you listening to me?!

Champagne: We will take our leave for now. Well wishes.

Lyra: Have a good one!

Bon-Bon: Take care!

Ribbon: Are you ignoring me?!

Champagne: Of course not, my dear. Shall we talk about it on the way home?

[Door close]

Lyra: … Wait a minute. Wasn’t this supposed to be about Ribbon treating you better?

Bon-Bon: Let it go.

Champagne: Tootsie, have a seat.

Liza: Yes sir.

Champagne: Let me make one thing perfectly clear. Your mother and I will not support you financially forever. We couldn’t if we wanted to. And we don’t. We have meticulously plotted out your course, from education to business owner; president of a major floral production corporation. You have a very bright future ahead of you. Your mother and I have assured that.

Liza: Yes sir…

Champagne: But… None of that amounts to anything if it’s not what you want.

Liza: S-sir?

Champagne: You will not abandon the path we have set for you. Not yet. There are opportunities available now that cannot be wasted by indecision. You will continue your studies, as we have assigned, until you graduate from high school. After that, the future is yours to decide. The only thing I require is that you stand on your own four hooves. I will not have my only daughter scraping to make ends meet. Do you understand… Liza?

Liza: Yes sir! Thank you, daddy!

Champagne: I love you. Now run along and play.

Bon-Bon: … Picking out the asks for today?

Lyra: Well, I was gonna, but somepony sent me a video. I should probably watch it first. It’s a video game, so…

Bon-Bon: Right. I’ll go get a snack or something.

Lyra: Hmm… Unarmed. Must be using that ring…

Bon-Bon: Oh Celestia, he’s here!

Lyra: What? Who’s-?

Bon-Bon: Tootsie’s father!

Lyra: What?! What do we-?

Bon-Bon: Hello! Champagne! Ribbon! It’s good to see you! Welcome! Ah…

Liza: D-dad?

Champagne: Bon-Bon, I would like to speak with my daughter alone.

Bon-Bon: Of course. Lyra, come on.

Lyra: But, he can’t- This is our-

Bon-Bon: And-he-could-buy-it. Move-your-hooves.

Champagne: Dear, that includes you.

Ribbon: W-What?

Champagne: I believe you’ve already had time to speak with Tootsie.

Ribbon: I-… Alright.

[Door closes]

Lyra: … By your own husband.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Ribbon: You are filth.

Lyra: Get out of the way.

Ribbon: What are you-? Are you eavesdropping with your phone?

Lyra: Voice recognition program. You don’t want to see what they’re saying?

Ribbon: … Scoot over.

lordexcess:

Farmer plays Royals on trombone, cows gather

He played until the cows came home!