Ask Lyra

1) Sweet potato casserole! Woo!

Sorry about Black Friday; I went out myself. I don’t usually risk it, but I needed a new mattress. Seventy percent off and a twenty year warranty. Pretty much determined what I could afford.

2) First of all, why do you care? Secondly, how many times to I have to answer? I already said yes.

3) Lyra: Ham-Hams Unite? Well I had some issues personally, but it was an alright game. I definitely enjoyed it!

Bon-Bon: You’re freezing! Go in the other direction!

4) Absolutely! Of course, it would have been a lot more genius if collecting the words wasn’t the whole game. I mean, You don’t even use a bunch of them. Also, I feel Hamtaro and Sandy have poor characterizations. Which was a shame, because all the others were spot on (near as I can remember anyway)!

It was also missing that certain duality that the show had; switching from Hamtaro and his friends, to Laura and hers. I mean, the humans weren’t even in the game.

5) Somepony talking about a show other than Doctor Who? On this website? Unheard of.

Simple is a Blue Heeler. I think they usually call it something regional in your world. He’s beautiful, playful, smart, obedient, and very active. So very active. There is no way I could take care of this dog by myself.

I won!

Woah woah woah. Slow down. I was all on board with you, but telekinesis and aerial superpower battle? That sounds gnarly.

Did you ever play Deadly Premonition? I can’t tell if you’d like that or not. It had a lot of problems, but it’s story was flippin’ amazing. I bring it up because it also had some pretty major gameplay issues.

Did you ever see Memento? I think it did what you’re describing, but it had a reason to. It was also pretty good. But trying to play it Dragon Lair-style would have probably been terri-bad.

On the subject of games, I’m totally playing Hamtaro: Ham-Hams Unite.

Okay, this isn’t an update or anything, but I found my new favorite phrase (slightly vulgar I guess? But, I mean, if you mouse over it you’re going to see what it says).

I Just have no idea how I’m going to use it.

1) What? I don’t watch Doctor Who.

2) Bon-Bon: Enemy camp? Wha- What does that mean? Oh! But I bet Lyra would be interested in that last part!

Lyra: …

Bon-Bon: You get it? ‘Cause your music and… Ugh, what a face on you.

Lyra: I’m gonna bite you.

3) Bon-Bon: You’re getting colder.

Lyra: Before we begin, I’d like to welcome back S and thank him for finding time in his busy schedule to come on down and field a question for us. Thank you, S! It’s been a while!

S: And inversely, I would like to apologize for having rescheduled this appointment more than once. I believe you’ve been holding on to this question for a few days now.

Lyra: No trouble at all! Always happy to have you!

S: Pleasantries aside, I’d like to dive right into this. Firstly, there’s been some- while I wouldn’t yet call it miscommunication (we’ll get to that part later), critical details left missing from our present situation. You see, griffons did not suddenly stop using ponies as a source of nourishment. Ascension is neither an equal process nor can it function independently of the many other circumstances required for a species to grow into an organized society.

S: There have long since been “wild” ponies living within the borders of the griffons’ claimed lands. Though not a primary food source by any modern means, they were consumed on a semi-regular basis, dependent on the income of the family unit in question. For most, it was a treat; something to be savored on special occasions.

S: The ponies themselves had every bit the potential for intelligence that we take for granted, but without the downtime necessary to create or maintain a society. The unfortunate incident often cited on this webpage was the drastic result of a civilization (griffons) facing the extinction of an exotic, upper-class food source (ponies). As the upper-class, who so often control who is in power, were the primary consumers of this food source, it should take little imagination to discern a motive for those involved.

S: This brings us to the aforementioned miscommunication. Of which there have been several. Who exactly is at fault is not so easily discerned. Ignoring the fault of wildlife researchers for failing to properly gauge the rate of the local population’s decline, of hunters for remaining silent despite clear signs of said decline, processors for leaving hunters contractually obligated to deliver a product, and even the public for forcing such a high demand on the processors, there remain many mysteries.

S: There has yet to be any clear line of communication between any griffon leader and those involved in the trading of narcotics for Equestrian ponies. This will undoubtably leave a dark spot in griffon history, considering the executions that took place. Which brings me to my next point.

S: Griffons do not hate Equestrian ponies. To hate something requires putting enough thought and effort into something to return with a negative conclusion. Griffons just don’t generally care about Equestrian ponies. The key word being “generally”.

S: The riotous backlash and executions, some of which were public, was not the result of a society’s outrage at an eliminated food supply. It was retribution for feeding the public daughters and sons- mothers and fathers. Rather than being fed animals, griffons had been eating, as the word originates from their tongue, “people”. The whole of the griffon lands cried out in ravenous blind fury, “How dare you turn us into monsters?”

S: The situation, as it stands at present, is that pony meat has not only been absent in griffon society for years, it’s actually been outlawed. In the few cases in which any piece of a pony’s body is discovered and deemed to be within the possession of another individual, having been consumed or not, it is treated as bodily desecration in a court of law.

1) Bon-Bon: Honestly, I don’t know whether to go along with this or stick to the truth. They’re both winding up pretty funny!

Lyra: It’s not the truth!

2) Well, a princess would have martial training, wouldn’t she? I’m sure she can do more than just toss a toy.

3) Bon-Bon: Not in the traditional sense, but going to go with a yes.

Lyra: What does that even mean?!

4) Speaking of things with cryptic meanings… You mean the Everfree Forest? What about it? There’s always things to beware from there.

5) It’s easy to focus on the bad in the world. I try to find something positive to think about instead! Like children learning! Or how happy everypony is on payday!

Of course, you could try to take up a cause and fight for change. But you shouldn’t feel like you have to. Those can be long battles that you may fight your whole life for and never win. It takes a special kind of pony to do that. Sorry to say that I’m not one of them.

1) Bon-Bon: You might say it found me.

Lyra: Don’t get sucked into this. It’s just another elaborate troll.

2) Working hard or hardly working?

3) Lyra: Oh! I put strawberry throat lozenges in a colta-cola once when I was sick! That was really good!

Bon-Bon: I don’t think that’s at all similar.

1) While certainly a valid excuse now, griffons have been hating us since long before the fact.

I don’t personally know much about griffon culture. Gilda never talked about it much, but it didn’t sound so different. I’m sure there are ponies that do, though.

2) Well… There is a certain merit to the notion. Redirecting conversations is context sensitive. If you miss the opportunity you may not get the chance to ask about something. It’s just completely impossible to implement that notion properly in a video game. You’d have to be able to translate the available options to the player, in all their complexity, at the speed of thought. That’s why games like that needed to be made. To prove this [omitted] can’t be done.

And that’s why conversation trees are still the standard. They don’t make the most sense, but they’re intuitive. Such is the limitation of video games as a medium; just as all mediums have limitations.

3) It’s selfish, is what it is. But we all have to be selfish to some extent. When all you do is worry about other pony’s problems, you’re only being selfless. And if all you can be is selfless, then you are left without a self.

4) Wow. What an [omitted]. Uninvited.

5) No more busy than when I was working last year. I haven’t even worked in over a week; they hired somepony else as full-time. Just… A little less motivated, I guess.

1) Oh hey! I too make highly technical, but easy to operate, things in my limited spare time that I have no intention of using and offer them to complete strangers for free, despite their value in both physical materials and custom labor!

But in all seriousness, no thank you. I have a thing about taking candy from strangers.

2) Bon-Bon and I had a pretty good time. Princess Luna has been awful nice about coming to Ponyville every year for Nightmare Night. Did you get to see her? She never looks happier. Not that I see her very often.

3) No. At least, not that I know of. Not exactly a badge you wear on your saddle, you know?

I’ve been back to lower Canterlot a few times since I moved here. Talked to a few folks. Like I said, it’s a lot better now than it used to be.

4) Oh, there’s alternate dimensions. Of that there’s no doubt. But… Well, if your asking for my personal opinion, that’s where things get complicated.

5) I try not to worry about it. If you can’t change it, there’s really no reason to. So much goes on in every corner of every plane of existence. Who would even want to know all of it? Or even most? Or even a fraction?

1) Well, I feel like going to the beach. Does that count?

2) That would be a strange name for a pony. Would take some bold and very vindictive parents to name a foal [omitted].

Of course I know now what you were really asking about, but you have to admit this is a pretty funny question!

3) It really is a shame that most of my interactions with Marty were only recorded on his or Gilda’s tumblr. Would have given me something to point to when I get questions like this.

The answer though, is nothing extraordinary. A single individual is not an adequate representation of a global culture.

4) I don’t think that’s true, but he’s got a good heart. He came to Thanksgiving dinner last year. If you’re reading this Bbz, you’re invited again if you want to come.

5) I don’t know enough about Indigo Prophecy to comment, but I think Heavy Rain needed to happen so that developers could see, plain as day, that they never need to try doing anything like that ever again.

Thanks for the sympathy, to those who actually offered it. It’s just a scrap so nothing terribly serious like a sprain. I can still walk fine.

The rest of you, I’m still in considerable pain and have no idea now I’m going to sleep like this. May that weigh heavily upon your conscience.

Eh heh heh heh.

[omitted] is still bleeding a little.

So guess who slipped on some leaves while walking her dog and scraped her foreleg?

1) Bon-Bon: I don’t think so, I couldn’t really tell. They were wearing full body paint and some sort of multi-headed costume. Said they were some kind of mountain. Was supposed to be historical but I wasn’t really paying attention, to be honest. I think they liked human history, or something.

Lyra: I don’t have any pictures, but this should give you a general idea. I wasn’t originally going to wear the pants, but I kinda/sorta realized halfway through that I couldn’t reach back there.

Lyra: Also, Moon Shoes! Yes! We had those here too! As a heads up, you didn’t miss much. I tried a pair once. You have to land perfectly every time you jump. Got two good bounces and then twisted my ankle.

2) Interesting backgrounds, you say?

Glad your having fun and enjoying your co-workers!

3) I’m averaging around 0, outliers removed.

Why is find in quotation marks?

4) I guess that sometimes I’m… Well I’m not so sure about where I stand on a moral scale. Even as the societarian constructs they are, I don’t want to be viewed as amoral or evil.

1) Show? Oh, the cameras.

All you see is a small portion. Like a series of documentaries covering a single subject. Or a collection of reality television shows. There were facets of the very country you live in that you weren’t aware of. How do you expect to fully understand a world you can only see through a single lens?

2) Lyra: Mr. Cake liked my costume. No pony else seemed to get it. Which is… whatever. I rocked that [omitted].

Bon-Bon: There were a few ponies that knew who I was! One of them even stopped to tell me things about Joan of Arc that I didn’t know!

Lyra: You mean lecture you about things you didn’t care about.

Bon-Bon: She was fine.

Lyra: I do remember those commercials! They played them forever!

3) I complain a lot, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t play it.

4) Bon-Bon: I don’t remember you doing that. Maybe I blacked it out.

Lyra: Can’t imagine why.