Ask Lyra
Month
Okay, so let me get this straight. You humans made a movie about a pony that goes to a human world. Only it wasn’t a human world, it was some anorexic dimension where everypony (or one or whatever) had disproportionately large heads, the arm thickness of a macaroni noodle, and boots surgically attached to their legs.
So it wasn’t a movie about a pony going into a world of humans, it was a movie about a pony going into a world of adolescent dolls that might as well have lived in a school. And this is all marketed toward young children for some reason.
I can think of no more fitting a response than this link.
P.S.: Minotaurs have hands. We know what hands are.
S: “Spell Creation Team”? Why, Equestria hasn’t funded anything that bloated and directionless since-
B: Nevermind. Get on with it.
S: Right then. I’m afraid I will have to request further clarification if I’m to be of any assistance. You see, there are certain methods of home defense that are considered unsafe and excessive. If your residence possessed any such instance… there is little that can be done. If you are worried about the security of the structure, then you may indicate so and I will keep such a message from the public eye.
B: Alternately, I need to know when this happened, who exactly you contacted, and how you contacted them.
S: Alternately? Are you insinuating that one ideology is to be chosen over the-?
B: Just answer the questions and then you can get back to your political whatever.
S: As much a delight as ever, I see.
S: That certainly does not sound like proper procedure, but perhaps the answer lies in the question: How exactly was your front door not accessible via “normal methods”?
S: Further, did you ever contact Canterlot directly about this issue? I feel there’s a detail obscured somewhere in all of this.
1) Is that really important?
2) Bon-Bon: I prefer the smoother taste of milk chocolate, but I see where you’re coming from.
Lyra: I like white chocolate. I know it’s not chocolate, but it’s awesome.
Bon-Bon: Nougat that you find in candy is usually table sugar, corn syrup, and what is known as a whipping agent. There isn’t a uniform recipe for it between businesses, but some of them use egg whites. After you have the core substance together, you can flavor it a number of different ways.
Bon-Bon: I don’t personally care for nougat; it’s basically filler so that a candy bar is cheaper to make. If you want to eat chocolate and caramel with possibly some nuts, I’d recommending eating a little chocolate and caramel with possibly some nuts. If you want to eat something filling, I recommend eating food. But money is money. Whatever ponies eat is what I stock.
Lyra: For the record, I like Milky Way and I think it would taste awful without nougat.
3) For some reason, the demand for “gray-[omitted] shooter” is large enough for multiple companies to fight over. There’s even room enough for the same type of “gray-[omitted] shooter” and have several still be successful. That’s not the companies’ fault; that’s the consumer. When folks stop buying crap, companies will stop making it.
If Soul Reaver/Blood Omen left any legacy (of Kain), it’s evidence that the demographic for action/adventure/puzzler doesn’t want competition. Which is great for Neightendo! For everypony else… Well, sometimes we get a new Deus Ex game.
1) Bon-Bon: Of course it’s upsetting and of course everypony has every reason to think less of her for it. But it doesn’t change her as a cook. It’s okay to like somepony’s ability to do a job without liking who they are, and the other way around too.
Bon-Bon: Now, if you’re boycotting something, that’s different. That’s saying, “It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, this is not acceptable past, present, or future.”
Lyra: I feel that ponies get too attached to somepony they’ve never even met. Separate the job from the pony.
Bon-Bon: But no pony asked you. It’s specifically addressed to me.
Lyra: Yeah, but I’ve said some extremely hateful things in the past. Some of them I didn’t even know were hateful at the time! I’d be [omitted] if I lost my job over it.
2) In Snake’s defense, he’s usually involved in negotiations on a much larger scale. He brings his experience, which can make things more difficult, but also his leverage. He’s sort of involved as a favor, but he can get you more out of this than anypony else.
B: He’s also involved in negotiations with a number of other entities at any given time. I guarantee you are his lowest priority.
S: Consider your letter already added to Canterlot’s research division’s equine resources. Though perhaps if you let me know where your interests lay, I may be able to save you some time. Some divisions are more exclusive than others and the application process can be somewhat lengthy due to the number of candidates.
S: I would require more specifics about what series of events brought about the seizing of your residence, as I do not ready possess access to any such file. Are you aware of it’s present use or is it vacant? Condemned perhaps?
1) What, again? It’s barely been 24 hours!
Just one, though. No “S”.
2) Alright, I suppose. Hasn’t been very Luigi-esque over here, though. I don’t seem to own the appropriate systems.
3) So that’s why the moon was so bright Saturday! Other than the moon being really bright when I went on a quick market run, no. The Summer Sun Celebration was the day before, but I missed it. I think it was in Baltimare or something this year. They seem to get a lot of events there.
4) Bluh; meat.
Bon-Bon: Many, yes! Everything from soft-shelled chocolate bites to chocolate wafer bars!
Bon-Bon: There’s a lot of chocolate.
Back home. Tired. Do stuff later. Good night.
Edit: Oh, I have some more flower pictures though! I’ll sort through that later too.
Found this on Something Awful.
“Somehow I don’t think this Deus Ex ending is canonical.”
That’s the trouble with Dentons these days. No sense of Proportion!
1) Well, I’ve only seen Binding of Isaac, which is needlessly crude, violent, and explicit. I also tend to not like roguelikes for the same reason I tend to not like fighting games; I’m not very good at them. Based upon that, not really a fan.
2) It’s alright. It was fun while it lasted! From what you showed me it seemed like a much more interesting story than Fallout 3 was. I may yet play it someday. And if I do, it will be because of this.
3) The Everfree Forest isn’t controlled by magic, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist there too.
4) Sorry. I’ve never held an allegiance. I concede that the PS2 and SNES were the two best video game systems thus far, but that was due to their available library. Many, if not most of the games that made those systems great were created by third-party developers. And with the regrettable direction video game development continues to spiral towards (that is, one focused on visuals and movie-esque narratives), it’s doubtful any future system will ever approach what those two systems achieved.
I’ll probably wait a year or so and pick whichever system has what I want to play the most. If I can even afford it.
And it’s fine! I probably just misread something.
Bon-Bon: There you go, all set up.
S: You have my gratitude, madam. First of all, thank you for your continued cooperation. Transporting operations will begin in the morning. Though I am not directly involved, I would estimate the relocation process concluding before the day’s end. The cargo will be handled swiftly, but with care.
S: Now then, different research teams are compensated at different levels. Your field of study would be a greater determining factor then any other, and to that end I’m afraid I have no basis to measure. CUE is not directly involved and I am presently in communication with you as an intermediary, nothing more. If accepted among the initial applicants, which in all likelihood you would be, then you would have the opportunity to ask any further questions to whichever individual team is interviewing you. I can assure you, however, that as a government position the benefits would be substantial.
S: Regarding the Celestial Unified Elite as an organization, I am not particularly comfortable with the level of transparency that has already been established. Of course, I understand the apprehension that some may feel at the notion of a government body keeping secrets from the public. But one must never forget that knowledge, as a tool, may be used as a weapon. And as defenders of this nation it is a priority to keep weapons out of the reach of those under trained, or undisciplined, to properly handle them.
1) Oh look, another joker that assumes I am a reflection of their contrived, poorly thought-out headcanon. No no; I’m not upset. Just disappointed.
2) B: Without an appropriate punishment, there’s nothing to dissuade said party from reverting to their old ways. Not that any punishment is perfect, but outside of one-on-one trust-building situations, consequences are more effective than a lack-there-of.
3) Well… When you put it that way…
… It was his fault, though. He promised me. He said he was never going to get involved in the drug trade; said no pony was going to get hurt. He promised me and he lied.
1) I’ve heard the initial announcements. I’ve heard clarifications. I think they even announced some major change today. I’m staying out of it for now.
Granted the reveal was the worst for any video game system ever. That had to have done some major damage to their marketing no matter what happens.
2 & 3) Sounds more like a regular RPG with a visual-heavy graphic element during combat. Having control over unit placement is sort of the defining feature of a tactical RPG. Phantom Brave showed that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a grid, but you do need the option to manually move your characters D&D-style. It still sounds cool, though!
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Also, hey Bon-Bon! Glad you like the pictures! That dragonfly one was awesome to take! I took three as I slowly got closer and the moment I took the third, it flew off!
Bon-Bon: A kiss, hmm? Haha! But I don’t individually wrap them. I just put them in a segmented container. I also can’t call them a Kiss, so they’re chocolate drops.
Bon-Bon: Lyra will eat a single potato chip. It’s kinda freaky; I’ve never seen anypony else do that.
Bon-Bon: Also, hi Lyra! Hope you’re enjoying yourself! The dog is doing fine without you! Love the pictures you took!
Bon-Bon: She has a second photoset queued for tomorrow morning, too!
1) Nothing happened! Though I will have to hold on to any questions intended for Bon-Bon for now. She’s not with me.
I’m sort of house-sitting for a friend in Canterlot. She went to a resort with a bunch of her friends, but she has two dogs that need looking after.
2) B: Maybe. But it does make them criminals.
3) I don’t think so, but I love it! I think it’s fantastic!
4) Well, where I am right now isn’t bad! I want to take some pictures of the flowers around her home at some point! There’s these beautiful blue ones outside the window of the guest bedroom I’m sleeping in!
Well, uh… Sort of not at home tonight. Not really sure about my schedule for the next few days. This was sort of sudden. I’ll get back to you ponies later.
I found this old mixtape my second coltfriend gave me. It was sort of done ironically, even back then. He did a bunch of them, but I don’t know where the other ones are. This one was Megaman themed. Some of them I listened to so much the tape started to wear out.
Anyway, I’ve been sitting here listening to it… and… I don’t guess I have anything else to say right now.
Edit: As soon as I posted this, a sad song started playing…
I… I do miss him sometimes, even with how things ended up between us…
1) Bon-Bon: Strictly candies? The molded, powdery stuff can be pretty tough. But outside of candy I have a pretty tough time with truffles for some reason.
Bon-Bon: … Wait, I think I misread. Oh. Sorry, I don’t give out recipes. That’s kinda how I make money.
2) Bon-Bon: Ha ha, okay, I think you win.
3) Phase-style like Disgaea or per character-style like Final Fantasy Tactics?
4) You’re not real.
5) I don’t own one, but I borrow one from time to time.
1) B: What kind of officer of the law condones vigilantism?
Lyra: B…
B: I’m serious!
3) My Mother was an Earthbound.
4) Sure! That’s how I answer questions! Still not as common as in your world, though. But hey! I even have a Manedroid smartphone!
1) Nope. My nightmares tend to have closer ties with reality.
2) Interesting. So is it, like, an action game? An RTS? An SRPG?
3) Bon-Bon: Cooler than cool… is icing!
Lyra: No. Bad, Bon-Bon.
Bon-Bon: Oh, don’t be such a… sour-tart!
Lyra: Bon-Bon, stahp.
Bon-Bon: You just wish you could be one of the… smarties like me.
Lyra: BoN-BON!
4) This is why I say things like “I don’t know a whole lot about government.” I know plenty about things I’m well-versed in, but stuff like this is completely beyond me. There might very well be an office dedicated to helping foals get their cutie marks. That’s really stupid if there is, but I honestly have no idea.
5) Whoops! My bad! Must be something in the water.
1) It sounds like a flashback, other than the friend being there. That makes it sound like a hallucination. Unless the friend really was there but she blocked that part out. That makes it sound like a screenplay.
But I don’t know. I’ve never had anything like that. I’m alone with whatever’s happening in most of my flashbacks, even if others were there.
2) Is that what it’s called? I haven’t, but I know of a seapony that lives there.
3) B: C is Cat. The nicknames are all on the shorter side.
4) B: I don’t hate him. I don’t care enough to hate him. But all adventurers belong to the same collection of self-entitled drains on society. Individuals that don’t want to preform a task under scrutiny or by regulations. They don’t do anything that an organized group can’t do safer, faster, do so legally, and without hiding their findings from the government. They’d even be paid to do it. They just wouldn’t get to swipe historic artifacts or illegally practice banned magic.
5) That sounds like a good idea! I don’t know that he’s answering questions right now, though, given how busy he is. But feel free to send a message his way! I’m sure he’ll get to it eventually!
S: My apologies. I am known simply as S, or occasionally as Snake. While I appreciate your compliments, I believe the entire situation here has been grossly misunderstood. Not your fault, of course. The two individuals you spoke with previously were ill-informed and I would like to apologize on their behalf. As such, and as a sign of goodwill, I would like to freeze any action regarding the texts until we’ve managed to come to an understanding.
1) B: Why are you asking?
2) B: I don’t appreciate the notion of capital punishment. Death is not a punishment; it’s a necessary evil to remove those who refuse to reform. Dragons are usually the only ones that require such an unfortunate consequence. They have a tendency to refuse change or accept defeat.
B: There is a magical alternative, but it’s scarcely any better. If a subject cannot be rehabilitated or reeducated, circumstances sometimes make mental reprogramming an option. The subject’s identity is eliminated and replaced with a different one.
3) I have! And you’re right they do! I haven’t seen the show in a while, but I grew to love it!
4) What’s a jet?
5) Not that I mean to offend anypony, but it does sound somewhat juvenile. So much so that I’m left wondering about age. If they’re still in adolescence, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve known others that felt that way and gradually grew into a more broad tolerance, if not outright acceptance. If they have reached adulthood, well, technically it’s their decision. It’s not a bad decision. It doesn’t cause them physical harm. It might eliminate many opportunities for various relationships, but it’s their life.
Either way their outlook on “adult things” is not really any of your business, if it’s not hurting anypony.
1) No… I mean, I don’t even have… Or… Does hearing and seeing things…? Are flashbacks hallucinations?
2) Bon-Bon: Are you kidding? I make candy!
Lyra: She mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.
3) Lyra: And then you just speak into it. It already recognizes your voice, I just have to tag it when you’re done.
S: Very well then. Black Strawberry, I believe it was. Lovely to make your acquaintance. I understand you’ve come upon quite a collection you’re willing to part with. Canterlot, Equestria, and the Princess herself appreciates your willingness in this matter. Now, first things first; make no attempt to transfer the books yourself. This would create a massive security issue on our end as far too many factors would be left unaccounted for. As security is our utmost priority that would be undesirable. A number of high ranking and trustworthy individuals will aid in the transport of your library beginning directly from your place of residence.
S: With that out of the way, due to the sheer size of the collection you have amassed, ordinary payment would be quite an insult to you. Regulations place a very concrete limitation on purchases between the royal family and any financial transactions wherein that which was purchased was not an explicitly commissioned service; or in other words, goods. Thus, we are pressed to come to an agreement on some other form of payment for the materials in question.
S: To that end, I would like to begin the transaction by asking what you would deem a suitable replacement for legal tender in our bartering process.
4) Things are fine, but I don’t get to see him a whole lot right now. He’s super busy working on his doctorate. But if there’s anything in this world I can wait for, it’s him.
1) I don’t know what that is, but after looking it up I’ve seen that character before.
2) Uh… I don’t know anything about you, so I haven’t the slightest.
3) I believe there is a force out there that put everything into motion, and that it’s watching and listening to us. But it can’t help us. It can’t change anything, but it can listen to you when you’re all alone in the stirring darkness. You don’t ever have to be alone. There’s plenty to be afraid of, but at least you’re not alone.
4) I heard about that game being really good, but I never played it. I didn’t know what the allure of it was or really anything about it.
And that would be great! I appreciate the offer!
5) Yes! Absolutely! In fact I would be both delighted and honored to have anyone give it a try! It will be a long time before it’s in a publishable state, but playable isn’t so far off if I get back to work on it!
1) Bon-Bon: Well, sure! Who doesn’t? Assume too much and you’ll embarrass yourself. Assume too little and you’ll embarrass yourself. We can’t be perfect!
Lyra: Of course, embarrassing yourself and feeling embarrassed are two different things. Things aren’t usually as bad as you think they are.
Bon-Bon: Like many ponies in Equestria, I took a nickname after I got my cutie mark. My birth name is Bonnie Bohun, of Canterlot’s Bohun family. Not the rich side, mine you, but we were well enough off growing up.
2) Have I been asked this before? Sounds familiar… Is this code for something, like that “stairs in your house” thing?
3) B: Of course you want compensation. Heavens forbid you do anything for the greater good without expecting something in return. But you’ll get your payment. I doubt it’ll be as much as you’d like, but Canterlot can only afford to hand out so much under freelancing circumstances.
I’m proud of you though, Strawberry. I know this couldn’t have been an easy decision to make. Thank you for doing this!
4) Depends on how you interpret “personally.” I spoke with dozens; held casual conversations. Had less savory involvements with others. Some of them were every bit the vile, merciless, scourges of society you’d expect. Others could appear normal enough. Sometimes you’d get the feeling that if things had been only a little different they could have been upstanding, charitable citizens. Maybe they even regretted it.
But then you’d see that expression on their face, and all at once death would be too good for them.
1) Was it made by humans? Zen-esque followings have existed in our world since… well further back than I can trace. But Buddhism-style teachings as a whole have always seemed a little too thick for me. It’s fluid, which is nice, but really just too thick to penetrate.
I don’t adhere to an organized following or religion. I believe what I believe based on what I’ve come to understand and that sometimes intersects with or even borrows from various spiritual movements.
2) I can certainly understand playing a game for the story. Front Mission 2 is an alright game, but the only reason I’ve made it to the last 3 missions is for the story. The battles in that game just take way too long. And they only get longer! Where I am each fight is so exhausting I dread playing it again. Haven’t touched it in months.
And yes, I am. Not really comfortable with where I am right now, though. I have a tumblr set up for it that I’ve posted information to, but I don’t want to release it publicly until I at least have a walkthrough of how combat is supposed to work typed up. Right now it’s almost entirely concepts. I have more in my head, but it’s much harder to organize those thoughts into something technical that makes sense without repeating itself. Like a manual.
3) Bon-Bon: I can think of some more interesting adventures I’ve had then eating spaghetti and orange juice flavored jelly beans.
Lyra: There you go again!
Bon-Bon: [Whistling]
Lyra: … Anyway… I like eating fruity candies. Usually sweet but sour works fine too!
Bon-Bon: If you think about it, that was really a pretty silly question to ask me. I like candies that have chocolate or creamy casings with a variety of carefully thought out flavors inside. In other words, bonbons!
4) Earth pony, for employment reasons. Wouldn’t want to be a human.
I suppose pegasus would be the usual choice but ah… just not all that interested in flying.
