Ask Lyra

Sep 17

heights-mixem asked: Haha ya know what The difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods is? Santa quits after three HOs! That is how you do a Santa Claus and Tiger Woods joke.

You got me. That’s much more streamlined!

Okay.

So Tiger Woods and Santa Claus met one day by chance while waiting their turn in divorce court. Tiger explains his situation, but is surprised to find that Santa Claus can relate, “That frosty [omitted] wants the kids, the company, the gnomes, everything! Right down to my iconic company suit!”

So, Tiger says, “I guess that’d make her a red silk wearing, white trim trippin’, HO HO HO!”

And as bad as that was, I’m rather proud of it, considering the stipulations.

soundoflonesomeness asked: Tell us a clean joke Auntie Lyra.

What did the machined rod say to the bolt?

Oh… Wait…

… Hold on! I can still salvage it!

…

…

Nothing, because they’re just made of metal!

…

diamondmint asked: Dear Lyra, How are things? I have been busy, and I have not really had the time to talk to you, but I wanted to drop you a line. How are things with Sweetie B elle? How is the leg, and how is everything else? Had a chance to find a nice colt yet? Anyways, hopefully I will see you around town soon. See ya. -Mint

Salut, Mint!

I’m sick and have only worked two days since the school year started thus far. Leg is still busted up, and Sweetie is okay. Some things going on there, but I’d rather not get into it publicly. I’ve begun dating Krastos, actually! He’s a really sweet guy…

I’ll try and get together with you when I get better.

Later on!

~Lyra

everpresentshades-blog asked: Oh my god I think that pun just gave me herpes.

No, I think herpes is the only thing that can give you herpes.

Anonymous asked: TWO WHITE CUPS AND I GOT THAT DRANK COULD BE PURPLE OR COULD BE PINK DEPENDING ON HOW YOU MIX THAT [expletive] MONEY TO BE GOT AND IMMA GET THAT [expletive]

[Audible sigh]

…

What are you expecting me to say exactly?

everpresentshades-blog asked: You know what always helped me when I was sick? Cough Drops and Sprite (because ginger ale is awful). Drop em in the soda and drink it like a shot.

Hmm…

That would make the cough drop last longer, but all I have are Colta-Colas…

Worth a shot!

Anonymous asked: The fireball

I’m sorry…

I was going to do a simple animation, but this sickness is killing my drive…

Anonymous asked: Hey Lyra, I just noticed you're the odd one out in at your house in a way. You see, BonBon, Sweetie Belle, and Tootsie are all similar in a way: sweets and treats. You see, BonBon is of course BonBon and has her cutie mark. SWEETIE Belle has her name and the fact she looks like a marshmallow. And Tootsie has the fact that if she started rolling, she would be a Tootsie Roll. You on the other hoof, can only really be connected to breath mints, which really aren't sweets and treats.

…

Alright…

I mean, I get where you’re going, but I don’t know why you left or what you intended to find.

A Whole Week? Sounds Good Apart From Having To Wait A Week. I Hate Having To Wait A Week For Things.

If you have a lot of confidence in your immunity system, you can come over right now. But you’ll probably get sick.

Anonymous asked: Lyra, give us a Hadouken!

I’m not that familiar with Street Fighter. Is that the spinning uppercut or the fireball?

everpresentshades-blog asked: Tell us a dirty joke Auntie Lyra.

No.

I have restraint, and this is public. You don’t say things like that in public.

unicyclistperiscopes asked: Lyra I Haven't Hung Out With You In Ages.When Are You Next Free? I Miss Your Dirty Jokes.

Shut up, there are kids that read this.

Hopefully I won’t be sick next weekend. Sound good?

letterstoapplebloom-blog-blog asked: Ah dont get it :C

letterstoapplebloom-blog-blog asked: Well if yer nose runs, ya just go and catch it!