Ask Lyra

1) What? Me? No. I mean, pfft. Right? I mean, I have a Rainbow Dash wig but so does everypony.

2) SonicxTails? Bleh. They’re so awful together. I mean, SonicxKnuckles I could kinda see, but Sonic and Tails only even seem to be friends by association.

First ship… Maybe NessxPaula? I mean, if I shipped something they were usually characters I made in games like Disgaea or Ogre Battle. That’s like, not even noncanon. That’s uncanon.

3) Pinkie Twi? It just doesn’t work. Ponies be all “Opposites attract!” No. No. You have to have a solid foundation. Common understanding of what is acceptable behavior. Pinkie just doesn’t have the patience for Twilight’s agenda. And Twilight isn’t willing enough to put off nonessential duty for fun. Bad pairing. Bad bad pairing. Ends in tears.

Also, I should stop talking about shipping ponies I know. Now that I hear myself talking, eh, kinda creeping myself out.

1) Oh yeah? Well…

2) Bon-Bon: No! She’s good! I don’t want her to think she’s bad! She knew a lot before she ever even came to me! But, if something does go wrong, it’s my business. Besides, that’s a lot of pressure to put on a young filly.

3) Well, most unicorns do at least some kind of magic. If you really want to travel down this road, I think the key might be to start looking through arcane textbooks and try to find out what the symbols that make up your cutie mark literally translate to.

4) I have no idea. Hanging out with other cultures?

1) Bon-Bon: What’s the worst that could happen to a small business owner with thin profit margins? I could lose my business. That’s a pretty strong possibility in my head.

2) He wouldn’t answer, so I went though my tags and found this post. That’s about as close as you’ll get, I guess.

3) Tattoo on your…? I don’t guess most adults talk about those so much.

That’s your cutie mark. Think of it like the physical manifestation of your special talent. The one thing that, in your mind and heart, you were meant to do. I’m not one to pay much attention myself, but the few times I’ve looked close it appears arcane in nature. Like a magic circle used in ancient ceremonies to… Well, most of the stories about those don’t end so well.

1) Did I say I hate adventurers? I don’t remember saying that. Strawberry is, or was, an adventurer and I don’t hate him.

B: I hate adventurers-

He loathes adventurers. But he’s not my roommate.

B: Allegedly.

Allegedly.

2) Lyra: An entire police force? I wouldn’t be cut out to be that either. What about making candy?

Bon-Bon: One apprentice is enough, thank you.

Lyra: Oh. What about gardening or farming? A name like Black Strawberry sort of sounds like a pony that deals with produce.

3) Bon-Bon: I can’t stay away from the shop that long. It has to be something short and to the point. There and back. A weekend. A few of days max.

Lyra: Apprentice not ready to run the shop yet?

Bon-Bon: She could sell things in my absence, but I wouldn’t trust her with my supplies to make more candy. At least, not yet.

1) I am acknowledging only that I’ve received this message. Also that you’re a chicken[omitted] for sending it anonymously.

2) Lyra: Yeah! That sounds good!.

Bon-Bon: As long as I don’t have to pull the wagon the whole way.

Lyra: We could take a train!

Bon-Bon: Or we could save a few bits and you could walk.

Lyra: Train it is! Now we just need to figure out where to… This is the same problem we started with. … I can see you rolling your eyes at me.

Bon-Bon: Good, because I’m not hiding it.

3) Electric bug-thing? Doesn’t sound familiar. You mean a firefly? Because I don’t think they can do that.

But that’s great! I mean, you already knew you worked for the government. But obviously knowing something and remembering something are two different things. Did you remember anything else?

1) Like… Like a bad trip or something? I don’t do drugs.

2) I was hoping for something a little more… you know… exciting.

3) Bon-Bon: And I was hoping for something where we could keep the house!

Lyra: I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that expensive?

Bon-Bon: Lyra…

Lyra: Okay okay. We’ll keep thinking about it.

Lyra: That’s a good question. It’s been a while now, hasn’t it?

Bon-Bon: In two months it’ll have been five years. And four years for your tumblr the month after that.

Lyra: Wow… That’s quite a while.

Bon-Bon: It is.

Lyra: We should do something!

Bon-Bon: Like what?

Lyra: Celebrate! Go somewhere! I don’t know. Got a little time to think about it, though.

Okay, so good game. Definitely worth the price. There were some issues, though. I’ll talk about it after the break.

Keep reading

1) Nah. I have a humansona! I made him for a 3.5e campaign!

2) Speaking of which. I’ve joined a group a bunch of times, but they all ended before they ever began. The one time we got far enough that I could fight I was a Minotaur Swordmage in 4e.

3) Well, according to Google, the definition is a bit more diverse and varied.

4) Do tools function independently of outside intervention?

Holy crap, Attack the Light is hard!

If you don’t get those timed defenses you’re going to get eaten!

Also there might be a slight input delay on my Kindle.

See, here’s my problem. Steven Universe is a very different show than, say, My Little Human. Steven Universe has very clear and concise rules, with a very limited cast, under which its world works. Even if you don’t know the reason behind something, because the show is told through Steven’s perspective, chances are there is one. And you’ll find out later. Maybe even dozens of episodes later!

My Little Human isn’t so stringent. If some information was omitted, it’s not usually because of a limited narrator or because it’ll be expanded on later. Most of the time, there just is no answer! It wasn’t necessary so nopony ever bothered to nail one down! And that’s where viewers can come in and fill in the blanks with their own imagination, without designating it as “alternate dimensions” or dreams.

One show allows for very plausible, viewer-created additions to fill in gaps left by the show. The other is just a show. No less a show, mind you, but more of a thing to be watched and experienced than one to be explored and immersed.

So… No. It can be fun looking at others’ Gemsonas, particularly their designs, but I don’t see a point in doing it myself.

1) Ah… Hmm… I’m gonna go with worse. For the betterment of society, specialization is needed to efficiently complete a task, both for yourself and others, which allows those others to similarly complete different tasks. When a society has everything it needs to sustain itself, it can advance and expand into new territories (both physically and technologically).

If I had to gather food and maintain a shelter and you had to gather food and maintain a shelter and Hopscotch had to gather food and maintain a shelter; it just doesn’t allow much time for anything else but focusing on survival.

2) No. No I think we can do for less of that.

3) You keep using words that are vague and open to interpretation. Depending on where you go, Tumblr is obscure. Is this website a cult? Specific forums can be very hard to find in the vastness of the internet. Is a small group of ten or so folks brought together because of a common appreciation for a video game a cult?

4) No, sorry. Greed can be a decent fall-back. “I do bad because I want nice thing.“ That’s what Ursula did, anyway.

But no, what you’re describing is a tool. Somepony trying too hard to be edgy and cool, and will just wind up being used by somepony else with greater ambitions.

Exhibit A.

I had a nightmare last night, which isn’t new, but in this one I lost a permanent tooth.

That is a new kind of terrifying.

1) Well, I suppose the most important thing is rationale; your reasoning for doing what is considered wrong. You can’t just go attacking ponies all wanton. You need a morally ambiguous goal or drive for your actions.

2) Is religion a cult? What about television and the internet? If you spend hours upon hours invested in an object, is that not worship? Is sleep a cult?

Disturbing is an awful subjective point-of-view, isn’t it?

3) A little light on the original part of OTP, but they have so much chemistry, don’t they?

4) Bon-Bon: I’d seen the ad on Lyra’s screen before, so I knew what he was talking about.

Somepony asked me today, in person mind you, who my OTP was.

And I had to pause for a moment, and act like I didn’t hear what they said. Because how do you explain to somepony that your OTP are a pair of rocks?

1) That’s a funny sort of question. What constitutes a cult? At what point does a repeated gathering become a cult?

2) Now I’m just angry! Why do my figures always have horrible manes! I mean they’re not horrible, but they do not work for me at all! Stop giving me Twilight’s mane! And Rarity’s? Really? Were you even trying?

And then I saw Octavia has her own molded with her double cello or whatever and I just closed the friggin’ window.

3) Bon-Bon: Because my parents are rich. That’s the sort of thing rich parents do. Less family togetherness time, more materialism. Love them both with all of my heart, of course, but I don’t intend to follow that path.

Well, seeing as I have no more questions, I guess I gotta end early again. Had a lot of ponies scheduled that never got to do anything. I’ll just address this one message.

Lyra: My speech recognition program has two settings. It either detects who is talking or it just writes down everything that’s said. Now first of all, I have to go in and manually program it to detect each new pony, which is a long, painful task. Doing that for every single pony is a chore and runs into time constraint issues, as most guests only have so long to be here. We already have to pick out the question, throw some ideas around about what would be a good set-up or-

Rarity: Be so ridiculous that… it’s just silly.

Lyra: Rehearse it, record it, usually several times. It would just be one more step we don’t have time for. Especially when some of these guests might not come back. The other reason is that some of the supposed “answerers” aren’t really here. Obviously I couldn’t really get Chrysalis from last year. And Sombra-

Rainbow Dash: Evaporated.

Princess Twilight Sparkle: Vaporized would be more accurate.

Lyra: I couldn’t get Trixie last year, but she did come this year. A. K. Yearling formally declined. Scooby Doo and Shaggy are completely out of the question, seeing as they’re cartoon characters-

Discord: [pirate accent] You’d best start believin’ in cartoon characters…

Lyra: … Right… Anyway… Actually I think I’m done. Thank you to everypony that participated, with special thanks to our princesses! Happy April Fools and regular updates will resume whenever I get a message!

I don’t… I don’t know for certain. I’m not sure what a BOFA exam is.

BOFA deez nuts.

… I… What?

BOFA deez nuts, darling.

Um… I… I must be misunderstanding.

Don’t worry about it, dear. Just a foalish prank.

Uh… Hmm… This must be one of those smart questions, right? Where the answer is, like, something to do with how the question is worded? Alright. I got this.

Rainbow Dash.

Don’t tell me! I got this!

Rainbow Dash.

I said hold on! I just need a minute! I read books! I’m smart now!

Rainbow Dash! I don’t think it’s a smart question. I think it’s supposed to be a joke. A corrupted amalgamation of two phrases.

… Amalgamation. Right. I was gonna say that.

Well that’s just super-duper A-OK in my book! The Cakes were getting worried the shipment wasn’t coming at all! But you have now reassured me, floating ball with just-deal-with-it shades! I’ll go tell the Cakes! Hmm hmmhmm hmmhmm hmmhmm.

… What’s a truck?

Scoob, like get a load of this.

Rou retter rot rep ron rour roes, runk.

Like, you tell ‘em, Scoob!

No.

No. You have it backwards. You’re placing emphasis on the wrong thing. It should be: “Comparing yourself to me? You’re not even good enough to be my fake,” Shadow the Hodghog brooded. If you’re just using a dialog tag you don’t want that at the start of your sentence. That’s boring. You’re leading with the wrong hoof.

If you’re describing something: an action, a facial feature- sure. Especially if it takes place before the speech. But dialog tags are just to eliminate any confusion with who’s talking. Even any kind of inflection is an afterthought. A means of not repeating “blank says” “blank said”.

Was I seriously dragged all the way out here for this? If I wanted to run a writer’s workshop I could be getting paid for it.

Oh hoho, I think it’s been a while since I’ve been there!

We’ve regrettably been without such a blessing. Upon our return there were many a lesson to be learned. And there is no rubric to the knowledge of a millennia’s passing.

I for one consider everyday to be a fantastic opportunity to learn!

Well, I have been tutored recently on how to properly receive a foreign dignitary.

Ah yes… The dreaded foreign dignitary. Advisory in a conflict with stakes too great to lose, but impossible to win.

I had no idea.

And I thought I was the only one stressing out over their visit!

Far be it, Cadance. There can be no “friendly visit” when it comes to foreign affairs. One must receive them warmly, and make every effort not to offend. But also demonstrate your might and inspire awe. Affirm your solidarity to allies, and establish your dominance to the ambitious. And all in tandem. For today’s comrade is tomorrow’s political rival. And if you’re lucky then… Are you transcribing our conversation?

Me? Oh, I’m taking notes! This is incredible information! A first-hoof account, no less!

But of course you do, Coppy. Ev-…

Would… Would you say “everypony”? It’s not a pony… Trixie can’t say everycopy machine- It’s too long! And anyway it’s name is Coppy!

You! You did this on purpose! To make a fool of The Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie is leaving!

1) hello flaxseed, this is lyra. why are there so many ellipses toward the end of your message? it makes your intentions… … sound… … sinister… …

2) I have no idea what you’re talking about. You must be referring to some non-pony holiday, for which I have no understanding. Now if you’ll excuse me, home computers do not exist and I can’t complete this m