Ask Lyra

1) I know that you did, but I don’t know where it is. You always came to my house.

2) Well, yeah. Coke is powdery. It would blend right in to their coat.

3) I find it astounding that your species managed to develop so much when you’re so busy hating each other.

You can get a lot done when you work together.

4) The amount of starch that would be required to even get the end result would probably bleach our tails white.

1) Lyra: I’ve tried. I think the phrase “lost cause” was used last time.

Bon-Bon: I was talking about the food, not you.

2) I know that Hanukkah isn’t the huge deal in Judaism that Christmas and Hearth’s Warming is. It’s the celebration of a victory and a miracle, but there are bigger holy days in their calendar.

And I know that Kwanzaa is relatively new. As a celebration of African heritage, it has no religious subtext. This means that it can serve as complementary to the celebration of any other holiday with no regard to its origin. I also know that it’s not widely celebrated.

3) I guess Dark Souls 2… Not really happy with that answer, but I haven’t played very many games that came out this year.

4) Stop. Forced memes are not okay.

For those struggling at home, the last meme of the year is “blank is the last meme of the year”. You’re welcome.

5) B: I’m at a loss for words here. Did they really just say four-twenty blaze it instead of just blaze it?

Lyra: Just Blaze!

6) Yes. I was there today. And yes! Presents!

1) Sure thing! I mean, gold is my eye, magic, and cutie mark color after all!

2) Neigh.

3) Dracula? Dra-cool-a? Ha! I can get King Kong!

4) I don’t know! I had to work! I miss like every social event now!

5) Luigi Death Stare. Hooves down. That is still hilarious, with accompanying music!

1) Mostly because fictional implies not real.

2) B: Your “house” was a deathtrap of wards and enchantments designed to capture and harm intruders while practicing dangerous experiments, possibly on dangerous animals- I never asked because I didn’t want to know. I specifically warned you not to reactivate any of those traps after I left, but knowing your adventurous, defiant ways, there’s no way you complied. So if I told you where you live, instead of being stabbed you’d be dead. You’re welcome.

3) Only in that it’s original connotation referred to those who had lost their virginity before marriage as without purpose in formal romantic affairs, regardless of how it happened. But this was also before the full physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual damage of rape was known. That the phrase’s use today is often associated with other, less horrific things is the result of melodrama and the dulling of society into a numb and uncaring state.

4) A fantastic composition. But to be honest, not on board with the choir boy. I liked this version better. And the Nightwish version the most. A matured voice does incredible things to the piece. Plus, it’s folk metal!

Edit: Oh! And yes I can roll my Rs!

Lyra: U-uh… Um…

B: You don’t have to answer that.

Lyra: I can take care of myself. It’s a… very complicated question. I’m not sure what I’d do unless I was there. I mean, there’s a lot of subtitles that could change everything- things I wouldn’t even know to ask about.

Lyra: … I don’t think I like this question very much…

1) Lyra: I can’t really take credit for that.

Bon-Bon: Well thank you for the compliment! It’s nice to be appreciated!

Lyra: Bon-Bon, look at the name.

Bon-Bon: … Well that’s mean.

2) That is a good point you bring up. I mean, especially after Twilight went to the- Wait how is that second part more important?

3) I’m not saying I gotta be ripped or anything. But give me a few pity points, at least.

4) Lyra: You’re close. Ahem. Flapjack! Hey Flapjack! Come with me, we’ll go and see, a place called Candied Island!

Bon-Bon: Who needs Candied Island? It’s safer at the docks.

Lyra: But there ain’t no streams of sodie pop, ta go tricklin’ down the ro~cks!

Bon-Bon: It’s dangerous and risky!

Lyra: But adventurous and free!

Tootsie: Adventure that’s the life for me!

Lyra: There’s lollipop trees and a lemonade sea!

Bon-Bon: Doesn’t sound very good to me…

5) Excuse you, I do study literature. Is every song not a poem?

Oh I am so tired of this “natural” argument. It’s natural! It can’t be wrong because it’s na~tural!

But hey, you want to talk about what’s natural? Let’s talk about what’s natural. So let’s see here. First of all, murder. And I don’t mean for protection. I don’t mean hunting for food either, we’ll get to that later, I mean senseless slaughter. The chasing down and killing of another just because it was there.

What else? Cannibalism, of course. Everything from just eating a member of the same species to eating a mating partner, eating babies, and even eating their own babies!

Rape? The fate worse than death? Wouldn’t you know it that’s not only natural but it’s backed by who knows how many thousands of years of evolution! Female ducks have literally evolved specific ways to avoid pregnancy from unwanted male advances. I’m not even posting a link to this one. Too many pictures and videos.

“But Lyra” you might say, “You’re talking about specific species. We’re talking about eating meat. That’s something many animals do.” You’re absolutely right. Many animals eat meat. They even do it two different ways. They either hunt for meat, or scavenge for meat. Humans don’t have the digestive tract to scavenge, so clearly they must be hunters. Please describe to me then how going to a supermarket and picking up a pound of ground beef falls into anything describing a hunter? Sounds kind of unnatural to me.

Speaking of unnatural. Wanna know what’s unnatural? Environmental awareness. Massive farms used to produce lots of food in a small space, so as to disrupt as little of the neighboring ecosystem as possible. Charity for those less fortunate. Contraception. The purchasing of goods or services through an object or concept that may be amassed in such a way that is completely divorced from whatever it may be used to acquire, creating a society of efficiency through specialization in given areas we call jobs.

Civilization is not natural. Trusting that this tiny little coin can be used to feed me or assure my continued ownership over this territory I call a house is not natural. We. Are not. Natural. We often actively avoid things that are natural!

No matter how you feel about something society does, never argue that it’s right or wrong because it’s natural.

Hey! A new animation with me and Bon-Bon in it!

Conspiracy Theorist and I get promoted to… ugh…

But hey, this was pretty fun overall!

Wai~t a minute.

Oh [omitted] you guys…

Bon-Bon: Why is there fur on my bed?

Lyra: Because we own a dog.

Bon-Bon: Oh, uh uh! He is not allowed on my bed! Bad! Bad!

Lyra: Don’t scold my dog!

Bon-Bon: I’m not scolding the dog; he doesn’t know better.

Lyra: H-hey!

Bon-Bon: You let that dog on my bed again- I'ma bop you in the nose with this newspaper!

Lyra: Alright! Alright!

1) Lyra: Yeah… My human literature knowledge isn’t all that.

Bon-Bon: Neither is your pony literature knowledge.

2) Not really something you need to announce. Seems like more effort to avoid than to seek.

Also, stop calling me while I’m piloting a helicopter.

3) Granted, I completely understand what you’re doing here. I’m just not sure how long you can keep it going and stay fresh. I do like the doodle avatar, though!

4) You were stabbed?! You were stabbed in Ponyville?! How did this happen?! There’s a shelter in Ponyville!

I… [sigh] I can’t visit you now. I have to get up for work in six hours and I can’t cancel. I shouldn’t even be awake right now. Just… hold on. I’ll be there tomorrow to see you.

1) Can’t you… fly?

2) I suppose that’s a difficult question. Ponies are vegetarians, not vegans. We eat and use milk and eggs in our cooking. But the milk is given voluntarily (though some would argue against that) and the eggs are unfertilized. “Nothing living harmed, and nothing harmed living” or at least nothing consumed has ever been alive by any stretch of the definition.

In Vitro meat can’t boast the same. It’s not real meat, but it still involves the use of slaughterhouses to collect the blood used in its production. You might consider it to be more humane (which is itself a silly word), but it’s not solving the problem. Just reducing it.

3) Bon-Bon: Of course I don’t. But it’d be nice.

4) Bon-Bon: Hmph!

5) I suppose it was wrong of me to think, even subconsciously, that I was more attractive than Bon-Bon. I guess that’s not a healthy way of categorizing things.

Bon-Bon: No! You know what? Not done!

Lyra: Bon-Bon, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean-

Bon-Bon: You see these curls? Ponies love these curls! Ponies adore these curls! Ponies will lose their train of thought and just stare at these curls!

Lyra: They’re very nice and I-

Bon-Bon: You see these baby blues? Ponies get lost in these baby blues! When I bat these eyelashes, ponies melt to the floor!

Lyra: Yes, I’ve always liked your eyes and-

Bon-Bon: You see these hips?

Lyra: Um.

Bon-Bon: Ponies love these hips! These are strong, sturdy hips! You think I got these hips from sitting on my flank all day eating candy? I don’t think so! I sway these hips from left to right and I could bust a door down! Doorbusters! That’s what they call these hips!

Lyra: I um-

Bon-Bon: You see these legs? Do they look wimpy and flabby to you? These legs come from standing all day. Running around. Bending over. Lifting, pulling- working! These are tone, shaped legs! These are the kind of legs mares wish they had!

Lyra: I-

Bon-Bon: So don’t you dare, Lyra! Don’t you dare think I’m not attractive! I am drop-dead gorgeous and don’t you forget it!

[Slam!]

1) I’ve probably seen all but a few minutes of it, but never all at once. And while I’m aware of the movie’s setting, I’d hardly call it a good movie for the holidays.

2) Oh sure. Definitely speed boats. Automobiles? Nah. Magic? Don’t even have that. But speed boats are definitively human.

3) Lyra: You see? You see?! This is what I’m talking about!

Bon-Bon: Oh for Celestia’s sake, get over it.

Lyra: You don’t have this problem! Everypony thinks we’re together so they all know you’re gay!

Bon-Bon: Excuse me? I’m constantly mistaken for being straight!

Lyra: My flank.

Bon-Bon: And what’s that supposed to mean? Stallions constantly hit on me!

Lyra: Ha!

Bon-Bon: Oh! Oh I am so done!

Lyra: Bon-Bon! You can’t- I’m not hit on all the time, so-!

Bon-Bon: So how what, Lyra?

Lyra: I-… That… I’m not saying that!

Bon-Bon: You don’t have to!

Lyra: Bon-Bon! I’m sorry!

Bon-Bon: The nerve!

1) Nothing against it, just not my scene. The shades between rock and metal don’t really do it for me. There are some exceptions. Usually on the side of hard rock.

2) Really? There’s some untold number of Lyras, Bon-Bons, Minuettes, Carrot Tops, et cetera. But you were worried I might get two Dans mixed up? You were probably right. I’m just messing with you.

3) Disappointing. Sort of ruins it.

4) So I noticed. I wouldn’t be so quick to call them a friend, though. They might be nuts.

5) I’m going to explain this very clearly. Stop. You do not want to proceed down this path.

1) Why is that a thing, anyway? Why is that a specific “feel”?

2) B: No. You don’t need to be living out in the middle of nowhere.

3) Oh hey, that’s something I totally want to hear about, being a mare and all. Next you’re gonna tell me teal-maned unicorns were their favorite.

4) Kinda already have one involved.

5) Can’t make any plans yet. Don’t know if I’m working that day or not.

Train station doesn’t close on Hearth’s Warming.