Ask Lyra

1) Princess Celestia, of course! After all, I owe her my life.

2) The original Rayman was pretty cool, but oh mare was it ever hard! I never played Oregon Trail, only Organ Trail. I did play SimFarm, though. That was way too confusing for how old I was at the time. Pretty sure it’d just bore me these days.

3) Bon-Bon: Usually somepony will buy their candy a month or so in advance, then eat it all, then buy some more, then possibly do it again before the holiday ends. And if that’s all I was supplying for, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But while the holiday season is going on I still have my regulars like Pinkie Pie, the do-it-yourselfers, the arts and crafts crowd, parties, the odd order or two of considerable size. It adds up.

Bon-Bon: But yes, I work alone. As long as I can keep up with all the orders, which I can, there’s a lot more to be made without hiring help. It’s not like I supply candy to all of Equestria.

Bon-Bon: I’ve heard of the show, but I’m so busy I can’t keep up with my own shows, let alone start another.

1) Does The Incredible Machine count? Also, why did I think Sierra made Rayman?

2) Okay. Well, a foal got mad and spat in my face twice last Tuesday so if you’re trying to outdo me you’ve got an uphill battle if your chief complaint is wearing a suit.

3) I’m not contagious but I’m still pretty sick. Thanks! Bon-Bon made me some scrambled eggs for dinner. It’s not sitting on my stomach very well right now but that’s future Lyra’s problem.

4) Lyra: It was yesterday! Not as crazy as last year’s, though. There were so many explosions! But we had fun this year too.

Lyra: Today was Summer Wrap-Up, which I was well enough to participate in but sick enough to be exhausted now.

Bon-Bon: Are you kidding? This is when ponies start buying candy for Nightmare Night. If I only just began now I’d be dead-in-the-water by the time it comes around! Preparations for me begin at the start of August. Then I immediately have to begin working towards Hearth’s Warming. And by the start of December nearly all future chocolate production has to be for Hearts and Hooves.

Bon-Bon: My busiest time of the year is over half of the year. Time for relaxation and trying new recipes is long since over.

1) That’s one of the interesting things about humans! You’re, like, the single most varied species ever!

2) Ha ha! Always great to hear from you, Gilda! You keep tearing it up yourself!

3) You can’t crawl and hold things in your hands at the same time? That… sucks. I thought they were more dextrous than that.

4) Lyra: It’s a job, Strawberry. You’re not being punished. If you don’t like it, quit.

Lyra: Also, can you not? I hate that show.

Bon-Bon: I like it!

1) Two years since Saint’s Row 3? Because it’s been two years since I started this tumblr. Granted the second anniversary wasn’t very eventful, which I apologize for.

2) I’ve seen it played. Looked alright, but not something I was interested in playing at the time.

3) B: I’m sure security isn’t that tight. I don’t know of any spell development projects with so much secrecy that you can’t even talk about it. No specifics about the development process or pacing, but than again you’d know better than I would.

4) You said gender. There’s very little difference in gender. There are certain expectations based on sex, but not gender.

B: Can you even hear yourself? That doesn’t make any sense.

And you have something to add?

B: How about colts growing up in a world where we’re expected to be steward protectors, but also to keep our months shut when the mares are talking?

But even if that’s true that’s not gender, that’s sex. You can behave however you want and hold whatever interests you want regardless of gender.

B: Try that in practice when you get a chance.

5) I mean, not really. It just sounds cool.

1) Oh my gosh! Thanks! Nice to hear from you! Sometimes I wonder if ponies that started following me a long time ago even pay attention to me anymore.

2) Hmm. But there’s no cheese? How can you grill something without cheese?

3) I meant to try this, but the sore throat turned into things dripping where they shouldn’t. Which incidentally marks the end of the sore throat. Sort of like trading a small problem for a humongous one.

4) I… still don’t know. I don’t mind looking after foals, but when I’m ultimately the one to blame when something goes wrong… I don’t think I could handle if something happened to a child that called me “mama”…

5) Good memory! I don’t even know if I tagged that!

But it was the potential something like that could have in a world of magic that still troubles me.

And it’s okay. I know what you mean. “Oh, look in the sky. A metal glider carrying 150 people that self-propels itself by funneling in air that’s used to feed the fires of micro explosions. I wonder what’s for lunch.”

Bon-Bon: Wake up. Time to take your medicine.

Lyra: U~gh…

Bon-Bon: Here. Sit up.

Lyra: … Ugh… I hate the world.

Bon-Bon: I’m getting too old for this, L-

Lyra: [Coughing] Ack!

Bon-Bon: Oh lord-

Lyra: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Puh! Uh… Sing me a song.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, act your age.

Lyra: It’ll make me feel better.

Bon-Bon: Who’s a silly pony-?

Lyra: No!

Bon-Bon: Shoo-be-do!

Lyra: Ugh!

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~!

Lyra: What is friendship all about?

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~!

Lyra: Friendship is magic.

Bon-Bon: My little pony~!

Lyra: I used to wonder what friendship could be.

Bon-Bon: My little pony~!

Lyra: Until you all shared it’s magic with me.

Bon-Bon: Big adventu~re, tons of fun!

Lyra: A beautiful heart; faithful and strong.

Bon-Bon: Sharing, kindness; it’s an easy fea~t!

Lyra: And magic makes it all complete.

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~. My little po-ny~.

Lyra: No sign of trouble in siiiiight.

Bon-Bon: My little po-ny~, my little po-ny~.

Lyra: May all your days be bri~ght!

Bon-Bon: … Satisfied?

Lyra: My throat hurts.

Bon-Bon: Well, you probably shouldn’t have sang with me.

Lyra: Thanks, Bon-Bon.

Bon-Bon: Go back to sleep, Lyra.

Sore throat upgraded to my old nemesis, upper reciprocity infection, and zerg-rushed me into dust. Well played, Friday the 13th. You planned ahead.

1) But the roofs are different. Right? The roofs aren’t just different colors they’re different shapes. And the… what would be comparable to tails?

Anyway, they aren’t completely designed the same.

2) I saw a video of a bunch of ways to die in Space Quest 2, but that wasn’t one of them. I’m lost.

3) It was around before I was born. Exactly when it started I couldn’t say. I would imagine something like that would be difficult to document.

4) I will assume that suit didn’t pan out.

5) I never cared for peanut butter myself. Gets suck in my gums.Then it looks like I’m lip-sincing to get it out!

I’m sick, my throat hurts, and I don’t wanna post anything right now.

1) Lyra: I said cloths.

Bon-Bon: Lyra, makeup isn’t considered cloths.

Lyra: Oh.

2) B: More specifically, it’s scrutinized against royal standards for efficiency, safety, appropriate degree of accessibility, et cetera. Just because something can be done doesn’t mean it’s safe to have its findings released to the public.

But B tells me that it’s a position with great job security!

3) Huh. Sort of makes us sound boring by comparison.

4) Gosh. Do we really look that boring?

1) I didn’t get your last message! That’s great! I’m glad to hear you’re all okay for now! Hopefully things keep going smoothly.

2) Well there’s the old mirror thing, which has been contorted into the odd baby excuse we have today. I remember hearing once that a long time ago there was this “cabbage patch answer.” I didn’t fully understand how that was supposed to work.

3) Granted it took me a while, but I did eventually find that this was a Nightvale reference.

4) How does one answer something like that?

“On June 23 I played Hoofball with a mule. I remember it was a Tuesday.”

5) Lyra would like to, but every time she’s tried to join a game it’s never gotten off the ground.

Lyra is also working on a P&P game of her own! It will likely still be a while before it’s even presentable, though. Longer until it’s playable.

1) If I start sculpting windmills and calling them trees, that won’t make them look anymore like trees.

Think about it. But not too hard.

2) There’s a character called Nightmare Moon on My Little Person? Uh… I guess I haven’t been keeping up lately. Weird coincident with the name though, huh?

3) And yet you write on.

4) Sounds like an album name. But, like, not a good album. Like, the kind of album that if you buy, even if it’s for somepony else, you feel compelled to lie to the cashier over. You’re all; “No no, I’m a music reviewer. I don’t really listen to this kind of stuff myself, it’s my job. Ponies depend on me for guidance!”

5) Um… not? None? He’s a baby. If Pound Cake drank some kind of potion that turned him humongous, would you hold any damage he did against him? We can’t pretend we understand what it’s like to be a dragon or if any of us could have avoided the shenanigans he’s been involved in.

About the Transgender question, I take that back. There is one thing in particular that is mare specific. Cloths. Stallions don’t typically wear dresses.

1) None that I know of. But I wouldn’t really know how to look that up either.

2) Transgender is a strange concept in Equestria. We don’t really have gender assigned to objects, activities, or appearances. Somepony is visibly either a mare or a stallion, but that’s no indication of how they act or what they like.

3) Template? Making characters? Evidently I don’t know as much about fandoms as I thought.

4) Bon-Bon: R-rice? Why would I-?

Lyra: I’m sure in your travels rice consumption is common. But as a reminder in most pony cultures rice is something usually only eaten by those seeking to put on weight, usually because of sickness or for muscle builders.

Lyra: But no about the- Well, I mean I wouldn’t really know how to recognize what buffalo food even looks like. But I would assume I haven’t had any.

1) Aw yeah! Green beans! I used to eat them a lot back in Canterlot, when I could anyway. But they were just heated up in cans.

We can get them fresh in Ponyville! Bon-Bon does all kinds of stuff, but I still like them boiled, if cooked at all. Sort of nostalgic, you know?

2) Krastos? On tumblr! And you’re in luck! I made a big ol’ post about this not long ago and had the forethought to tag it properly! Hold on!

…

Wait- A year ago?! Really?! Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so recent. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy! Also, you’re fine sending a message with an account. I actually prefer it that way! I just get a lot of messages and answering each in order can sometimes take a while to get to them.

3) Wow, look at the time. It’s “not getting political up in here” o'clock.

4) B: They research spellcasting. I’m pretty sure they don’t care about your wizard eyes.

Lyra: Thanks, Strawberry, but that’s okay. I don’t know what half of those are.

Lyra: Moving on. Oh. Last one.

Bon-Bon: I… I can’t think of any.

Fuselight: Yeah… I got nothing. Wait, what about- no, no… nevermind. It’s possible I’m sure but I’ve certainly never heard of anypony.

Lyra: How about if I answer that question with a question. If somepony was better at something than they were with their special talent, how would you measure it?

Fuselight: I don’t think you can. How does one measure how good they are at a talent? Outside of like, a competition or something. And that’s not exactly a solid thing either.

Lyra: Yeah, yeah. Like, if somepony’s special talent is making pizza, but they’re also good at swimming, how would you say they’re- Like, what way of measuring could you even do? It’s not like all talents are equal or anything.

Fuselight: And if you were really good at this other thing, like better than your special talent, then shouldn’t that be your special talent then?

Lyra: I think that adds a different dynamic to the question all together.

Fuselight: I don’t think this question is even answerable.

Lyra: I say no, just because the question doesn’t really work.

Bon-Bon: I’m completely lost.

Fuselight: Agreed. There’s certainly never been a record of a pony like that anyways.

Lyra: Okay, well, that’s it. I might break this up, actually. This turned out kinda long.

Fuselight: Well, this was certainly a, uhm… enlightening experience. And you do this every day?

Lyra: Just about. For over two years.

Fuselight: I bow to your question-answering prowess. All I do is tell stories, pretty much. Speaking of, did I tell you about this one cuckoo clock I- oh. Right. Recording. Not the time.

Lyra: Oh no, go ahead if you want. Not like I can’t cut it if I have to.

Fuselight: No no! I’ll tell you two after we’re done here. Don’t want to get some pointless drivel all over your Tumblr. One thing at a time.

Lyra: [Yawn] Well, whatever. Okay, that’s it. Good- uh… night?

Bon-Bon: Signing off?

Fuselight: Best wishes?

Lyra: Good enough.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here. Hope you enjoyed!

Real quick I’d like to offer a special thanks to tumblr for deciding I don’t need to see my post editing buttons tonight. It was really fun to hit the quote button like eight times while searching for the upload picture button.

1) Alright. Gonna go ahead and file that under “things I didn’t need to know about my friends’ hygiene.”

2) Handle? I can handle about anything you can conceive. I’ve seen things that were real. That doesn’t mean I want to see any of it.

3) Griffons have always hated us. Some deal better than others. I imagine Gilda is welcome to come and go as she pleases because she’s been here before. I think I heard somepony mention she went to flight camp with Rainbow Dash.

Further, I think Gilda is technically a citizen of Equestria.

4) I’m pretty sure that’s the kind of thing you can sue over. Poor maintenance/upkeep leading to injury is a pretty serious issue. Well, at least she could have at the time. I’m sure it’d be impossible to fully investigate having three years passed.

Either way I’m incredibly sorry. That’s a horrible thing to have happen. I’d like to hope that she fully recovers eventually, but to be honest she probably has permanent nerve damage. It may eventually lead to a more serious issue and necessitate surgery. Bon-Bon’s mother had to have something like that done once.

5) I danced around with an orange bowl on my head and called Bon-Bon “Bennedetto” for the day.

She did not approve.

And I did not stop.

Lyra: Okay! Moving on! Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha… Ah…

Bon-Bon: Oh-! Lyra!

Lyra: [Laughing]!

Fuselight: Oh… oh dear. Is it like this all the time?

Lyra: Ha ha! Oh… Not really. You’re just lucky.

Lyra: Keeping in mind that any instance of the word… Well it’s going to be censored.

Bon-Bon: I’m not answering this.

Fuselight: Lucky. Sure. Not what I’d call it. But I’m with miss Bon-Bon on this one. I don’t know and I don’t think I ever want to!

Lyra: What a couple of wimps.

Bon-Bon: You picked this on purpose!

Lyra: I did not! It was the four most recent, unanswered questions!

Fuselight: …Where would a pony even learn something like that? And why?

Lyra: Alright. If that’s all you two got. I can tell you the griffon one is complete ponyfeathers. I don’t know about the dragon one, but it sounds like garbage.

Bon-Bon: Thanks for sharing.

Fuselight: Guess I learned something today. Albeit something I could do without.

Lyra: Alright, this wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the last part will be posted tomorrow. So look forward to it!

1) Well, I like green beans.

2) That just makes it more confusing! I thought it was a cartoon!

Are radio dramas makin’ a comeback or somethin’?

3) Uh… I uh… I don’t really understand the question. I mean, you can tell whatever story you want. It’s not going to make it real, but that doesn’t instantly mean it won’t be entertaining! So… Sure? Go ahead?

4) And what’s that supposed to mean?

Interesting tumblr you have. Though I can’t count for the validity of everything there.

5) Try not to look at it from the understanding you have of your own world. It’s not illegal. It’s just not legal. It never has been. Nicknames, shortening of, dropping parts; all common. But legally altering your name based on preference alone is… very strange. Very foreign.

Lyra: Okay, so next one! Not nearly as dark.

Lyra: So yeah. How about that? Only two years too late for me to ever be famous, but still.

Fuselight: Better late than never, as they say.

Bon-Bon: I don’t… [laugh] really care.

Fuselight: Tumblr seems to be much more excited about the idea than you or I would be, it seems. It’s neat, I guess, but that’s about it.

Lyra: Alright, so [omitted] you both then.

Bon-Bon: Lyra!

Lyra: Right. Trying not to… Swear. Sorry.

Fuselight: [chuckles] Woah ho there! I didn’t see that coming!

Lyra: We’re all adu-

Fuselight: So much for foal-friendly, eh?

Lyra: Ah yeah. Ha, sorry.

Fuselight: Oh well. Slip of the tongue! Happens to the best of us.

—-

The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. You can find the previous parts here and the other two parts will be posted over the next two days. So look forward to it!

1) There have been efforts recently to negotiate with the current griffon ruler, but for now completely. Only griffons that have entered Equestria in the past with no serious criminal record are free to come and go.

2) The lonely night seems to do that to some ponies. Tomorrow is a brighter day!

3) Lyra: Hey! It’s not my fault the vacuum suddenly didn’t want to start!

Bon-Bon: But it is my fault the vacuum suddenly did want to start. And whatever you did, it better not happen again!

Lyra: … Hate that stupid vacuum…

4) What’s Labor Day?

Why would they study your eye?

5) The trend seems to be toward Kindergarten and the Sped department in primary schools. I do get to sit in on music classes sometimes, but I’m not really supposed to do anything unless there’s a problem.

There was this one time where I got to play a tambourine and the music teacher was pleased.

Lyra: Hello! Today on AskLyra we have a special guest: Fuselight!

…

Lyra: Say something.

Fuselight: Oh, it’s going already? Uhm, something! Hello, miss Lyra’s Tumblr!

Lyra: Pay attention, dude. Okay so we’re- Well, usually when I answer questions I cut it up. Like, this is an answer. Okay we’re done. Start the recording the next one. Sometimes there’s multiple takes. Sometimes I’ll, like, write an entire script and I’m basically just reading off of it. But uh… [nervous laughter] We’re-we’re just going to try recording this all in one uh… uh… thing. One take, yeah. So here we go!

Bon-Bon: Wow, couldn’t have picked a better one to start?

Fuselight: Oh dear, they get right into it, don’t they?

Lyra: This is my world. Tumblr world.

Fuselight: Well this is what I’m here for. Okay, well you start miss Lyra. I’ll go after you.

Lyra: Well, I’d say that wouldn’t be a typical reaction. If such an event occured, despite what any movie might depict, that’s just not how a normal pony’s brain reacts.

Fuselight: I think it depends on the pony’s mentality beforehand. I mean, you and I haven’t had the best childhoods, but we’re not insane killers.

Bon-Bon: Yeah, it just doesn’t make sense to me. You’d have to already be suffering some some mental disorder. I mean, right?

Lyra: I would think so.

Fuselight: Maybe not a disorder, but a pony needs to be seriously unstable first to become such a thing. One event wouldn’t do it. Annnyways, that’s enough of this one, don’t you thi-

—

Okay, so. The whole thing went way too long. So I cut it up into pieces. There’s no editing other than that, though. The other three parts will be posted over the next three days. So look forward to it!

1) Lyra: THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU TOOT! THE MORE YOU TOOT, THE BETTER YOU FEEL! BEANS, BEANS, FOR EVERY MEAL!

Bon-Bon: I thought you didn’t like beans.

Lyra: I don’t.

2) I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your mother. Sub work itself isn’t so bad, but low pay/few hours is definitely a downer.

I wish this was the first time I’d heard this story before. Seems to happen too often. School systems seem reluctant to hire somepony who’s highly qualified because they can just hire somepony else for cheaper. And I’ve seen positions never get filled at all, and the school just take a sub for the position everyday for the entire school year. It’s criminal, or should be.

3) If I may make one point: when you bring up child pornography with me, remember who I am and where I came from. That’s not child pornography. That’s a drawing. A drawing never held somepony down and caused irreversible harm, nor was it made during such a horrid event.

But this has reminded me that I’d grown tired of that tumblr a while ago. It just wasn’t what I thought it’d be.

4) Yes! But it might be confusing. Boscov is Krastos. I just stopped calling him Boscov a while ago. Sort of grew out of it.

5) I had to look it up, but yes I’ve seen a few things about it on tumblr. However, I still don’t know anything about it. Just what some of the characters look like.