1) B: She and I have come to a number of understandings over the years. Mostly I’d just rather her not be dead. I don’t have very many friends anymore. This job takes up most of my time and all of my identity.
B: Any outside friends or family I used to have think I died two years ago.
2) B: Stupidity like that is how I’ve become so jaded.
3) B: I have a difficult time grasping how you came to that conclusion.
4) B: What do you mean, the shapeshifter?
5) B: Must be some kind of computer code. I’m not that great with computers.
1) B: No.
2) B: I used to be a guard, yes. And B is code, right again. It doesn’t stand for anything, though. I am B because I replaced the last pony that was B, just as they replaced the last pony that was B. Every year a small portion retires and a few more are brought on.
3) B: And yet you receive it anyway. Police forces are the only reason gangs don’t go house-to-house busting down doors, taking whatever they want, and killing anypony inside they can’t use, whether they resist or not.
B: And if that’s bad news for you, if you’re a criminal yourself, the guard still protects you. We’re the only thing stopping some would-be vigilante from going out and planting one between your eyes for lifting their air conditioner.
4) B: She’ll get over it. I screw with her as a friend and she knows it.
B: We are employed by Princess Celestia. We work for Equestria.
B: Observe, communicate, report, and then take action if necessary.
B: And since that answer is short and boring, here’s a message Lyra had left in her inbox for some reason.
Lyra Edit: Nothing here.
1) B: Sure, sure. That parking ticket gets you real upset, until you’re the one that needs help.
2) B: You’ve misunderstood. Regular ponies that carry evil tendencies aren’t our concern. It’s the guard’s duty to maintain order and protect the princesses. Our job description is a little more narrow, but that focus is how we handle the larger threats.
B: But to directly address your question, Tartarus is a prison. Anything outside of Tartarus is a larger threat to worry about.
1) B: You step into Tartarus more than a few times and you start to see what evil looks like. You can see it in their eyes- in the way they move. And then you start to see it everywhere. Evil is a state of mind, and it’s a little too common, even now.
B: But generally we leave the darkness in the hearts of ponies to the guard. We have larger threats to worry about.
Lyra Edit: The nonsensical musings of a bitter, old stallion who thinks himself above the rest.
2) B: Human moves around like a robot.
B: Just sounds like a lot of noise to me, more so than most of the noise ponies call music. I’ll let Lyra see it when she gets back. I’m sure she’ll probably have some young, hip view point to impart.
Lyra Edit: Certainly not something I’d just sit and listen to, but I can see the appeal, yes.
1) B: I believe the whole point of Lyra leaving somepony else in charge of her blog was to allow her and the bear to have some time together. Wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense if he was the one answering for her, now would it?
B: You may refer to me as B. Or Bee of you feel like unnecessarily spelling something out for no reason.
2) B: Oh, that was a special occasion. We met in a dimly-lit, classy little alleyway where I dragged her, at the time, skinny little [omitted] out of an open window and arrested her for breaking-and-entering and attempted theft. She didn’t put up much of a struggle; I think I may have hurt her pride a little more than her tailbone from that landing. Oh, and imagine my surprise when I discovered she was a repeat offender.
Lyra Edit: I still remember your sweet, sweet eyes that evening. I wanted to tear them out of your skull.
1) B: Lyra isn’t here right now. But when she gets back Sunday evening, I’ll be sure to let her know that somepony asked her a question to which the answer could be readily found in a matter of seconds by looking at the author’s notes on the right side of her blog page.
B: I’ll even give you a link to follow.
2) B: I don’t know what this is. Lyra said if I got a message that looked like gibberish, it was probably a youtube link, but it’s not doing anything when I try tacking it on to the back of the url.
1) B: Slim, though the possibility does exist. As early as in a year or so, in fact. Somewhat recently a chief justice was married and subsequently asked why she took her husband’s last name. Her reply was very interesting, to the many present who were not aware. As a filly she was emancipated from her abusive parents and she choose to drop her last name to distance herself from them. Under current law, she had no alternative but to take her husband’s last name in order to marry. And to quote her, “Were my husband and I to have both retracted our surnames, marriage between us would have become a legal impossibility.” If you watch and listen to the video of the interview, you can easily hear somepony in the background quietly remark, “Well, that’s stupid.”
B: Every fire starts with a spark.
B: However, none of this is information Lyra doesn’t possess herself. But for her to accept this knowledge and willingly relay it to others would be accepting the possible repercussions it may one day carry. Our Lyra has never faired very well with the concept of hope. I assume I need not explain why.
2) B: Let’s see now… I believe it was: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and then Lyra would likely not finish the quote and offer some wholly unnecessary remark about sexism.
B: Ordinarily if an intelligent being comes to Equestria seeking citizenship, they’d go through immigration. Pretty simple process. Barred from holding any government sanctioned position for a year, and within that year they must prove they’ve integrated into Equestrian society and are able to pay the tax. After that they’re an Equestrian citizen, free to bask in all the rights and protections that offers until such time that they are either unable to continue or prove themselves unfit as a citizen.
B: However, due to the changlings’ unique talent, things become much more complicated. Being unable to tell who may or may not have been involved in an attack against our nation, all changlings would have to be considered ex-criminals. They would be assigned a probation officer and a rehabilitation/reintegration councilor. The process of rehabilitation and reeducation would last as long as necessary- possibly a year, possibly more. After proving they’re able to behave within Equestrian borders, the process to become a citizen could begin.
B: Of course, you don’t have to live in Equestria as a citizen. There’s nothing illegal about being unregistered and without a temporary visa. However, you’re prohibited from engaging in any government related activities, like voting or receiving a permit, and are not protected under Equestrian law. If you’re not a citizen and you get mugged in broad daylight with a hundred witnesses, you do not possess the right to press charges. Somepony else would have to do it for you.
Okay, these are the last ones from me for a few days. While I’m with Boscov this weekend, I figured it might do us some good if I left tumblr behind until we get back.
But don’t worry! I’ll have a friend answering questions in my absence. He’ll be the one answering that changling question for me. I would ask that you treat him with the same level of respect that you give me, but that would be stupid. So how about treating him with more respect than you give me?
See you ponies in a few days!
1) All I can think of is Grand Theft Carriage. I prefer games where you either help ponies, or you’re at least given a choice.
In City of Ponies, I have about as many hero/vigilantes as I do villain/rogues.
2) I wouldn’t consider myself a member of any fandoms, no. I like things like Deus Ex and Stable M.D., before it ended. But I don’t obsess over them and don’t really associate with others that do based solely on the fact that they’re fans.
3) Welcome to Moonside.
Wel come to moo nsi ns dem oons ide.
How about I sharpen you?
I just love sharpening.
You don’t want me to sharpen?
Sidem oonsi demoon. Welc welc omewelc omeome.
4) That doesn’t sound like a good idea.
5) Nah, but you go ahead.
I left one of the asks out of this rotation because I wouldn’t be able to adequately answer it. But I know somepony who can. So the changling question will be answered tomorrow.
1) Push comes to shove, I can scare one of those primal bears away by amplifying a loud sound.
2) I’ve heard it’s fantastic, but no, not yet. Will probably wait until it comes on television.
3) If you had to send me a good question, what would it be?
4) I must have missed something. I saw the preview of the movie where the zebra was dressed up like that, but evidently it went viral without me knowing. I’ve seen tumblr after tumblr reference it.
1) Oh, you did not just poor, unfortunate soul me!
Put (on) your… Old Gray Bonnet with the Blue Robbin on it…
2) Know who puts the U in ugly?
U
3) Have I ever slashed the wheels made of wood or metal? Can’t say the thought ever crossed my mind.
4) Okay. Go ahead.
5) You don’t just get hired for intelligence work. You have to serve for a long time so you can be trusted.
6) If that’s true then you’re going to have to invent a new word for what I did less than a week ago. Here’s what I learned: don’t drink and exercise out in the sun on an empty stomach.
7) Emotions. Fear is real. Sadness is real. Hate, jealousy, guilt… Happyness, accomplishment, Love. Even if what causes the emotion isn’t real, the feeling you felt certainly was. That’s what sticks with you. Even when the memory is blurry or gone, you remember the warmth of an embrace.
8) If you wanted to try camping out, I’ve slept on worse than dirt. But I can’t deny I’d rather have sturdy walls around me with a modern bathroom. Offer a little bit of privacy and protection. Wouldn’t the cabin cost a lot more, though?
9) That’s right, that whole magic sustenance thing. Sort of have plans this weekend. You’re free to hang out with me today.
10) Not if I can help it. I’m just a little adverse to the idea. But I can get used to a lot of things.
1) Can you stop asking after I say no for the third time?
2) I understand what you’re saying, but generally I’ve always seen responses like that used as a way to make the situation more lighthearted and less serious. That’s why you have Spiderman defying gravity or standing under a bunch of crates raining from the sky.
3) … What the [omitted] are you talking about? Granted, I don’t read much and I rarely watch dramas, but I have a great interest in both music and magic, which are both vast subjects. I don’t claim to know everything about either, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested.
I’m sorry I don’t read monga or watch the anime’s you like. But I do read the newspaper.
4) There’s no such things as curses.
5) I’ve watched a few scenes, but no, I’ve never seen the whole thing. I don’t think I’d be able to sit through it.
6) Greasel. Of course, I’d rather have a gray as a friend, if it was an option.
7) I’ve answered this more than once. I was never paid.
8) You’re ponying up the wrong smurf. I don’t have the pony to smurf how ponies smurf.
9) Then it doesn’t matter if you’re a changling or not.
1) No, I don’t still do it.
2) Well, I had a job that I thought was a call response team that the employer lied about and turned out to really be door-to-door selling a security system. Nothing after I quit but a few substitute aid positions.
Not that I find myself above going door-to-door, I’m just not the kind of pony you’d want to buy something from. Especially in Canterlot.
I’ll work the last four days of Manehatten’s school system. They start and end a little later in the year than most schools.
Other than that, I’m still helping out Boscov now and again.
3) I’d like to see that scientific report. With its sources. Particularly it’s method of measuring selfishness.
4) He’ll tell me about a book and I may comment upon it, but that’s about the extent of it. I just don’t read books for leisure.
5) No. Can’t say I’d ever want to either.
6) That may be how you grieve. Not everypony cries over losing somepony.
Make sure you keep eating, though. And rest. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.
7) It’s either black or white with you folks, isn’t it?
8) No offense to our friend Twilight, but I’ve had a little more experience than her. It’s a little bit easier to take other pony’s feelings into consideration when you’ve dealt with them more.
9) As funny as a funeral. Literally.
