1) Sounds like the plotline to an overrated narrative that’s influenced wa~y too many works over the years.

2) [This space left intentionally blank.]

3) That would be infinitely more annoying as the constant break and reestablishment of contact would be physically jarring.

4) Who would that make me, Lyra Bird?

5) Have you read this tumblr? If I knew the key to success I’d be doing it!

6) Wee-Woo! Wee-Woo! Wee-Woo! WA~H!

1) I wouldn’t know. I’m a lady, and a lady doesn’t pick her nose. How uncouth.

/Scrunchy-Face

2) Nope, that’s kangaroos.

3) They’re a group of the strongest magic-using mortals on the planet. Did you expect them to be sheep?

4) Thanks, Sonic! But now there’s a big black cloud over Hilltop Village!

5) Then it’s not a mountain, it’s a plateau.

6) Nope. Those came after we discovered your world. If there’s one thing you humans have on us, it’s music. You’ve all but shaped our entire modern musical culture.

7) Gonna want to see a physician about that at some point. I’ve heard it’s fatal.

At least it’s not lyme disease.

Okay, before it’s no longer holiday season at all, I wanted to tell this story.

Back in Canterlot, during the time I worked as an ambonic musician, I came upon some friends playing a game. The game was called Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne. It looked incredible, so I bought a copy! I had over a hundred hours of fun with a truly challenging game. But when I moved to Ponyville, I lost my copy. I’d always intended to play through the game again, but money was tight so getting another copy was out-of-the-question.

Fast-forward to five days ago. Me opening up presents by myself because I was sick and everypony else was gone, and what do I find in a box labeled From Bon-Bon? Not only a brand new, unopened copy of Noctrune, the game I lost, but Digital Devil Sagas 1 and 2 as well! I was floored!

So this is me officially and publicly thanking Bon-Bon for a truly heartfelt and knowledgeable gift. Thanks, Bon-Bon! It’s awesome!

1) Humans live in an unfortunate, self-fulfilling situation in which your decisions in life are limited far more by finances than our own. And because they once were, they continue to be.

You’ve raised more livestock then the regions in which they exist can even sustain. When you kill and distribute them as meat, cheaply because of the sheer abundance, it fuels the industry to raise even more. Your global economy has created an inescapable cycle, one with a steep loss of energy in its transfer from produce to product.

I’ll never condone eating meat, but giving your life for an animal that’s fate was sealed before you ever even read this message isn’t going to change anything.

2) No. We’re not doing this again.

3) Thanks! Feeling better already!

Unfortunately Bon-Bon, Tootsie, and Sweetie are all sick.

4) Sure, but this isn’t about who you’d side with. Would you consider the other side “evil?” If a pony pushes another pony out of the way and calls them a name, are they “evil?” What if it’s a racial slur? If a pony robs from the rich just to try and survive, are they “evil?” Between two cultures with little in common, is “rich” anything more than an opinion? Where does “evil” begin? Is it in an action or is it a state of mind?

If you’re forced to kill me, are you evil? What if you secretly wanted to do it? Does that change anything? You had to do it anyway. Maybe you just told yourself you wanted to do it in order to defend your ideals of free will.

5) You know, that stuff you boil things in.

6) Historically true, but you don’t suppose that paranoia might have had something to do with the… you know… over a million Chinese civilians the Japanese forces slaughtered as they were being dictated what to do by their god emperor?

If not warranted or justified, you don’t suppose that maybe, for a second, the overreaction might have been… understandable?

See? Even your attempt to present unbiased history is biased.

Rarity, how in the actual Hell.

1) Well I’ve known Pinchy for quite some time. I’m been friends with Berry since I moved here. But more to the immediate point, I’m a substitute. Fillies and colts recognize me around town all the time and come talk to me.

2) I wonder if anypony has ever drawn fan art of Cheese from Foster’s and Da Cheese from Rocko’s Modern Life standing together.

Thanks though!

3) Look, just use the submit feature to send me a youtube link or something. Otherwise don’t get all bent out of shape if I don’t reply to your song lyrics the way you want.

4) No, that’s unsanitary. Just regular nails.

5) W-What? I’m pretty sure she isn’t. During their reunion a few ponies came by to help them raise a barn, Bon-Bon as one of them. But those ponies weren’t in the family photo because they aren’t in the family.

I don’t remember why I couldn’t make it.

6) My initial reaction is to kill the clown, but the thought occurs to me that I have no dire need to leave. Sounds like a party to me!

That’s why you’re still in Beta, silly goose.

1) Alright! Alright! I’m a mare!

Cels…

2) Well, what else would I do?

3) I went to one of Boscov’s once. I think I’ve been to one or two others before. Obviously not for my family.

4) I know what you’re talking about. They only look and smell like fruit as camouflage. They’re still fleshy, meaty animals.

5) Technically.

6) I decline. Like anypony would be surprised.

7) No, but I ably abscond.

1) That sounds like the worst idea.

2) I dunno. Looks a little too complicated. Too many steps.

3) No.

4) ‘Kay bye!

5) Nope. Because I’m not obsessed with humans. Nor am I that good at thinking up lyrics.

6) How mnemonic. Too bad it’s such a terrible one.

7) I think you already did this joke, whatever it’s supposed to be referencing.

1) I could maybe see for recreational purposes, but that’s one expensive toy.

2) I could be! But I’m not… It’s hard to type and dance at the same time.

3) Unaware? Why do you think it didn’t spread? Do you have any idea how much worse it could have been? What do you think caused it to end? Though it doesn’t seem like you know much of anything on the subject.

If it’s any consolation, the ultimate implications of the acts in question aren’t hidden. Be pretty hard to hide border’s between two countries being closed.

4) Heh heh, Big McLargehooves.

Eh-But I dunno. We’ve never spoke.

5) Okie dokie. Not exactly something I’d ever call a group of ponies.

I tried to find what a group of humans are called, but couldn’t find anything that wasn’t referring to a societarian collection of individuals.

6) You have to be a unicorn with a massive magical affinity and serve for several years in a regular branch of the guard. Then you have to be hoof chosen; there are no auditions. If you accept you serve for 5 years and then retire. When it’s over you can never work in any branch of the guard ever again.

Oh yeah, and if you accept you’re considered deceased. Even after you retire no pony can ever know who you once were.

1) I need a break from reality.

2) I’m sorry. I went back several posts to try and find what you’re talking about and I got nothin’.

3) I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked to do this joke. I like this variation, though.

4) I can’t. Music copyright laws are really strict here. Only reason I could do Love is in Bloom is because it’s public domain.

5) Is that like a Sacrier?

6) I won’t.

7) I wouldn’t be too concerned unless s/he starts jumping.

By the by, if anypony is feeling Hearth’s Warming-y still, I made this last year for Boscov (and almost no pony else listened to it).

Enjoy!

1) No no no, didn’t you see the anon from before? My butt is a mountain.

2) And I’ll get to play that soon! I’m excited! I got tons of great stuff this year!

3) No~.

4) There’s no reliable answer. Griffons say they did it; dragons say they did it. Both with outlandish explanations that can’t be proven. And even if true, who did it before them? We know that the planet used to have a balanced day/night cycle on it’s own, but while we don’t know how long ago that stopped, we know it would take a long time to slow down.

5) This is terrible, but I’m still trying to figure that out. I know what to get Krastos, but I still don’t know what to get Sweetie, Tootsie, or Bon-Bon. Hopefully as I get better I’ll be able to think straight for once.

6) Old question, but as a reminder it’s Roboplus. Don’t just send me a random invite, though. Let me know who you are.

7) Mint! Hey! Good to hear from you! How are you? Sorry we never got to play City of Heroes again before it closed down.

1) Thanks for the gift! I always wanted to try Bastion!

2) Thanks! Unfortunately I can’t relax much. Even if I’m too sick to go now, I have to operate under the assumption I’ll be better by Friday, which means I gotta get ready!

3) I’d appreciate some sort of warning before hoof. For example, I would have declined the invite from York and Grey, but I recognized their Steam names as being theirs.

I don’t log on to it much right now, but feel free to yell at me if you see me on!

And I’ll be trying to catch up on all the backed up messages starting tomorrow. I might be finally getting better!

Sorry. Didn’t mean for things to get dire for you. I mulled it over and I’ll let everypony know my steam name.

I’m Roboplus on Steam (Like Robot where the t is a + wrote out, get it?)

As for coming over, to be frank my stomach is upset and I’m spending a little more time in the bathroom than I’d like. Not comfortable having company right now. Bon-Bon, Sweetie, and Tootsie will be back tomorrow evening. I’m sure they’d be delighted to welcome you over then!