Ask Lyra

Because there’s nothing I’d rather do on my day off than spend the next two hours carefully choosing my words in response to what I can still only hope is a misunderstanding.

Before we even begin, I would like to remind everypony that at no point in my little rant did I state any position against those pushing for better ethics in game journalism. I think it’s a waste of effort, I will explain why shortly, but I have nothing against the effort itself.

A very intelligent professor once told me that there will be ponies in life that’ll insist that “If you’re not with us, you’re against us,” and that such a statement is nothing more than coercion. Consciously removing yourself from a conflict leaves only those engaged in the conflict. You help or hurt neither. I care for neither side of the debate. I didn’t care yesterday. I don’t care today. And I won’t care tomorrow.

Keep reading

Wow. The last four days sure have been progressively more and more awful.

1) Bon-Bon: And say what to them? “I need some help for the next four months and after that you’re out. But hey! If you’re lucky I might hire you back for six months next year!”

Bon-Bon: Nopony if any credibility is going to work for that. At least not for what I could afford to pay them.

2) Too much hand to stand.

3) I haven’t, but I’m not surprised; I hated the first one. The real headtrip is that Lion King 2 was pretty good.

4) I was aware of the general idea of it for a while, but this message got me to look more into it. I found a quote that sums up my feelings pretty well. “It would be absurd if it hadn’t forced people out of their homes for fear of their personal safety.”

For anypony on the side of ethics in game journalism, if that’s what your real concern is, why would you banner behind something that was originally formed to deliberately harass somepony?

For that matter, why care about game journalism at all? I’ve taken it with a grain of salt for most of my life. Some of my favorite games received extremely negative reviews or little publicity, so why should I care what somepony else reports on? They already don’t know what’s good.

If you have some other reason to side with it, I have nothing to say to you.

5) Get with the times.

Bon-Bon: Okay, so adequately explaining the mood we were walking into during the wedding requires some context. So-

Tootsie: Is this the pirate story?!

Bon-Bon: Yes, this is the pirate story.

Tootsie: I love the pirate story!

Bon-Bon: I know. I know. Okay, so. Well over a thousand years ago there lived two orphan siblings- a brother and a sister.

Keep reading

1) Lyra: …

Bon-Bon: Hey, you forgave me for that. You can’t go back and blame me again; that’s double jeopardy.

Lyra: None of your business.

2) Bon-Bon: Oh gosh. I’ve been so busy… And at this point the story is hardly worth the wait. Plus it would require some context… Let me see what I can do.

3) Bon-Bon: Ugh…

4) Tootsie: I’m gonna be a forest princess! Mom got me my own bow!

Bon-Bon: Nothing this year. I’m going to be working through Nightmare Night. Have to make up for lost time somewhere.

Lyra: I kinda want to go as, like, an animal.

5) Bon-Bon: I wouldn’t go that far. Ribbon is going to want to pick out who teaches her, when, where, with who, etc. Control control control.

How-! How dare-!

No. No; you cannot possibly be so vain as to believe you could beat me in a musical competition.

They stick me, a musician, in a musical movie (where I’m human), put me into a musical competition, wherein I advance one round and then get beat by Trixie…

[omitted] you.

1) It’s pretty disappointing. But Mii Lyra is a brawler, of course. And the only problem I’ve been having is how the 3DS’s button configuration doesn’t transfer from the old GC controls very well.

2) Lyra: Eh…

Bon-Bon: Don’t listen to her. We all had a fabulous time! And Liza was very interested! And since archery is considered a noble martial art, it shouldn’t be hard to convince her parents to allow her to pursue that further.

3) No… I’m drawing a blank… I was thinking maybe a timberwolf…

Holy crap my back hurts again out of nowhere.

1) I have! The Mii fighters are one of my favorite parts of the game! It’s such a shame you can’t use them online.

Edit: Also, who are you to complain about the buttons being too small? My hoof covers all the buttons! How do?

2) From my Dynasty Warrior experience, that level/character/weapon combo doesn’t last very long without some kind of substance. That’s what made DW3’s free mode so great, and why DW8’s is such trash.

1) Well… Uh… There isn’t really an answer. Ponies will say things like, “Put that energy toward something constructive!” But, I mean, I know when I’m frustrated I don’t want to do anything constructive. I want to break things. So I play video games and beat up stuff!

But trying to tell somepony else how to deal with frustrations toward things we have no control over is… I mean I have no education/experience in this field. It would be wrong of me to recommend something and pretend like I do.

2) I’m going to keep this question and answer it with more detail later. I haven’t really played it enough yet. But I’m having fun!

3) I was carrying a box, but everything was about to spill out of it, and I hurt my back twisting to catch it.

Everything still fell out.

4) And the video version has an added faux-related video lineup!

5) Well, consistent was never on the menu, but definitely more hours!

And I haven’t got sick yet! Just injured, kinda-sorta. Back still feels off.

6) Why does that sound familiar? I know I’ve heard something like that somewhere…

Also, I’m a lady. I don’t pass gas. That’s… That’s the human joke, right? That girls don’t fart?

1) Meat is murder.

2) Because I love Bubbie! She was the whole reason I started watching Flapjack! She’s, like, one of the best characters ever!

3) Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that there was anything wrong with that. It can be easier to process the world when everything is a little neater.

Just… you know, be careful about it. That sort of thing is how stereotyping is created. “You are this, so you look/act this way.”

4) Bon-Bon: I’ll make time. And as long as it’s after school hours, there’s no reason Liza can’t make it either. And if her work calls, Lyra is to say she can’t pick up any hours on that day. Isn’t that right, Lyra?

Lyra: Ugh…

5) Why would you need my help? I thought you already won. After all, there’s a skeleton in all of us.

6) Oh for pony’s sake… This is why conspiracy theory is synonymous with crazy.

Hey… Guess who hurt her back like an idiot?

It was me.

1) I’d ask why humans feel such a strong need to classify and label things, like personal theologies, but I guess that’d only be proving your point, wouldn’t it?

2) At first I thought the Running of the Leaves happened while we were gone, but I’ve since been reminded that happens at the end of fall, not the start.

I’ve also been informed by Bon-Bon that I am participating this year. Yay.

3) As long as the stars align and everypony does exactly what they’re supposed to do, nothing bad will ever happen! But how many things have to go wrong for somepony to take an arrow to the bottom? I’m betting it’s a short list.

4) I have two days off next week! I’m not going to want to do anything on the first one, so how about next Tuesday?

5) Lyra: My theory is that she was trying to say she beefed, you know, farted.

Tootsie: Hey! How come you’re allowed to say fart?

Lyra: Because I’m over a decade older than you. Fart fart fart.

Bon-Bon: Lyra! Stop saying that word!

Lyra: Sorry!

Tootsie: Hehe.

6) Sorry for being sorry about both things I was sorry for.

1) Liza goes home on the weekends. She’s not going to be able to go if it’s that late or on a weekend.

Also, “It’ll be fun!” brings us back to the amusement park argument.

2) I did not. Though to be honest, I actually can’t remember what I used for most of the game. I know I wore heavy armor and used a shield, and I know I switched weapons a lot on my second run.

Edit: Oh! I remember now! It was Estoc from the New Londo Ruins!

I wish I had a Wii U… Not that I’ve ever cared so much about the Zelda franchise, but I want to play as Ruto and Midna!

3) Well, that would be presumptuous. In theory, they could beat me up.

4) Let me tell you something, Bbz. That’s a terrible [omitted] habit. You need to break that [omitted] with the quickness.

5) Bbz, I went on a date with York once. Of course I knew about his prosthetic tail. It’s not something I’d just bring up though- that’s rude.

6) Lyra: You didn’t nearly have an ice cloud come crashing down on your head.

Bon-Bon: I’m assuming the arrows at this range are normal.

Lyra: You know what happens when you assume.