Ask Lyra

Lyra: That Maud Pie sure was… somethin’ else! I mean, Pinkie had said so much about her “humor”, but it really… uh… pales in comparis-
Bon-Bon: Are we seriously going to trot around how incredibly uncomfortable that was?
Lyra: Oh thank Celestia you said it instead of me. You are an Earth Pony, so I didn’t-
Bon-Bon: No, that was weird.
Lyra: Okay good! What the heck?! Was the joke supposed to be that it wasn’t funny? ‘Cause it wasn’t funny!
Bon-Bon: I mean, it’s not like I have wings or magic to lift things with. Of course I have to walk everywhere and use my mouth. There’s no other timely way to accomplish day-to-day tasks.
Lyra: Right? And it must taste awful too. It’d be impossible to never touch anything with your tongue.

[Pause]

Bon-Bon: This is not an open forum to discuss-
Lyra: Yes! NO! I’m so sorry! I-I’m just trying to be sensitive and-and-
Bon-Bon: Well stop it! Earth Ponies are a proud race and we’ve never needed extra consideration. Our Equestrian society may have developed in a direction that doesn’t glorify the use of Earth Pony magic, but it’s still there! I use it everyday!

Lyra: Yes! I’m sorry! I-
Bon-Bon: Stop! Being! Sorry!

[Pause]

Lyra: Okay…

[Long Pause]

Lyra: The rock jokes were funny though, right?
Bon-Bon: Oh yes! That was hilarious!

Lyra: Well that blew chucks.

Bon-Bon: Yes. Being held captive for 3 days isn’t what I would call “fun“.

Lyra: It’s a good thing for them that Twilight and her friends came back. ‘Cause I was about to give each and every one of those ogres a left… and a right!

Bon-Bon: Right…

Lyra: And a left.

Bon-Bon: Fantasies aside, that might have been the worst things have ever gotten.

Lyra: Nah. Discord was still out there, so even Tirek had him beat. And Chrysalis 2: Electric Boogaloo actually managed to capture all 4 princess and get away. It took Emo Backstory and The B Cast to save the day that time, with a little help from us. I’d rate Storm Drain right around a Nightmare Moon; lot of flash, not a lot of substance.

Bon-Bon: … You are so full of crap it’s dripping out of your ears.
Lyra: Heh.

Bon-Bon: I am starting to get a little worried though. I mean, these attacks seem to be happening more and more frequently. Where are we now? Bi-yearly plots to overthrow Equestria?

Lyra: Well, among those that manage to get off the ground.

Bon-Bon: That makes it even worse.

Bon-Bon: You’re… not looking so hot.

Lyra: Mmm.

Bon-Bon: More nightmares?

Lyra: Yee.

Bon-Bon: Reoccurring nightmares?

Lyra: Uh-uh.

Bon-Bon: You… sometimes make Tumblr posts about new ones. Did you-?
Lyra: No.

Bon-Bon: That bad?

Lyra: And graphic.

Bon-Bon: Yeesh.

Lyra: Why am I like this? I never hear anypony else having nightmares all the time. Isn’t Luna supposed to be watching over the dreamscape or something? Are my nightmares not bad enough? Is it just me? Am I overreacting?

Bon-Bon: You’ve talked to her one-on-one half a dozen times. Why haven’t you ever asked?

Lyra: “Oh hey, Princess Luna! I wake up multiple times every night weeping from the ghastly visions my broken mind won’t stop producing. What, may I ask, the [omitted], your majesty?“

Bon-Bon: I’m sure you could think of a better way to word that.

Okay, so in this nightmare I’m a news anchor. Or I work on the show or something. Anyway this other news anchor died. Never explained who he was or how he died. I was upset, but the rest of the news team was trying to turn it into some big publicized thing. And I was angry. I wanted to take control of the news story and change how it was presented. And I did. But I lost traction or something and they got control back.

So we’re at the last segment and I was there in the back and they said something that really got under my skin and I walked out there and I mean I’m ready to deck a fool. But as I’m holding the guy’s chair back and about to lay one into his face, I realize that I wasn’t the only one who missed him and he wouldn’t have wanted this.

And it hits me just how much it hurts. It just hurts so much that he’s gone. And-and I stumble off set weeping and I just curl up in front of a door and cry and cry. And when I wake up… it still hurts. And it’s stupid. It wasn’t real, but I couldn’t make it stop hurting. So all I could do is lay there, struggling to hold back tears, just so I can go back to sleep.